43 and wanting another

There's no need at any age. There clearly IS a want at our age for many women

So if someone can't conceive at 42 it's because God decided they'd be a bad older parent so he's not letting it happen? But he'll let actively choose to let a woman who is high in drink and drugs get pregnant? Good to know.

Wow these comments are heartbreaking 💔. Nothing wrong with wanting to grow your family at any age. God will decide wen it’s too late

Also for many of us you hit late 40s and the lovey dovey mummy hormones drain away and you really can’t be arsed any more. That would be quite tough if your child is still young and needy….but coincides quite nicely with teens wanting to do their own thing. I can happily drive teens around and gossip with them but sitting on a church floor singing wheels on the bus would tip me ovef the edge.

I'm 40 and have a 19 and 16 year old. I couldn't start again, having my own time is bliss.

FFS ignore it! At that (our) age there is absolutely no need or want for another baby!!! 😳

I have two and definitely had an irrational hope for a 3rd for the last several years. I’m 44 now and the last 6 months i suspect I’m peri menopausal, my energy levels are on the floor and I’ve had one cold after another. I never would’ve been able to handle a 3rd baby.

@Mamai90 that is exactly it! I have no idea what I was thinking when I thought having another one in my 40s was a good idea. When I came out of it, it felt like I had been brainwashed or something. Female hormones are so strong and they really mess with your head in all sorts of ways.

I'm 42 my youngest is 4 months!

I'm pregnant with my second aged 41. I had my first at 39 but if I was in your shoes I wouldn't. I had a great pregnancy with my first but I can't say I'm still not anxious having a baby at this age. If I had two healthy kids I wouldn't risk another or potentially put my own health at risk. I really wanted to give my daughter a sibling but that will be me done and dusted.

I've seen similar questions on here and lots of women wanting another in their early 40s but by the time they are mid forties they are glad they didn't.

I did it at 42. Although, to be fair, I had always wanted three but dh thought two was more than enough.

Ds1 and ds2 were almost 11 and 9 when dh relented changed his mind and ds3 was born. I don’t regret it. He’s almost 17 and although he has autism, he is amazingly independent, does really well academically, has a part time job after school and does voluntary work on a Saturday. He is, in many ways, a very different character to either of his brothers and brings a completely new dimension to the family. All three are very close and I’ve really enjoyed all the teenaged years.

However, I often think of how lucky we’ve been. When we planned a third and when I was pregnant I thought that I would love any baby “no matter what” and having worked with children with disabilities, naively thought I would cope with whatever I was given, but now, at nearly 60, I would struggle to manage a young adult needing a lot of care.

Only you can decide what the right thing is for you and your family.

Thank you @billy1966 for your kind words. Meant a lot to me.

I am so sorry to read this.

I think it is awful to lose your mum when young and your 20's are still so young.

Your mum was in a "the perfect storm" of menopause and teens, it would have been very hard on you both.

But I'm sure she loved you to bits and would have been absolutely devastated at leaving you, really devastated.

My nightmare is exactly this.

I think you should think of some counselling because although you have nothing at all to forgive yourself for, you may wrongly blame yourself for your totally normal clashes.

Wishing you well.

I had a 2nd dc at 42, and for me age hasn't been an issue - I don't find it too tiring at all. But then I just have 2 dc to deal with, I'm a sahm so can focus on the children, and have a lovely DH who is home at 5.30 every night and with us every weekend to share the work. I wouldn't be having a 3rd dc at any age if I was pretty much doing it alone.

I'll be 53 when I stop doing the primary school runs (we're in London so secondary kids make their own way). But it's a 5 min walk so no big deal, and a private school so most mums here will be a similar age by Yr 6.

I’d love to go back and experience my two as babies again- I can get sad if I think of never having a newborn again but hell no do I want anymore children- no no no! Two children I still have a vague life, 3 would floor me and the sacrifice wouldn’t be worth it

Just that I wouldn't be wanting to be doing the school run with my DC in my 60s 🤷‍♀️

When you say 'I know I can't have another', do you mean it's impossible for medical reasons?

I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make. This is quite commonplace both at private schools & the worst school areas - as women do tend to have late in live babies there. Nobody normal bats an eyelid.

That hormonal urge is so powerful! Please think of the wonderful times you'll be able to share with your girls when they are teens - just did Harry Styles with my two. As the third, I know I took precious attention, as the baby, from my two older siblings. And the wise MNetters pointing out that number 3 could be extra challenging need listening to.

Billy as always speaks wise sense.

Even lovely teens are incredibly draining emotionally practically and financially. We praise the lord daily we stopped at 2.

Two is a lovely number..... one for each hand. I'm 42 with 20yr old and 22yr old so quite different to your situation, I have always wanted a girl but I know I could not cope with the lack of sleep and everything else that comes with another. Hope you make a decision that suits your family.

Fully agree. I'm 41 with a 6m old, it's is just so so so hard. You would be utterly mad to do this imo. But that's for you to decide.