Punching boy at school

If your friendly with the parents then you need to speak to them. I get it's awkward but your son comes first and you need to tell them it needs sorting otherwise you will be telling your son to steer clear of him.

I was bullied for a few months towards the end of primary school , one day i flipped and smacked him in the mouth , right hook resulting in 2 teeth missing and no one bothered me again .

It was a fair few years ago mind

Scottish schools though. All of the legal power is in the hands of the bully. The victim and the school can do nothing whatsoever about it. This is the country where a rapist got away without a prison sentence cause he was under 25 so could comprehend his crime. It is really warped here.

What if the OP's child falls and hits their head after being thumped?

There's nothing wrong with physically defending yourself if all else has failed.

Next time get your DS to hit him as hard as he can. (I know that’s very difficult if your DS is a gentle soul).
He’ll never go near your DS again.

Horrible situation.

Hitting back was the only thing that stopped my daughter's bully when she was 8 as the school seemed incapable of dealing with it.

This is what I told my ds to do.

The first time he did it to the child that hurt him at least once daily I got a phone call from the school.

"Ds shoved child X today"

"Did he shout stop it at the same time?"

"Yes"

"Have you not wondered why he was pushing a child away from him and shouting stop?"

"We don't accept hitting in this school"

"Well clearly you do as you've not stopped child X hitting my ds for the past 6 months. So now he'll not only stop him personally by pushing him away he'll shout loud enough to draw your attention to him being assaulted so you can deal with the pupil hitting him - as you e just said yourself you don't tolerate it. Was there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

From the following week that kid never touched ds again. They were best friends 3 months later and turned out he was a great kid - just one who no one ever bothered to teach boundaries and social skills too.

12 years later they are still mates!

What if the child falls and hits their head?

I’m a teacher and I’d be telling my DS to punch him back! Especially given the fact you’ve given school ample opportunity to resolve this. The fact they haven’t is worrying (unless the child has SEN and they’re trying to put alternative provision in place behind the scenes - although they should still have put measures in place to safeguard the rest of the children!)

Find the responses on this thread insane.
The school have a responsibility to keep your DS safe. They are not doing that if he is getting hit.
so, we often have it that in the general push and pull of a cloakroom or when lining up for example, kids get shoved about and hit by children who have been/feel trampled. It’s daily and I’m not talking ‘hit’ like an adult hit but rather a mild shove to get space. Some kids go straight to their parent and say ‘X hit me’ and it will have been so minor but for the listening parent it sounds like a big deal. They act interested so the kid makes sure to tell the parent every single time - neglecting their own part in it or their part in other issues in the day. They are six. There are lots of things that happen. Saying your son can hit back is inviting a whole world of trouble and is Neanderthal behaviour breeding angry men and boys who can’t negotiate and can’t prevent their emotions flaring. Talk to the school! Get some proper and realistic perspective. If this child is a danger then you make it clear he is a risk and you expect a plan to make sure your son is kept safe. Tell you son to keep away from this boy. To say he has permission is wrong imo. Either hitting is wrong or it isn’t. Which is it?

On the contrary. Hitting a violent bully is the best way to deal with them.

Do you not care about the long term effects on the victim's mental state from repeated bullying? There are so many adults out there whose whole lives have been blighted by childhood bullying which completely ruined their confidence and mental health.

I will bet you any amount that there are far, far more people out there who dearly wish they'd been encouraged to fight back against childhood bullies than who wish they hadn't.

Good DOES sometimes come from hitting back though. It's a lesson for both the bully and the victim. The confidence to stand up for yourself and for the bully the shock that what they are doing to someone else hurts and isn't acceptable and that actions have consequences...and I don't mean getting a feeble telling off by a parent. It's a short sharp shock. In my DS case, DS and the bully were actually OK afterwards. I wouldn't say best friends but certainly got along. Had DS not stood up for himself who knows how long he would have been miserable at school as the bully had absolutely no fear of being told off by his mum at all. Luckily now grown up he's a nice lad!

From experience, this just initiates a scrap. A shove isn't the same as a punch.

The poor boy being hit will push back which will give the bullies green light to hit even more and OPs son will get hurt.

Again, from experience, hitting back does help. Your son is well within his rights to defend himself. Poor thing. I hope it resolves and well done for speaking up for him!

How appalling that your 6yr old child is facing violence and bullying at school. The violent bully needs excluding from the school. Write to the school that they are well aware that your child has been hurt by this bully and is suffering stress from the constant threat of violence. Say that, until the school takes action to remove this violent child, that your child will remain in safety at home. The bully’s parents can pay for your babysitting costs.

There were a couple of girls like this in dd's year in primary. DH kept saying hit her back, and I kept saying no you can't, so poor dd was very confused; I am deeply ashamed of the way I handled this situation, btw.

I saw her teacher umpteen times, face to face - we got on well - but just as when myum saw my teachers about my bully and I just got it worse next day, dd just got more targetted by her bully afterwards.

The school did try though, the girl wasn't allowed to play out at breaktimes when all the other kids, including dd, went outside, she had to go home at lunchtimes etc. But no one can keep an eye on a determined every single minute; when the girl couldn't get at dd during school day, she'd get her at the school gates and give her chinese burns, push her in bushes, taunt her, pull her hair, etc. By that time we were giving dd more independence and she was allowed to walk from school with other friends so it was a short while before she told us what was going on. The HT washed her hands of it - outside school grounds outside school time, so dh rang police.... that got the school on board again, though HT never spoke to us again or even looked at us, and dd never got the awards and things her teachers said she should have (Gifted and Talented stuff and the like). Much much worse was that after a year when they'd been in different classes, they were to be put back in the same class. We went to talk to their next year's teacher to saywe weren'thappy about it, but heinsisted that he was going to make sure they were all one happy family in hus class and they wouldn't be behaving like that; he hadn't got a clue how to stop it though. We sent dd to a different school immediately. She didn't even finish the year at the old place; it was shit.

Anyway, I think a strong push with a good loud shout is a much better idea, and I wish I'd let dh encourage her to hit back, and damn the consequences.

Our DD has a similar situation with a boy in her class hitting other students. At the start of the year we told her to shout very loudly "NO HITTING" and push him if provoked.

He has never hit her once.

She also chased him off when he tried to hit her friend 🤣

I’m a school governor. I strongly advise that you write down every time this happens and email it to the teacher and headteacher. Set up a meeting and ask how it will be addressed to keep your child safe at all times. The school has a responsibility to keep children safe. If it does not improve then follow your school’s formal complaint policy. If you don’t let the school know in a way that is recorded, things can escalate and they won’t have a chance to act.
have experienced this with one of my dc and it got worse and worse over the years as no one reported anything because it became so commonplace.

Definitely punch back. Your child is well within his rights to defend himself against this undisciplined bully. I'd pull the school up on their bullying and safeguarding policies too. Their stance ( or lack of ) is negligent

Its absolutely ok to hit someone to defend yourself.

You say no good ever comes from hitting anyone… plenty of us have stated on this thread that we hit back once when we were bullied and then the bullying promptly stopped. Seems good to me, no?

OP I think I'm going through something very similar to you and actually posted about it the other day on the preteens thread. I won't repeat it but I didn't get involved for too long as I didn't want to cause trouble, not realising the extent of the problem. I also don't know what advice to give DS so am reading here with interest.

no good evercomes from hitting someone.

Except that judging by the examples of PPs, it clearly does! Several posters have talked about the bullying stopping after the bully got a smack… (if we were talking about adults, I would agree with you).

OP I could have written your post. We’ve said to DS to push the boy away and shout loudly stop hurting me.

The parents of the boy doing it say he’s just boisterous, and doesn’t mean it. Meanwhile my son has had a black eye from his boisterousness.

Yep. Tell your DS to thump the little shit back twice as hard. Unfortunately my child is so gentle they won’t do it and therefore gets picked on.

In this situation I'll tell my DC: " you don't start it, but you finish it! And Mun & Dad will be 100% behind you."
Sadly with the attitude of go and tell a teacher without retaliating, the bully will continue to bully as they know there are no real consequences.

School is survival of the fittest, especially secondary schools!