Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
DunkFriesinShake · 03/07/2023 14:18

So you cheated on your partner, and you damn well know that he will consider this cheating or it wouldn’t be an issue - this is the part that you’re not comprehending , OP. It doesn’t matter how many people on Mumsnet act holier than thou and ‘liberal’, the reality is you know you messed up otherwise you would have relayed the story quite happily to your partner. So stop pretending strangers’ opinions matter and start thinking about HIM. You’ve already said he would be hurt — there’s your clue.

And now you’re lying to him about it. How lovely you are. Not.

ShirleyPhallus · 03/07/2023 14:17

overthinkersanonnymus · 03/07/2023 14:12

Was the flag covering you both? And are we talking - you put his entire flaccid penis in your mouth for a good few seconds-or did you just go a bit deeper than expected to get the cream off?

This is such a bizarrely specific line of questioning

Sycasmores · 03/07/2023 14:17

Uh-huh....pull the other one....men only wish this were true!

FOJN · 03/07/2023 14:16

PomegranateRose · 03/07/2023 13:38

Whether this is genuine or not, I am shocked how many people think it appropriate or "kinder" to never tell a partner about behaviour like this. The act itself reeks of disrespect and untrustworthiness, and taking away your partner's right to decide whether they want to remain in a relationship with someone who would act in that way is absolutely another level of disrespect in itself. You aren't being kind for not saying anything, you are making your own life easier and adding insult to injury with every passing day.

I doubt the people who tell their partner do so because they believe their
partner has a right to decide the future of the relationship. I suspect many are hoping for forgiveness which tells me that they have no idea about the hurt it will cause or the lasting effects it will have on their partner.

Assuming that this story is true and OP tells her husband, trust will be destroyed and he will have years of doubt and insecurity every time she goes out. OP on the other hand maybe so mortified by her own behaviour that she is confident she will not repeat it so she will not experience the same lasting consequences. She will however have the relief of unburdening herself of guilt. Great for her, shit for her husband.

Of course infidelity is disrespectful and evidence of untrustworthiness. If someone posted that they had found out a partner had been unfaithful I would definitely tell them to leave but I would not encourage someone confessing to infidelity to put a bomb under their marriage if they have no intention of repeating the behaviour.

Growlybear83 · 03/07/2023 14:16

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:05

I chickened out and told him something else that's much more low key - it might be wrong but what good can come of telling him

If this thread is real, which I'm beginning to doubt, then you should be even more ashamed of yourself. When he finds out what you've done, which he's sure to, I hope he has more self respect than you clearly have and leaves you.

PookieHook · 03/07/2023 14:16

I feel sorry for the DH too! The poor fucker now has to deal with a scratch on his car as well as a wife who gives strippers chewies 😥

Stravaig · 03/07/2023 14:13

I feel sorry for DH.

chaosmaker · 03/07/2023 14:13

aflix · 03/07/2023 13:34

I've learnt something from this thread....the word noshing. How long's it been called that?

decades!

SparklingMarkling · 03/07/2023 14:13

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Listerine cock-be-gone 🤣🤣🤣

Original poster
Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:12

PookieHook · 03/07/2023 14:11

What was the low key thing you told him? Was it that you just tickled his balls with your toes?

Show quote history

About a scratch on the car I did last week, lame I know. I've told him nothing to do with the weekend

OP posts:
overthinkersanonnymus · 03/07/2023 14:12

Was the flag covering you both? And are we talking - you put his entire flaccid penis in your mouth for a good few seconds-or did you just go a bit deeper than expected to get the cream off?

IamMummyhearmeROAR · 03/07/2023 14:12

👏🤣

putthatdownsteve · 03/07/2023 14:12

If it was 3-4 minutes you were behind the flag, what was everyone else doing?

That’s actually quite a long time when to sit there while someone else going at it.

The only time I’ve experienced that, people were taking photos (this was 20 years ago thank christ for the people involved, so no social media and christ knows if they actually had the bollocks to take the film to Boots 🤣), or they were groping the man and the woman too. god, so classy, most of these were work mates, thank the lord I was just a temp on a few months contract.

Like I said up thread, I noped out pretty quickly and spent the rest of the evening in the bar going “what the fuck?” with a couple of others who left the room too - we were all staying over, too far from home or I would have completely legged it, but I heard the stories afterwards.

Crumpleton · 03/07/2023 14:11

TheCosmosIsMine · 03/07/2023 14:06

someone else will prob tell him though

Show quote history

Then OP DH will have to find out he's not only married to a person that cheats but a lying one at that.

PookieHook · 03/07/2023 14:11

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:05

I chickened out and told him something else that's much more low key - it might be wrong but what good can come of telling him

What was the low key thing you told him? Was it that you just tickled his balls with your toes?

excelledyourself · 03/07/2023 14:11

IamMummyhearmeROAR · 03/07/2023 14:09

It's school holidays in Scotland Biscuit

I hope the DH didn't vote for independence. The Union Jack flag could be the nail in the coffin

IamMummyhearmeROAR · 03/07/2023 14:09

It's school holidays in Scotland Biscuit

isthismylifenow · 03/07/2023 14:09

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:05

I chickened out and told him something else that's much more low key - it might be wrong but what good can come of telling him

What other interesting events transpired on Friday night then?

Dalekjastninerels · 03/07/2023 14:09

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 03/07/2023 14:07

Quite.

Show quote history

The swallowed pudding?😂🍆

L1342 · 03/07/2023 14:08

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:05

I chickened out and told him something else that's much more low key - it might be wrong but what good can come of telling him

What a self centred way of thinking. You should respect him enough to let him make his own decisions on what is good for him after you’ve done what you’ve done. Your poor husband.

ThinkTheresBeenAGlitch · 03/07/2023 14:08

Yes that too @IAmAnIdiot123 and the ambiguity of that first post is deliberate!

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 03/07/2023 14:07

NeverThatSerious · 03/07/2023 12:06

Think you’ve overegged the pudding now op..

Quite.

TheCosmosIsMine · 03/07/2023 14:06

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 14:05

I chickened out and told him something else that's much more low key - it might be wrong but what good can come of telling him

someone else will prob tell him though

IAmAnIdiot123 · 03/07/2023 14:06

ThinkTheresBeenAGlitch · 03/07/2023 14:02

Nope, there are posters on here who defend men doing this stuff too. Very rarely are threads unanimous.

Show quote history

Also, I think a lot of people will be responding to the OP first post. From that message I assumed it was lacking cream off a strippers belly or arm or something. It wasn't until further messages clarified saying it was a blow job!

Dalekjastninerels · 03/07/2023 14:05

Doesn't need to know means the burden of guilt is OP's alone.

It does not mean yes OP it was ok to give a man not your almost husband a BJ.

OP, it was not OK step away from temptation from now on.