Clique at gym classes

It can be frustrating when gym cliques form, but just let them. You are there for yourself, and that’s all that matters. Any friendships you make along the way are just a bonus. Once you embrace this mindset, the right people will naturally gravitate toward you.

This is very interesting to me as I own a couple of fitness studios. The classes have the same capacity as yours.

At one point a culture had developed exactly like what you've described OP. Four or five women formed a little gang. They were obnoxious. They'd moan if it wasn't their favourite trainer, they'd refuse to share if it was partner work, they'd demand to know how many were booked in as they preferred when it was a smaller group. They would adopt some newbies but ignore others. They'd advise newbies to demand the early bird rate months after it had expired. If they missed a class they'd arrive unannounced to a later one and insist to the trainer it was ok to join.

I found them very unpleasant to deal with but thought I should rise above it. Then I found out other members were leaving as they didn't enjoy the atmosphere so I tackled it head on.

I retrained the trainers on how to manage the room. I disabled and deleted comments and made some announcements about studio rules. Two left of their own accord and I didn't try to change their minds. I spoke to two of them directly. One left furious. The other one I had to eject. No regrets.

If the owner or a manager is onsite have a word about how you love the classes but the atmosphere can be unpleasant.

Is it really a clique, or just a group of people who, y'know, know each other? Suspect you are reading way to much into it and they aren't, in fact, giving the evils to all and sundry. If they don't know you, why do you think they should be including you in anything?

Unless they are actually stopping you from participating, just go to the class and get on with it.

I agree.

I have seen a few threads on here in this vein, often about school gate cliques. If any of these women are actually glaring then clearly they’ve some mental health problems. But it could be the op feels excluded from the friendship group and is envious they are all mates so is not reacting well.

Glaring at people is not being bullies. And just because someone thinks they are being glared at, it doesn't mean they are.

What do you actually think will happen if you go and tell the gym management that you're unhappy someone looked at you funny in a class?

I'm surprised by some of these reactions. Of course adults can and do behave abhorrently. Whether you call them a clique or a 'friendship group', if they're glaring at people, they're being bullies. I don't understand the motivation, though. Do you think they want the class all to themselves?

If I understand correctly, you're saying the instructor is friendly with this group? Otherwise, I'd consider saying something to them. You could at least leave an anonymous message, if possible, with the gym, explaining the problem. It's probably a waste of time, but I'd feel better getting it off my chest. (NB: Only do this if they won't be able to deduct by the process of elimination that you're the 'complainer'.)

The best option is to ignore them, but if they're honestly intimidating, I'd consider finding another class entirely.

Just ignore it, couldn’t get worked up about this. All the glaring is very odd. I’d be mildly amused, past that you’re there for the class, it’s fine for them to be mates, so crack on and do your class.

what do you mean by “4months later”?
It happened yesterday.

Op, you can tell from some of the replies that people do think it’s ok to act like the gym is the playground.

Try and ignore them and enjoy your class.

Tbh for me, i don’t go to the gym to make friends. The most i do is return a smile but i’m straight in, straight out. I don’t engage, apart from with the class, really.

Ignore. Poke your tongue out. These people are absurd.

@Ykn your encounter in the morning class ?. That’s disgusting! They sound like they have a pathetic gang mentality.

I would feel the same tbh. It’s pathetic for for adults to behave this way.

I have been in this situation. The problem is that those people spoil the class by dictating the spaces that others in the class can occupy. God help a newcomer if they innocently take one of these people’s spots. I once set up my weights etc for a class, turned my back and then realised that someone had moved them to the back because I was in “her spot”. If she had asked I would have given her the spot. They act as though they own the class when you have all paid exactly the same fees to do it. If anything like this is happening in your class I think you should move on and report the teacher who enables this behaviour to management. That’s what I did. The teacher grovelled and begged me to return, but I had had enough.

Think my post comes across as quite harsh, but it's meant in a friendly tone.

Just don't pay them any mind. I sometimes wonder if I come over cliquey at school. I'm
Very friendly and know loads of people but I'm also very awkward and just trying to get in and out and still often in a daze TBF.

I don't understand why this matters?

I had one cliquey instructor who didn't like me much it was a bit awkward but I enjoyed her classes and it didn't make any difference if mg work out.

There was one I adored, I was probably in her 'clique' but she was lovely to everyone so far as i
could see. Tbh I'd got 2 kids under 2 and god knows what facial expressions I made for the first couple of years at that gym as I was constantly half asleep and in survival mode.

People are allowed groups of friends. People don't have to include just anyone.

A lot of glares are resting bitch face rather than personal.

Even if they do have a clique that's a bit sad if them, but it doesn't effect your work out.

Going to the gym without a group of friends usually results in a better workout imo.

Stop thinking about them. I bet they aren't thinking about you.

It is a fair point.

Oh fgs..!

Perfectly put.

Women can be very unkind to those they feel threatened by, OP. I bet you're younger (or look younger) and are prettier than them, and/or have something they want.

Some useful advice here and maybe this is not a clique...

But I am here to tell you that adult cliques are a thing.

I encountered one at a toddler group years ago... turned up with my LO and the lady greeted us with "hello, welcome, we're not cliquey here you know"... odd sort of welcome I'm sure you'll agree...

well it was indeed a clique... around 8 mums and me in a massive hall... No-one said hello or returned my smile. At snack time they dove in straight away and took most of the food for their own kids and left mine with hardly anything... I could not wait to get out of there! As I left the organiser said "thanks for coming, will you come back??"...

I felt sorry for her, she obviously knew a bunch of unfriendly mums had taken over for themselves and were putting ppl off but didn't know what to do about it.

I found it weird and never went back- lots of other, much better toddler groups to attend.

Very well said 👏👏

She's not looking for empathy, she's looking for people to join her in complaining about a random group of women at a gym class, because they happen to know each other and not her.
I'm not joining in her bitching about them and stand by my comments. OP needs to grow up.

Cliques aren't a thing , we're not american teenagers,

I've been to loads of exercise classes over the years and have rarely if ever noticed cliques, maybe they exist but I don't notice

@babetyouknow
*Oh please. They aren't a clique, they're just a group of friends. Grow up.

Maybe you're getting a glare because they can smell the playground attitude off you.*

Do you feel better now that you attempted to make someone who’s looking for a bit of empathy feel like sh*t? How sad if you do.

I don't know, I'll just ignore the "saving space" if you already stand up there.

but them or us, not everyone is going to the gym to talk with strangers.

Why should they be forced to speak with newcomers or other people any more than a person on their own should?

Everyone should politely smile and nod at others, but that should be the end of any interraction.

I know exactly what you mean and the class I loved intimidated me when I started because of the cliquey chit chat. Ten years later and I realise it’s simply conversation between people who see each other a couple of times a week and are Nic etc each other (& now also to me). They were incredibly supportive of one lady who had had a new hip and was on her own over covid. I totally mistook the friendliness of regulars for exclusionary / cliquey behaviour. Be friendly to them - who knows, they might just be nice back