To ask why there are so many kids with mental health problems?

Really what has changed is parenting styles. I have an issue with attachment parenting - ie you have to have your baby on you all the time, respond all the time and if you don't they get insecure attachment. It's bollocks when it's that extreme. Babies in romanian orphanges may have not developed properly because of lack of response but attachment theory is just a theory. It's got loads of holes in it and it's very easy to criticise it. Also attachment theory says you only need to respond 30% of the time for normal development.. the parenting books using attachment theory as a way to parent so they can sell books are cherry picking bits and pieces out of one theory that can be easily disproven.

Children and babies had far less attention /pandering/a say in generations and generations ago. That's not to say ignoring your baby/children is right either but there really is a middle ground. Children who are brought up in charge of the house do awful in teenage years and beyond.

I think "DC" is absolutely ridiculous. Appreciate it might be how people talk in the Mumsnet heartlands but it's stupid. Sorry Mumsnet.

This has always been the case for most, though. 100 years ago, many children were in very large families, with fathers at work up to 14 hours a day, mothers exhausted with chores and too many children, and the toddlers often getting very little attention or being mainly looked after by an older sister. The well-off minority often left their children in the care of paid nannies, and sent their sons to boarding school from the age of 7 or 8.

Most studies suggest that child-care, so long as it is good quality, does not harm children's development.

giggly

who said it did? 🙄What I meant was Cahms across the board( going by forums filled with parents tearing their hair out across the country) aren’t interested in the “ a bit sad” kids. The ones on waiting lists are really struggling and quite ill.

And give over with your patronising lay person references. We’ve walked this way for several years. Parents are pretty experienced in how things are across MH services.

I don't think your take on this is universal. Don't you see a problem with normalising referring to children as C's on Mumsnet of all places! I haven't met anyone in my whole life that feels that extreme bitterness about children. It wouldn't even cross my mind to think about anyone like that and I don't know anybody in friendship circle, peers, family or colleagues that thinks like this.

Yeah you prove my point! Nobody else finds your children "darling" and that's why life is a horrible shocker for kids who are raised to expect everyone to dance around them like handmaidens for the littlest emperor.

Social Media (massive proliferation in last 10 years) esp on mobiles
pandemic (more time being spent on devices too)

Just to correct you there, different trusts CAMHS also offer a service to NDD, learning difficulties, accrued brain injuries etc so not “very ill”

See what pisses my boil is lay people talking in medical terms that they get so wrong and diagnosing all and sundry.
As a pp said sad does not equal depression
anxiety does not mean incapacitated etc.

Social media, bullying( which isn't always dealt with at school)
Covid
I do think there's a lot of pressure on DC now( sats etc) too which didn't exist when I was at school( and even my DC in their 20's)
It's really worrying

Your describing attachment, but a huge number in society have insecure attachment and manage perfectly fine with normal emotional reactions to abnormal situations

I would differentiate between those with a NDD and associated MH difficulties than those with MH difficulties alone.
Both very different presentations in general.

parliamoglesga · Yesterday 09:58
No resilience and no grit.

We also now pander to the minority in really odd way- see transgender issues and allowing normal life to be dictated to by a small minority who shout the loudest.

delusions of perfection perpetuated by social media.

Poor parenting in the sense that there’s perhaps not great discipline and now instead of children “being seen and not heard” they’re “seen and heard all the time”. There’s a happy medium there in that we should always be mindful of children and their opinions but also aware that they’re not decision makers or rulers of the roost.

All of this 100% - and, while it's great that the support and awareness is there for those that do need it - at my teenage DCs school they constantly do seminars and talk about anxiety and mental health to the point that kids feel that they must have anxiety or poor mental health rather than the usual ups and downs of being a teenager.

'most D-est C' wow- lovely way to reference children.

Especially with insecure housing. It’s really hard to feel part of a community

@VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji Yes, it certainly wasn't all roses. Maybe we need something else to give people hope, purpose and belonging.

I am not religious either but I do think it helped form a community, the support it offered and sense of belonging.

I mean with that came condemnation and rejection so it wasn’t all good obviously!

I am not religious, but maybe there were some benefits to its structure, rather than our secular society. People might have found that having a sense of purpose, believing in the soul, in service and community helped them in life. Society and culture seem to be losing the sense of soul, which is probably not very inspiring to the young.

I think phone use in general has a lot to answer for.

It reduces our need to socialise in person or get up and do anything as our entertainment is right there. I notice myself that suddenly hours can go by scrolling and I’ve not really achieved anything that day. I frequently see people of all ages sitting around just on their phones messaging people that aren’t there etc whereas in the past they’d have all found something to do together.

Many teens also seem to live in fear that they might “miss something” if they aren’t glued to their phone, plus there’s the comparisons to other peoples “best lives” and if you are having a hard time at school it can follow you home now via your phone.

Add constant news updates to your phone plus the lack of freedom without being supervised, kids have phone and trackers on them all the time and it’s a bit like being in a gilded cage.

The early years are a time when a child's brain is developing rapidly. Some say it's the most important stage. Nowadays most parents (myself included) employ someone else to care for their child at his age, either by dropping them at nursery or with a childminder etc. Maybe those children feel rejected? Maybe it starts off a whole chain of negative feelings, of not being worthy or something? I don't know, but it is a change in our society and it worries me for my own children (though may just be my mum guilt coming out).

This

Then they are doing it wrong.
gentle parenting isn’t about just letting them got on with it.
its been the safety net that allows them to push their boundaries and build their independence and resilience.
it’s not brushing feelings under the carpet and instead helping them understand their feelings and move forward with them.

id take gentle parenting over crying it out and no eye contact any day

I was given a copy when I was pregnant. I thought it was a joke. I genuinely did.

I don't agree with this at all - cocaine was very available many many years ago, as was vallium. Diets were much poorer. Alcohol was thought to be fine in pregnancy and so was smoking. Drs would recommend Guinness and fags to pregnant women. We've come a long way in terms of pregnancy related health and knowing what's good and what's bad. As a whole, our nation drinks and takes drugs at a much lower level than previous generations.

Why not wonder, it’s a variable , alcohol causes foetal alcohol syndrome, cocaine alters your dopamine receptors in your brain.

Women have their eggs from birth, men produce sperm all the time. If people are told take vitamins and eat healthily before conceiving, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that drug use would have an effect .

Totally agree with this. I grew up in the 90s and I remember some pretty depressed self harming teens when I was in school but I doubt their parents or teachers were even aware. It just wasn't talked about. Eating disorders were quite visible in terms of awareness but not other mental health issues. My own cousin in her teens was in and out of mental health hospitals with depression but as a family we were not allowed mention it to anyone there was such a stigma attached to it. I find even the language my teens have to describe their feelings great and they seem very aware of friends struggling and outwardly look to support them. In saying that I do think social media and the reduction in physical social interactions has played a part in negatively impacting teens mental health. It isn't good for anyone to live more in your head. Thankfully mine are involved in sport and I can see the difference in their demeanor when they come back from training or a match they are revitalised. It is so important