I have a long time friend who is very popular. We are both part of the same large group of friends, so we still see each once or twice a month, and I’m generally happy with my social life overall. But this person has maintained more friendships from every phase of her life than I have, so she has multiple groups. Part of that is she’s always been single without kids whereas I am married and have 2.
So, while we have always been fairly close, at some point it dawned on me that i only heard from this person when they had a “diary gap” to fill. And usually whenever i suggested something, often a) she was booked up, b) she couldn’t come because she was so hungover from the night before or c) did turn up hungover and then left early.
Last night, we invited her for a weeknight dinner on her birthday. It was nice but conversations obviously turned to social plans and of course she’s booked up every weekend till end of September. So we felt we’d done a nice thing to maintain intimacy on a weeknight, especially as she lives alone, but I realised again this person doesn’t “need” me or my friendship, not really.
I know it sounds ridiculous but I am now somehow pretty resentful, or rather, just irritated at this “friendship differential”. I sort of feel that if one side of a friendship is much more social/popular than the other, then those friends will never appreciate each other equally!