I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

3-4 minutes behind the flag? That's a full-on blow job and everyone at that party will know exactly what you were doing as well. You don't need 3 or 4 minutes to lick off a bit of cream!

But...... you're not the first married woman to do this on a hen night and no doubt you won't be the last.

Still a pretty long time to abstain from sex in a sexually active relationship without a valid reason. Unless the OP is going to gaslight her DH into thinking he's done something wrong for 45 to 90 days to avoid sleeping with him. That's just adding another layer of awfulness into this.

The responsible thing to do is to get tested, tell her DH and then test again at the appropriate point. It's his choice whether he forgives her, but it's not her choice not to tell him.

To clarify, an HIV test would be regarded as conclusive between 45 and 90 days after the event depending on the type of test (not six months)
https://i-base.info/guides/testing/what-is-the-window-period

You're overthinking this. I actually want this to be true but it doesn't "ring" true to me. It wouldn't surprise me if this was written by a msn, maybe even as a spoof. I am convinced that some celebrity comedians contribute to MN threads for a laugh;

I take it that by significantly bigger than average cock you mean bigger than your husbands?

Fess up. This is pure fantasy, isn't it?

Ah the class issue is the Union Jack.

I don't know about class in this context necessarily, but a sex party suggests everyone there is consenting and the whole set up is designed around it being genuinely erotic - isn't Killing Kittens set up and run by women specifically to cater to female desires? I don't know what happens at a KK event but I'm willing to bet it doesn't involve men stripping and getting out squirty cream and Union Jack flags. Because that scenario is at best comical and ludicrous, at worst gross and mortifying (and sooo unhygienic!). Anyone I know who's seen a male stripper has laughed about it and made fun of it but not actually found it arousing. It's a really different environment to strip clubs featuring female strippers catering to men.

Ah ok, I understand I think, although I diaagree. For me anyway (you're right there are lots of different discussions going on), doing this to someone as part of their job role is a very major part of why it's grim. The other aspect being the unaware partner.

Tbh also the cream but that's more niche ... I just think it sounds gross but I won't eat peanuts or crisps from shared bowls either. All those germs.

There are so many issues being discussed at once but I wasn't talking about the issue of consent or paying for sex when I said it's middle class to understand performing sex acts in front of other people in the context of a swinger party vs this situation that people think is so trashy and inappropriate. Are people just saying women wouldn't act like that because the man is a sex worker? I started thinking it was a class thing, but I apologize.

What's the relevance of an imperfect victim here? If the OP said she got drunk, carried away with the raucous atmosphere, went under the flag and the stripper coerced her or assaulted her in that moment, I would believe her. The actual story concocted by the OP is a lot less believable than that though! Not because I don't think women can be sexual, but because the OP's posts read as bullshit.

If anything, this thread will be used to undermine other women who are victims as the motivation is clearly to push an agenda that women are devious, hypocritical, not to be trusted, predatory...

Are you Monica Lewinsky? Oral sex isn’t ex??? Your behaviour is disgusting!

"much like swingers and I think it's very middle class to say one is understandable and one isn't"

Sorry, @Sleepydoor are you saying you think sleeping with paid sex workers is a working class thing but swinging with other consenting non paid adults is a middle class thing?

What's the thinking there? The middle classes won't pay when they can get it for free? The working classes are too stupid to realise they can get it for free? Only middle class people care about consent? Am baffled by this thought process.

Swingers come from all sectors of society btw, as do punters.

1/10.

They usually comment to tell us that.

I don’t think a teenage boy in 2023 would have made a Hyacinth Bouquet reference, personally.

I also think it’s noteworthy that this thread is still up. I find that MNHQ are generally overzealous in closing threads (even where they are receiving a lot of traffic) if they get a faint whiff of troll. For this thread to have survived, I’d assume it must be a long-standing poster who has name changed.

I've been that "imperfect victim" in the past.

I still find this thread to be BS.

Go back and read all of OP's posts. Tell me that it doesn't sound like a teenage boy or an account of what men tend to find erotic. OP claims she feels terrible, but she sounds proud. I smell a rat.

@hammie46i While I assume that those who use sex workers in any guise are in the minority, it remains big business.
Few of us make our best decisions under the influence of drink or drugs and within the conditions that the the OP says were encouraged, it's easy for people to get carried away.
I would hope that as potential jurors, many of those who find the OP's story implausible or impossible would be sympathetic to an 'imperfect victim' of a non-consensual sex act who is undermined by reference to her consensual past activities.

I've been a woman for almost 40 years and I've never heard of anyone I know behaving this way on a hen night. The hen nights I've been on did not involve strippers and whipped cream on penises. I don't think this is because I'm middle class. If there are women out there doing this, they are a minority.

It's so weird how they keep popping up like you all think it's one rule for women then what about the men???? as though it's some amazing gotcha - errr, no, 86% of people say it's not ok for a woman to do this either. It's such a weird distortion when we can all read the thread and see that it isn't true!

(I think anyone using the phrase 'Mumsnet double standards/hypocrisy at it's finest!' should get an insta-ban, they're always so crushingly obtuse)

No idea why some of that is struckthrough.

I am not defending her sexuality. I personally would not go to see strippers I don't think it's funny (like some people here are insisting ALL women view it); I think it's depressing and sad. I am not defending swingers either (I could never do it). I am not defending sex acts in public which this ISN'T as it took place in a private dwelling with people who all agreed to participate (much like swingers and I think it's very middle class to say one is understandable and one isn't).

I am taking issue with people saying this cannot be true because women never behave this way and women never view strippers like this and this never happens, when I know it does happen.

I think it was obvious from page one that there would be a lack of shared understanding of the difference between the truth and the fevered imaginings of the MRA.😂

I’d keep quiet, what good will come from telling him. Unless you can’t live with the guilty?

Seriously though, I can't explain why a minority of women are into swinging. Some will be pressured into it by the menfolk. Others will have an exhibitionism fetish and genuinely enjoy it. Others may be hyper sexual because they have issues.

I think the posters here who are defending the sexuality of a woman who gives a public blowjob to a man who is being paid for his services on a hen night, need to get some standards.

Nothing wrong with sex and enjoying it. Nothing wrong with swinging if you're into that.

Something very wrong with publicly giving a sex worker a blow job in front of your mates.

If OP is a genuine poster, I think she knows that by now.

The poster who said her behaviour is normal is way off the mark.

I think there are some agendas being pushed on this thread.

Consent and preparation (and not being totally pissed) is part of going to sex parties. It's a pretty different scenario to a - let's face it, ridiculous - male stripper squirting cream and waving flags at a hen do. It's just not a very sexy scenario and the spontaneous bj under the Union Jack sounds a bit far-fetched in these circumstances.