Punching boy at school

I'm not sure if I could get DS to punch him anyway, he'd likely be more comfortable pushing away.

If he's hesitant to use force that tip above about practicing at home with a pillow might help. If he can push you or your husband backwards a hundred times the movement will be familiar when he needs it, and it needs to be a nice strong push.

I really feel for your DS, it's so hard. Sometimes being told to fight back is quite ominous and scary for a young child - they don't know how, they're scared of repercussions, etc. So I agree with PP about you practising at home. Tell him exactly what steps to take and in what order.

Tell him to push in the centre of the body (not shoulders) with both hands, arms outstretched, and take a big step forward while he does so. As soon as other child is at least a foot away or on the floor, tell your son to step back and regain his footing, in case the boy comes back at him and he needs to do it again. Afterwards he should go to a teacher and explain what happened.

Best of luck to him and you.

We had this when my son was in yr2. Same child was constantly pushing and punching him, grabbing him from behind by his arms, pinning him up againest walls etc. School did absolutely nothing. Our advice was to just hit him back, and enforcing the fact that he can defend himself.
One day the boy grabbed our son from behind by his arms and son threw his head back into the boys mouth. That was the end of it, literally. Never laid a finger on him again.

Absolutely tell him to punch back, it's the only way to deal with bullies.

I had one of these in primary too. She bullied me mercilessly. In the end my Mum told me to just 'thump her' the next time she tried to hit me, so I did exactly that.
I think it was the first time anyone had stood up to her and the look of absolute shock on her face is something I remember to this day. It was absolutely worth the lunch break I spent by the wall as punishment.

Weirdly we became friends after that. Still see her now from time to time. Neither of us have ever mentioned it again though and it's been 30 odd years 😂

@BackAgain2023 IDK if this will help but we did self defence practice at home, and I had DS practice shoving a pillow and shouting 'no' while I held it. It turned out to be a good way to help him let off steam as well.

We were in the same boat, and like another PP I told the school I was fed up with them ignoring the problem and had told my DS he had my permission to fight back. It had gone on for a year and escalated during a school trip.

The bullying stopped the day DS shoved him hard enough to push him over and shouted at him.

Are you in Scotland? No idea about the system there, but in England those policies have to be easily available to parents and are normally on the school websites. That's a good starting point. If they aren't there, just ask the school to send you copies.

Another one here saying fight back. It’s the only way. I was bullied when I was at secondary by a girl and it stopped completely the day I stood up to her. (She even apologised drunkenly a few months later, stupid cow)

There's a similar boy in my son's class. I've told my son to hit him back and I told him teachers I said that (they were not impressed).

My son won't, though, and it's still happening.

it breaks my heart to see my son so upset after getting kicked and punched yet again.

My DS (asd) had this when he was about 8. Boy in his class would repeatedly kick him in the back during floor time. DS would move away, boy would follow and continue. One day DS just had enough, turned around and punched him in the face. When I was told I backed DS all the way. Boy never did it again. Problem solved. DS is now late teens and the most gentle soul, has never ever hit again or even had an argument. Everyone has their breaking point.

I'd suggest you ask for a meeting with the headteacher and class teacher, including next year's teacher, plus the governor with responsibility for safeguarding. Tell them you would like the agenda to be how they are going to keep your child safe in school. Go into the meeting armed with the school's anti-bullying policy and discipline policy, and check through them beforehand so you can ask questions about what exactly they are doing to implement those policies. Say that you want to come out of that meeting with a plan in place that will ensure, so far as is reasonably possible, that this child will never attack yours again. The plan should include details of who your child contacts if he is attacked and how that information will be shared and acted on.; also who you should contact if you have concerns.

During the meeting, take notes - or ideally have someone with you to take notes. Afterwards, write up your own minutes and send them to the school: the minutes should again record exactly what the action plan is to keep your child safe, and who will be responsible for which parts of that plan.

We had the same with oldest DS. 1 boy would do the same as you described to numerous boys. Punch, kick etc etc. In the end we said just do it back and i went into school and told the teachers this is what we had given our son permission to do and not bother me if it happens.
The other boy if he behaved during a lunch was then given special play time in the afternoon! Mind boggling that schools see this as the way to deal with bad behaviour.

Yes, I feel the same about nephew. But it's sadly not practical. I'm pretty sure the teachers are tearing their hair out.

Also, if your DS is interested, look around for a martial arts class. You have to suss them out, but the one our children attended included quite a lot of self defence and practice for things like this. So, for example, they used to practice pushing someone's hand away while shouting, "don't touch me!!!". Then I'd tell DD to use that on nephew if he touched her....

I had this situation when DS was around the same age. I was called into school where it was explained that DS had been hit several times but that the boy's parents had been told and he would be punished. It happened again and DS never responded. I told the teacher that DS would only take so much. DS was much bigger than the other child. Around a week later DS did punch the child back and hurt him. They couldn't punish DS because both the parents and school had had their opportunities to stop this little bully. He never touched DS again.

I was bullied for years in primary. Ended up pinning my bully in last year of primary by the throat against the wall. Deputy took me to her room, gave me a hot chocolate and a biscuit and a cuddle - didn't say a word. My mum came, picked me up and gave me a cuddle and told me she was sorry that she hadn't taken it more seriously and that standing up for myself was the way to move forward

Op, the child who is giving your child a hard time sounds very similar to one of my nephews. I feel desperately sorry for the other families and children in his class. Nephew has a tough time at home with a complicated break up situation between his parents, he probably has some additional needs as well that are being ignored by his parents for their own reasons and as a result, he is often unbearable to be around.

From experience, I can tell you that your child pushing back and saying "NO" very firmly will be 5000x more effective than your child attempting to get the teacher to intervene - not least because the teacher is probably also trying to support this child and not be coming down on him constantly when his life is already pretty chaotic.

TheYearOfSmallThings · Today 10:49
I wouldn't say punch him, but tell him it's ok to firmly shove the child away from him while shouting STOP HITTING ME.”

This and tell a teacher every single time it happens.