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Original poster

Punching boy at school

114 replies

BackAgain2023 · 21/06/2023 10:46

Looking for some advice... there's a boy in 6yo DS class who keeps hitting him (and another couple of children) and calling him names. It's been going on off and on since the start of the year. DS tells the teacher each time and has been trying to stay away from him. Previously the teachers had been encouraging everyone to include him but I've given DS permission to not play with him as he won't stop hitting him.
I know the child and his parents well unfortunately so it's quite awkward. I've spoken to the school and I don't feel they're taking it seriously tbh.
DS friends parents have given their wee boy permission to now punch the boy back and they'll deal with any trouble from the school. My husband thinks we should tell DS to do the same thing and that it's just self defence and if the school won't do anything then DS needs to protect himself.
It feels so wrong telling my child to punch someone but maybe this is the only way the boy will leave him alone?
For further info, the boy has no known special needs but has a bit of a chaotic household and siblings with special needs. He seems like a very angry child which is sad but I need to protect my child from being assaulted on a near daily basis.

OP posts:
MrsO3 · 21/06/2023 10:55

Me and my sisters were always told when growing up not to be anyone's punch bag. My dad drummed it into us not to ever let anyone hit us and to hit them straight back/push them away etc not tolerate it from the start otherwise if they do it once they'll keep doing it again and again. We were clearly told NEVER EVER to bully/hit first but to ALWAYS hit back/defend ourselves to prevent being bullied.
I now have my own 3 DC (ages 4, 2 and 5 months so not school age yet but DD 4 year old will be starting school in September) and I will absolutely tell them the same as my dad told me.

OhBling · 21/06/2023 10:55

I think there's a big difference between telling your child to punch another child and telling your child that it is okay to defend himself if no one else is doing anything.

So, encourage him to shout, "STOP HITTING ME" every single time (and if he tells you that the school says they're not allowed to shout, assure him that if the teachers have an issue with it you will come and talk to them). then, if that doesn't help, then absolutely, if he is punched he can shout and then push the other boy away. And again, tell him you will absolutely come and support him if he gets in trouble.

To my endless regret, I did not take this sort of thing seriously enough at primary school with Ds and I think he got bullied a lot and then retaliated in a way that meant HE got into trouble eg by sidling up to the child and purposefully shoving him... 30 minutes later. Don't be me.

bibbityboppityboo · 21/06/2023 10:55

Hankunamatata · 21/06/2023 10:50

Tell him to push him (arms straight out) and scream 'stop it xxxx' very very loudly, every single time

Definitely this - draws attention to it (hopefully from a teacher who will do something) and is totally defensive rather than offensive.

SoupDragon · 21/06/2023 10:55

Hankunamatata · 21/06/2023 10:50

Tell him to push him (arms straight out) and scream 'stop it xxxx' very very loudly, every single time

I'd go with this.

I think it would be more effective than punching back and less likely to cause trouble.

Original poster
BackAgain2023 · 21/06/2023 10:54

I've sent an email and spoken about it on the phone. We're definitely not moving schools, it's an excellent school otherwise and only 5 minute walk from our house. DS also has some wonderful, lovely friends there. I don't think it's very easy to move schools here, you're expected to attend your catchment school. There's only a week left of term, Im hoping it won't continue next year.
will look into the school complaints procedure.

OP posts:
MotherNatureisaTERF · 21/06/2023 10:54

Ive taught my kids to put their arms out and shout "STOP! You're hurting me. I dont like this." Very clear direct language

I would also advise them to stay away and not play.

At the age of 6 no I wouldn't advise my kids to hit back.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/06/2023 10:53

Maybe we need to teach DS how to punch properly

No, I don't agree. In my experience teaching 6 year old to punch never ends well. Just a good push back and a loud voice should be fine at this age.

SunLover1985 · 21/06/2023 10:52

Yes, tell him to hit back and defend himself. Like most bullies, he’s preying on the kids who he doesn’t think will turn on him.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/06/2023 10:51

Btw at the age of 6 I wouldn't consider it bullying, especially as it sounds as if this child is not targeting anyone but clearly has some issues. However he is more likely to learn from a firm shove from a peer than from lots of talking.

Original poster
BackAgain2023 · 21/06/2023 10:51

That's what my husband thinks. It's so hard to go against the "don't hit back, tell a teacher" but the teachers aren't doing anything! Maybe we need to teach DS how to punch properly, he has been going to karate so that might help. DS is really quite a resilient wee thing but it's beginning to grind him down.

OP posts:
MigGirl · 21/06/2023 10:50

What contact have you had with the school? Have you been in to see them and talked about what has been going on?

You can start a complaints procedure with the school if they aren't dealing with the issue.

If they won't deal with it you may have to look at moving schools.

Hankunamatata · 21/06/2023 10:50

Tell him to push him (arms straight out) and scream 'stop it xxxx' very very loudly, every single time

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/06/2023 10:49

I wouldn't say punch him, but tell him it's ok to firmly shove the child away from him while shouting STOP HITTING ME.

Heretotry · 21/06/2023 10:47

Definitely tell him to hit back . Bullies prey on the weak