Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been unfaithful and I don't know how tell DH

960 replies

Lostsoul0307 · 03/07/2023 11:48

I know I'm going to be absolutely annihilated for this but please believe me when I say I already feel terrible.

I was at a friends hen party this weekend at a holiday cottage with a group of about 20, on the Friday night a stripper had been hired and it was way more intimate than I was prepared for, he did a bit with whipped cream and a few of us licked off. I would never usually but I was really quite tipsy, there was a bit of crowd pressure and the whole thing was really quite arousing, I know these are lame excuses. I crossed a line and did stuff for way longer than I should.

I know I need to tell DH but I have no idea how to even go about bringing this up, he'll be crushed and I'm so disappointed in myself.

OP posts:
SingingNettles · 03/07/2023 23:00

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:51

Also I think the 'double standards' bleating is really thick. It's a totally false equivalence.

A man giving a female stripper oral sex is a completely different context in terms of power dynamics, exploitation, misogyny and men's entitlement to buy access to women's bodies for their own gratification.

Yes a male stripper is there because you're paying him. But if he is sticking his erect penis in your face and telling you to lick cream off it, that is still a really uncomfortable power dynamic.

This is true, technically women can never do anything wrong because society.

BlueLiquid · 03/07/2023 22:54

Wtf were the other hens doing while op was behind the flag for 3-4 mins?

They had their hands on their chests as they sang the national anthem and saluted the flag, obviously.

So what did the stripper say/do as all this was happening?

I wasn’t there but I’m guessing “ugh, ugh, hnyyyyyyggggg”.

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:51

Also I think the 'double standards' bleating is really thick. It's a totally false equivalence.

A man giving a female stripper oral sex is a completely different context in terms of power dynamics, exploitation, misogyny and men's entitlement to buy access to women's bodies for their own gratification.

Yes a male stripper is there because you're paying him. But if he is sticking his erect penis in your face and telling you to lick cream off it, that is still a really uncomfortable power dynamic.

Alway1insomethingstat · 03/07/2023 22:51

anon2022anon · 03/07/2023 11:50

Do you class that as unfaithful? I don't. If I found out DP had done that to a female stripper, I'd be cross, but I wouldn't class that as cheating in the slightest

This.
men probably do this sort of shit all the time on stag dos.
you just never hear about it

EggWind · 03/07/2023 22:50

YoungerDryas · 03/07/2023 11:57

Do male strippers actually engage in prostitution like that - performing actual sex acts in front of people like that? Don’t they have boundaries? Very odd.

Of course. Lots of pro bodybuilders also do this stuff to pay the bills - read about 'gay for pay'.

JohnnysSoLongAtTheFair · 03/07/2023 22:50

Since it didn't happen I wouldn't worry about it.

A hen partygoer wrapped in a Union Jack gobbling a stripper? Yup. Happens every weekend in holiday cottages up and down the land.

And what a 'cottage' it must have been. With a room big enough for 20 people (actually 21 counting Patriotic Penis Pete and his Anchor Squirty act).

SofaFromRomania · 03/07/2023 22:49

In a conversation with DH a long time ago he said if I was unfaithful he'd rather not know and that in his opinion it's only to make the unfaithful party feel better that they confess. It doesn't help the wronged party at all. I can see totally his point and I think he's probably right but I said I'd definitely want to know.
Could you tell your friend you were lying about you and the stripper for some reason?

CandidaAlbicans78 · 03/07/2023 22:44

3-4 minutes? Do you need some practice? 😏
This has to be a wind up. As much as I hate cheaters, I can see why you might fall into bed with someone. Suck a stranger off ( with the spit of many women before) ... Well that just makes no sense to me what-so-ever.

Daffodil92 · 03/07/2023 22:43

Four minutes! That’s a really long time. What were the others doing while this was going on? Honestly, sit and count four mins On aTimer.

MucozadeOnLucozade · 03/07/2023 22:42

So what did the stripper say/do as all this was happening? If you're not supposed to touch him like that, why didn't he stop you?

Wife2b · 03/07/2023 22:38

God this is disgusting, what were you thinking?! Not at all classy for a hen party either. Your husband deserves to know the truth so he can decide what happens next. Some posters are batshit, of course it’s cheating.

OhForFucksFuckingSake · 03/07/2023 22:34

If my husband had licked out a stripper while drunk on a stag do I really would not want to know about it.

As much as I feel confident saying that that is something he'd never do - I'm not so naive as to say it's impossible.

I also feel pretty confident in saying that if he did do something like that in the over-excitement of the moment, he would feel fucking awful about it in the cold light of day. IMO this would be punishment enough for him.

I'd really rather not know about it. Because if he told me then I'd have to do something about it and go scorched earth and it would be a massive load of hassle and upset for me that I'd rather do without.

If he was having a full-on affair then it would obviously be a different story. But I would be really pissed off if he threw a grenade into our very nice life over something so pointless and stupid.

I think you're just going to have to chalk this one up to experience OP. You might feel shitty, but there's nothing to be gained and much to lose from dumping it on your DH. The shittiness is all yours to live with.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 03/07/2023 22:31

Not having the guts to tell your Dh what happened but being able to suck off a stripper in public says an awful lot about you as a person.

I’m surprised at the amount of people that are telling you that it’s okay.

TheoTheopolis23 · 03/07/2023 22:28

Wtf were the other hens doing while op was behind the flag for 3-4 mins?

That's quite a bit of time in those circumstances.

TheoTheopolis23 · 03/07/2023 22:25

Whiskeypowers · 03/07/2023 13:45

If this was a man who’d performed fellatio on a lap dancer / stripper there would be 18 pages of LTB

A trans lap dancer?????

FrenchandSaunders · 03/07/2023 22:24

Cream horn 😂

well I love a drink and the first to admit I’ve often overdone it on nights out over the years …. however I’ve still managed to not suck a strippers dick in front of my friends 🤮

Crumpleton · 03/07/2023 22:23

TheoTheopolis23 · 03/07/2023 22:03

squirty-cream-gang-bang-blow-jobs

😂

Blow job crew would of had to of been quick, turn your back and that squirty cream dissapears.

PomegranateRose · 03/07/2023 22:16

BlueLiquid · 03/07/2023 21:37

Well OP, have you told your husband about the cream horn yet?

Cream horn!!! 😂😂😂😂

XVII · 03/07/2023 22:13

I dont think the op will be back…

Peachtoiletpaper · 03/07/2023 22:09

Whatever you decide to do, the initial post didn't give the indication that it was oral sex for several minutes hidden from the group while you were aroused by this man.

That is why much of the initial support appeared, I expect. You gave the impression you got carried away and did something momentary and stupid like briefly licking off a bit of cream from the end of his knob whilst the others were cheering. Not condoning that if the partner isn't ok with it but make no mistake, 3-4 minutes' of oral sex is common or garden cheating. What the man does for a living is immaterial.

It's also very disrespectful to your husband to laud the man's physicality on here, implying it is better than DH's. How much of of a pig would a man seem going 'I gave oral to a stripper for 3-4 minutes as I was so turned on by her fabulous tits and arse'?

MissingMoominMamma · 03/07/2023 22:09

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/07/2023 22:03

I accidentally tromboned the milkman, should I tell my wife ?

😂

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2023 22:07

I don't get it. Is PornHub down? Has its userbase devolved so much that it can't work out how to use it? Can they not get their knuckles far enough off the floor to wank now? Why do we get these people here? They have the entire Internet to cater to their needs, but a parenting website full of snapping, farting and massive salads is best for the job?

TheoTheopolis23 · 03/07/2023 22:03

squirty-cream-gang-bang-blow-jobs

😂

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 03/07/2023 22:03

I accidentally tromboned the milkman, should I tell my wife ?

MasterBeth · 03/07/2023 22:01

Libelula21 · 03/07/2023 16:18

By the sounds of it she was not expecting a stripper to be there. If you’re plied with alcohol all day, perhaps not enough to eat, and surrounded by other raucous women, things can easily develop into a situation you’d have chosen to avoid if you’d had prior notice.

Show quote history

No, there are absolutely no circumstances in which I would suck a stranger's cock in public. Or in private, as I'm married. You are still culpable for your own actions, whether you have been "plied with" (i e. chosen to drink) alcohol or not.