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Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 06/07/2023 20:40

SquirtyCreamConfession · 06/07/2023 20:33

I can't give a time. I was on and off the knob in a flash. Thank goodness. It was very undignified. Nothing like the usual cakes or ice cream.

Better go by the flag's estimate.

I'm so sorry squirty... It's wimbledon now so hopefully the rest of you goes on a nice eton mess in the garden. In a bowl, not on an Etonian's knob. Thoughts and prayers🙏

SquirtyCreamConfession · 06/07/2023 20:33

I can't give a time. I was on and off the knob in a flash. Thank goodness. It was very undignified. Nothing like the usual cakes or ice cream.

Better go by the flag's estimate.

Jumpingthruhoops · 06/07/2023 20:28

Oops... actually scrap that... I've just read your update. There are DEFINITELY exceptions to the 'on tour' rule. That is one of them. Not sure there's an easy way out of this one I'm afraid...

Jumpingthruhoops · 06/07/2023 20:23

OP, this one needs to be filed under: 'What goes on tour, stays on tour'... 😉

ImtheFlag · 06/07/2023 20:16

I made it approximately 3m 26s.

Give or take (or give and take 🤷‍♂️)

HeadacheEarthquake · 06/07/2023 20:10

@SquirtyCreamConfession @ImtheFlag 😂😂😂 either of you time it?

SquirtyCreamConfession · 06/07/2023 19:50

So was I.

GoodChat · 06/07/2023 19:49

ImtheFlag · 06/07/2023 19:46

It happened.

I was there.

Haaaaa!

ImtheFlag · 06/07/2023 19:46

It happened.

I was there.

HeidiUpTheMountain · 06/07/2023 18:32

wutheringkites · 06/07/2023 13:13

Such an anti-climax

That’s what he said.

StarlightLady · 06/07/2023 18:26

@XVII - I can still have an opinion regardless of my current martial status. I can comment as someone who has been married, been in long term relationships and been very single and free.

Rosietheravisher · 06/07/2023 17:57

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 13:12

Thank you so much for your input and the balance I've been called everything from a hussy to bloke, to liar this morning

Show quote history

If this is real op I think you should start doing stand up. With this story at the centre of your act. Let’s face it, you might as well reveal your identity. You’re famous now. Can I be your agent?

Rosietheravisher · 06/07/2023 17:47

Butchyrestingface · 06/07/2023 10:04

Do not say “fuck me” on a thread like this. It may be taken as an invitation.

Show quote history

By the op certainly.

Rosietheravisher · 06/07/2023 17:44

TakeMyStrongHand · 06/07/2023 08:18

Is this you @Lostsoul0307 with a name change or has your DH found the thread?

Show quote history

Come on! I know we are all enjoying this thread, but it’s all made up. Of course this is op or someone impersonating op’s dh. And I have to say that their attempt is incredibly clumsy. Fun though. Keep em coming.

EasterBreak · 06/07/2023 17:11

If my partner licked out a stripper for 4 minutes I'd definitely class that as cheating. Wtf op.

SolarPoweredHuman · 06/07/2023 16:51

Evenmorelostnow · 06/07/2023 06:03

Looks like you have truely fucked it haven't you?

Give you a few days to sort your shit out. You better not be here when I get home Friday.

The plot thickens, to the consistency of whipped cream.

XVII · 06/07/2023 14:31

But starlight you’re not married

wutheringkites · 06/07/2023 14:25

@Crunchymum

I'm pretty sure that poster wasn't being serious.

And who cares if someone is having a laugh at mumsnet? I often do too.

Crunchymum · 06/07/2023 14:16

PollyAmour · 06/07/2023 13:12

So DH now knows, is that the end of the thread or will the stripper appear, swathed in a flag and adorned with whipped cream?

The DP doesn't know. The OP has posted an "update" about texting him and it was a text that had nothing to do with the stripper.

The OP must be having a right laugh at the expense of MN.

Crunchymum · 06/07/2023 14:13

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 12:40

Update I've ripped the plaster off but gone slightly cowardly I've messaged DH

But this isn't an update is it?

This obvious and shameless attention seeking.

StarlightLady · 06/07/2023 13:31

I would say what happened on the hen do stays at the hen party, relax and get on with your life. As for those saying how vile it was, in the right circumstances I would have done the same and not been ashamed. It was a bit of fun!

wutheringkites · 06/07/2023 13:13

Such an anti-climax

PollyAmour · 06/07/2023 13:12

So DH now knows, is that the end of the thread or will the stripper appear, swathed in a flag and adorned with whipped cream?

Rosietheravisher · 06/07/2023 12:56

BansheeofInisherin · 04/07/2023 17:14

Swinging is absolutely fine. As long as OP's husband agrees to her swinging.

Definitely some very weird posts here, and there is an agenda. Because now giving a blow job to a strange man in public is "enjoying sex".

This. I was starting to doubt myself because I definitely don't think of that as "enjoying sex". And I don't understand how some are making out that OP is some kind of feminist heroine.

I still think OP should not tell her dh though. I can't see what it will achieve. Also, given that she was drunk she doesn't really know what she did or how long she was behind the flag. After all, time slows down when you're faced with a gigantic cream covered cock (naughty but nice), behind a big union jack flag encouraging you to do it for king and country.

Now I think about it the union jack flag is another detail that makes me think this isn't real but the work of a clever but mischievous trickster.

PookieHook · 06/07/2023 12:44

I also hope we get a representative from the whipped aerosol cream lobby. They can make the case why using a high sugar product such as theirs balances out the salty spunk.