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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crop top for 9 year old?

61 replies

user1469094475 · 02/07/2023 11:47

I bought my daughter some crop tops recently to wear under her clothes. They're brightly coloured with wide straps and don't remotely resemble a bra, IMO. She's coming to the end of Year 4 and has recently had lessons on puberty in school.

I've heard through my daughter that her father (we're separated) thinks she's far too young and that crop tops are unnecessary and inappropriate. He's letting her wear them anyway but he's been commenting negatively about it.

Today I spoke to him about it to explain that IMO, this is precisely the correct age for crop tops (if she wants to wear them - she doesn't have to). He said it should not be until secondary school, when she is developing. IMO that's far too late as the whole point is to normalise the idea of growing up and to prepare her for wearing bras. When she's developing, she'll need bras, not just crop tops.

He didn't seem to agree but just said he'll let her wear them 'because you say so'. I asked him not to make disparaging comments because it's making a big deal about something that is simply an age appropriate item of clothing, not much different than out 6 year old preferring to wear trunks now rather than briefs.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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CurlewKate · 26/10/2024 16:27

If there's no development why wear a crop top?

Cxrrie · 26/10/2024 15:17

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TempestuousBehaviour · 06/07/2023 21:33

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Original poster
user1469094475 · 06/07/2023 21:24

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 06/07/2023 18:17

It's in the Daily Mail now

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12259209/My-ex-partner-thinks-nine-year-old-daughter-young-wear-crop-tops.html

Ew. Even being featured in it isn't enough to make me click on a Daily Mail link.

OP posts:
CandyflossKing · 06/07/2023 18:27

My 9 year old is in training bras. She was in crop tops however she has grown and they weren't supporting her. Age is irrelevant really.

OutsidInInsideOut · 03/07/2023 18:46

10 yo DD is pretty developed and is ina 32b training bra.

She wore crop tops from about 7

Original poster
user1469094475 · 03/07/2023 18:44

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 03/07/2023 11:18

Mine doesn't wear them (yr6 -11) she has some, she also has bras but chooses not to wear. I do think the getting used to wearing a bra is odd, it should be child led and I get the feeling this isn't. I prefer not to wear though so mine isn't really seeing it normalised, I will wear if the outfit requires it but not day to day (I'm DD, on the older side so should be sagging but I'm not) I just don't think it's good to say you have to wear this specific item of clothing

I wouldn't dream of telling DD she 'has to' wear anything - school uniform notwithstanding! - but I do think it's important to offer her the choice. My mum bought me crop tops around 9-10 and I was very relieved not to be the odd one out at PE.

I also think it's important to be up front about the changes that will happen during puberty so she's not taken by surprise when they happen. This is what I mean by 'normalise'. Not just for DD herself, who if she takes after me may not develop or get her period until much later on, but also so she understands that people experience these changes at different points and it's perfectly normal for there to be big differences between classmates, some of whom might start getting breasts and having periods soon, others of whom might not until much later. I've shown her where I keep my sanitary pads, for example, and she's taken a couple for her school bag so that even if she doesn't need them for a good while yet, she'll be able to help out if a friend gets caught out unexpectedly.

OP posts:
Marmablade · 03/07/2023 13:12

I'm with you OP. My DD asked for crop tops because she could see her darkening nipples through her white school t-shirt. Of course I bought them for her and she wears them. It's not just for support of breast tissue. In those cases a bra would be necessary.

PuttingDownRoots · 03/07/2023 11:19

My 10yo has been wearing one for months... especially under the thin white school blouses! She has a more supportive ones for sports even though there isn't anything really to support (partly because they sometimes need to change tops and she definitely doesn't want to be topless on the side of the field!!)
My now 12yo first asked for them in Yr4... it was changing for PE in the classroom that prompted it.
Its a perfectly normal piece of clothing for that age group.

Some girls are fully developed by end of Primary school.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 03/07/2023 11:18

Mine doesn't wear them (yr6 -11) she has some, she also has bras but chooses not to wear. I do think the getting used to wearing a bra is odd, it should be child led and I get the feeling this isn't. I prefer not to wear though so mine isn't really seeing it normalised, I will wear if the outfit requires it but not day to day (I'm DD, on the older side so should be sagging but I'm not) I just don't think it's good to say you have to wear this specific item of clothing

FeedMeTiramisu · 03/07/2023 11:06

My 10 year old wears them.

She has started developing breast buds and normal vests rub against her and she finds it painful and uncomfortable. Crop tops are more secure and as she puts it 'keep still' which minimise the tenderness.

TwoShades1 · 03/07/2023 11:01

Seems perfectly sensible. Maybe a touch early if she isn’t developing yet. But she may still want to wear them to fit in with friends. Or just as another layer incase tops ride up or she’s worried about visible nipples.

cocksstrideintheevening · 03/07/2023 10:49

DTs started wearing them tail end of y4, nothing to do with developing but it was communal changing in PE and they were self conscious and by that age none of them were wearing vests as too babyish.

SoupDragon · 03/07/2023 10:48

I got DD some when she asked for them. Probably Y4/5 I think. She wasn't comfortable getting changed for PE and her friends were starting to wear them.

Her father shouldn't be making negative comments about them.

I think the "getting used to wearing a bra" argument is a bit odd though.

PinkDaffodil2 · 03/07/2023 10:44

I started wearing them about that age. I remember a lot of girls were starting to develop by age 8/9. I wasn’t at all but felt more comfortable wearing a crop top because everyone else did. I think I just wanted to look the same as everyone else and didn’t want to draw attention to what was or wasn’t there.
I ended up being quite a late developer so didn’t really ‘need’ them for a good few years but definitely felt more comfortable being the same as my peers.

Diddykong · 03/07/2023 10:43

This is so important. My DM demonized crop tops. I was the odd one out and it made me feel like developing in itself was a bad thing, it needed to be hushed up etc. I went on to get a bra too late, be bullied for hairy legs because I wasn't allowed to shave and have a miserable time with periods. Trying to pretend all these developmental things won't happen is ridiculous and I think 9 is a great age to normalize discussions about bodies changing and if crop tops help this and make your dd feel excited rather than apprehensive about changes then go for it.

mogtheexcellent · 03/07/2023 10:38

Its the right age. Dd is nearly 9 and has been wearing them for a year now. I thought i was starting early (and only beacuse she is conscious of her pectus chest) but about half the girls in her class were wearing them.

On cold days she still uses a long vest and on hot summer days she often goes without.

CurlewKate · 03/07/2023 10:34

I think a girl should have crop tops if she wants them. But, unless a 9 year old has started to develop (some have) the idea of giving her crop tops to "normalise wearing a bra" is bonkers.

alwaysmovingforwards · 02/07/2023 19:04

OP, if you're effective co parents, and nothing suggests you're not, it would be good to have the chat with your ex and about things you / he will lead on.

As a woman you've far more firsthand understanding of a growing dd's needs than her dad will have.

I get that single parents have to do it all, but I do think if both parents are in the mix it makes sense for mums / dads to take the lead on specific topics based on an innate understanding.

Just imo. It's what me and my ex did anyway. It takes trust and belief in each other though.

Mum1976Mum · 02/07/2023 14:51

My DD had breast buds at 9 and a crop top was comfier. She has small actually boobs now in year 6 but is still in crop tops. We will make the move to sports bras in year 7. I can’t understand parents who have strict rules over children’s clothes. Give them a choice - offer vests and crop tops then she chooses. Both are appreciate at her age.

Catsanfan · 02/07/2023 14:48

I bought some for mine when they started getting breast buds, YADNBU

CindersAgain · 02/07/2023 14:27

BoohooWoohoo · 02/07/2023 13:02

It's not about keeping warm. PE is communal changing and if everyone else is wearing a crop top and not a vest then I understand why a girl might want to wear a crop top like her peers too.

My dd starting wearing one when she noticed others at school doing the same.

Show quote history

I was just picking up on the ‘same as age two’.

10HailMarys · 02/07/2023 13:28

Maybe for sport but the idea that anyone has to wear a bra at any other time is not really true.

Er… speak for yourself. All women are not the same as you.

If I went for a walk or did household tasks like cleaning or gardening without a bra on I’d be in physical discomfort. A few years ago I was in hospital for surgery on my arm and I went to the hospital shop in my pyjamas and dressing gown with no bra on and coming up a flight of stairs was so uncomfortable that I had to hold my good arm around my chest to keep my boobs in place. And it would have been even worse if it was the week before my period.

10HailMarys · 02/07/2023 13:17

I needed an actual bra at age 10-11 and probably would have appreciated a crop top phase before that.

I think crop tops at 9 are perfectly acceptable, and not really sexualising at all.