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Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 03/07/2023 19:37

Gytgyt · 03/07/2023 17:49

Honestly isn't the best policy in this case. Its utterly selfish of you to offload this onto your DH. I personally wouldn't want to know UNLESS it was a full blown affair. Even if you had sex... I would still say the same. Why do you want to cause long term damage in your relationship? Think about this OP......

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Are you joking? How is this a fucking relationship when she sucked a random man’s cock? Of course he needs to know so he can bin her off!!

Baystar · 03/07/2023 19:22

O'h yes....

gavin stacey GIF
Motnight · 03/07/2023 19:14

This is one of the best threads ever!

Dalekjastninerels · 03/07/2023 19:00

ShirleyPhallus · 03/07/2023 18:59

This has really made me laugh 🤣

im so happy this thread is still standing

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So am I😀😂

readbooksdrinktea · 03/07/2023 19:00

A difficult situation was sprung on you

Hilarious.

To suck a stranger's cock or not to suck a stranger's cock. You're right, it's completely impossible to decide what to do in that situation.

OP doesn't care, though. It's all good 🙄

ShirleyPhallus · 03/07/2023 18:59

Prettylittleroses · 03/07/2023 17:30

This wins the internet for me today, “if I’d have had advance notice I’d have mentally prepared myself not to give a blow job stripper, but I can’t begin unprepared for this difficult situation, I just couldn’t help myself “

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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This has really made me laugh 🤣

im so happy this thread is still standing

BarelyLiterate · 03/07/2023 18:52

Total double standards on MN, as usual. 🙄
we all know that if a woman had posted that her partner had licked a stripper’s tits when he was pissed on a stag night, the overwhelming response would be LTB.

Iwantitidontwantit · 03/07/2023 18:39

Not been on mumsnet for a while and forgot how genuinely funny some posters are 😆. The mental gymnastics of those saying this isnt cheating, are giving strong " I did not have sexual relations with that woman" vibes.

BigTitsMcStuffin · 03/07/2023 18:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

historygeek · 03/07/2023 18:30

MrsO3 · 03/07/2023 12:06

I see where you're coming from to a certain extend but this happened at a hen and she's told someone else already so this is just messy now, it could easily get back to DH. It's one of those things that's better coming from the horse's mouth rather than him finding out through someone else. That's far worse. She's done wrong. She needs to be honest then deal with the consequences. Either DH can forgive and forget or he can't but that's on her

For the stripper's sake, I hope OP doesn't have a "horse's mouth".

Vitriolinsanity · 03/07/2023 18:22

Is that the actual divine Patrick Swayze in the gif @BlueLiquid?

Vitriolinsanity · 03/07/2023 18:19

@adviceneeded1990 yes but wouldn't you he perma-clenched for the moment when someone blabbed?

I think a near death illness on the day of the wedding is the only way to go.

runnerjp · 03/07/2023 18:15

This thread reminds me of that Eminem lyric, “what, she tripped, fell, landed on his dick?”

adviceneeded1990 · 03/07/2023 18:09

Is he likely to hear this from someone else? For example if a fellow hen told her husband would they tell him? Any close friends? If not I’d stay quiet.

Vitriolinsanity · 03/07/2023 18:07

In all my years I have managed to avoid whipped cream covered cocks falling into my mouth.
Perhaps I've just been lucky and haven't had such difficult situations like this sprung on me.

Pahahahaha.

The flag thing is what's cracking me up.If you can't see me it's not happening! for 3 or 4 minutes Unless the flag was the size of king duvet everyone would have seen you from the shoulders down. Unless you were all wearing identikit MN black skinny jeans, nice top and boots for a night out.

No way would I be still in the country going anywhere near that wedding with my DH.

ConsistentlyPeeved · 03/07/2023 18:06

Did he have the hoover out? Because that's the only way I'd find this remotely a turn on.
Your poor DH. If this is true that's pretty grim.
Kind of glad I don't have any friends who aren't now married.

JohnnysSoLongAtTheFair · 03/07/2023 18:05

C’mon. It was a good enough excuse for Bill Clinton - “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” - about cunnilingus and dubious use of a cigar.

JosieOhNo · 03/07/2023 18:05

Maybe a video will show up at the wedding as part of a montage of all the hen & stag best bits.

And because this isn't Eastenders and there won't be a video shown, there will at least be lots of people talking about it. The partners of the other hens will all be nudging each other, "is that the one who... "

BlueLiquid · 03/07/2023 18:02

GoodChat · 03/07/2023 14:37

You're on form today @BlueLiquid 🤣🤣🤣

Thank you, thank you.

sexy chris farley GIF by Saturday Night Live
GalileoHumpkins · 03/07/2023 17:53

Libelula21 · 03/07/2023 16:18

By the sounds of it she was not expecting a stripper to be there. If you’re plied with alcohol all day, perhaps not enough to eat, and surrounded by other raucous women, things can easily develop into a situation you’d have chosen to avoid if you’d had prior notice.

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So she sucked the cream off because she was starving? If only there'd been a massive salad buffet on offer...

Wizzbangfizz · 03/07/2023 17:50

As well as making my Monday lunchtime it is also making my evening 😂😂😂

Whelm · 03/07/2023 17:49

MyTruthIsOut · 03/07/2023 16:03

😂😂😂😂😂😂

We should all do it 😂

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... tell me how well that level of solidarity worked out in Spartacus.

Gytgyt · 03/07/2023 17:49

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 12:25

I know I need to tell DH I just genuinely don't know how

Honestly isn't the best policy in this case. Its utterly selfish of you to offload this onto your DH. I personally wouldn't want to know UNLESS it was a full blown affair. Even if you had sex... I would still say the same. Why do you want to cause long term damage in your relationship? Think about this OP......

ThinkTheresBeenAGlitch · 03/07/2023 17:46

OrlandointheWilderness · 03/07/2023 17:34

Cannot believe how different the relies are to this than if it was a man who had gone down on a stripper for a few mins. I would count it as cheating and it would be over.

Your post is literally sandwiched in between one that calls the OP a lying skeevy alcoholic and one that says she shouldn't have done it and needs to be honest so...the replies aren't really all that different.

I keep thinking I'll stop replying because there's no point arguing with posters who have an agenda to push about MN being a hive of man-haters but it's just so bizarre to have someone pop up and complain about how a man would have it so much harder right in the middle of posts condemning the OP entirely. And it's extra annoying when the whole thread is made up in the first place.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/07/2023 17:44

If you have spent a day drinking booze and haven’t eaten enough, it’s normal to feel more drunk than usual - most people go for a kebab or something to soak up the booze.

It‘s certainly an unusual choice to nourish oneself by gobbling a blob of Elmlea off a random man‘s erect penoir over the course of 3-4 minutes, which in my mind constitutes a veritable tasting menu of coq.