Selfish husband?

Yeah but she wouldnt have to put up with him and the youngest wouldnt feel dispised and neglected by her father every day of her life.

God he sounds like an utter tosser, how can he reject his kid

It is very weird. Is he not bothered that his baby DD will not bond with him?

Yes. I think the agreement is better than the alternatives, including the 'accident'.

(Well, not better than spelling out the number of children she required very early in the relationship but that ship had sailed.)

She should be COMMENDED? For coming up with a ridiculous ‘agreement’ rather than sexually assaulting her husband?

If she left she'd have more work to do, not less.

The OP could have arranged an "accident" and got her way on her own terms. She didn't and should be commended for that, she talked about it openly and they came up with a compromise.

The kids will be utterly fine. They really aren't going to notice who did most hoovering.when they were toddlers.

Better yet for her mum to demonstrate that women aren't domestic skivvies for men by leaving.

And there's nothing special per se about dads - plenty of useless ones out there that children are largely better off without. Probably a few useless mums as well, but the useless dads seem to outnumber them. No child is "lucky" just because they have a male parent in their life - depends whether they're worth having or not.

Your eldest didn't need a sibling, the second baby was for you really, be honest.
Neither of you are shining examples of decent parents to do this to your family and each other, most of all your children, both will suffer horrendously if this behaviour continues.

I expect he will start to change his attitude when the youngest is a toddler but his bond with her will not be as with the first, her entire existence is something he capitulated upon for you and now he is showing his stubbornness is equal to yours you are complaining.

I don't know how you fix this if you can, separation will just cause more strife and breaking of bonds, ruin your eldest relationship and most likely cause your youngest to have no relationship with him at all.

Ultimately YABU, but you both are equally appalling.

Yet not a word about the woman who bribed him with not having to look after the child in order to have one. That's as abusive and coercive as anything he has done/not done. Having a child or not is the decision of the person who doesn't want one. If every there was a case of everyone being the arsehole, it's this.

She came up with a ridiculous scheme in order to have the baby her husband didn't want and expected him to not stick to it - Arsehole.
He agreed to the ridiculous scheme and expected her to stick to it - Arsehole.

Two little kids caught up in a house full of arseholery. Poor little buggers deserve better.

Factually correct, though.

And what, Thumper's father, is nice or useful about your comment?

There is another saying "be careful what you wish for, you might just get it" and OP should have thought of that long before going into an agreement that was always going to mentally abuse her child.

Do you really think the father of this child will still be there in a few years time? I don't, he is already out 4 nights a week.

On reflection I think it is. It's a compromise that's actually better than the alternatives.

If we ask DD2 in 20 years time whether she'd rather have not been born or a Dad who.didn't do his share of the washing when she was a baby I know what she'd choose. Some kids never even meet their Dads!

What a lovely individual you are. There’s a saying, if you have nothing nice/useful to say, say nothing at all

I think the OP and DH are getting way too much flack here.

They wanted different things and they came to a compromise. That's what reasonable people do. The alternatives also had drawbacks.

The baby years will be over soon, the hardest work will be a distant memory and the OP will have what she wanted and DH won't have needed to do too much graft. (I assume DH is contributing 50pc or so to household expenses.)

Unfortunately this is not how happy families operate.

She didn't "force" him to get her pregnant 🙄.

It may have been a pressure point in their relationship but he still had free agency and the ability to say no.

She ain’t wrong though. What a mess.

Completely agree. Even if he's different when baby turns into toddler and so forth, or even decides to change his tune now, I'd end up resenting him anyway for how he's behaved. You may have pressurised him into another baby, but he agreed, and now thinks it's acceptable to be a shitty dad and husband. Nothing excuses that behaviour.

And a woman who truly loves her husband does not force him into agreeing to get her pregnant even when he tells her he does not want it. She wasn't worried about her husband, or children she just wanted what she wanted and got it. And now she's on here bitching because it isn't all roses and now everyone is paying the price of her selfishness.

What a vile disgusting man he is. You need to think about being a single parent. This is abusive and you and your second born will be in danger.

Actually, I don't think I could wait to see if he becomes more involved. It shows what kind of person he is, not wanting to be involved with his own child and doing what he wants more than half the week.

I don't feel sorry for you because you badgered him till you got what you wanted. You promised to do all the hard work and so you should do it. He was probably in a corner of losing his family until he gave in. I do feel sorry for the baby that has to bear the brunt of this.

I experienced something every similar - except my (our) twins were planned in that they were a result of multiple rounds of IVF. My ex husband announced when they were babies that he didn't really want them - never expected IVF to actually work and didn't have a bond or connection or love them the same as our eldest. In the fog of my happiness of actually bringing two precious healthy babies home I didn't see until it was too late how little he actually did with them - like you OP he started going to the gym every day - I did every nappy, night feed, dinner, bath, night waking (all whilst working full time). When he admitted his feelings I packed his bags and filed for divorce. His resentment and anger towards them disrupting our previously happy family of 3 was becoming obvious. He openly said he wouldn't want them for overnight contact until they are much older. And with that he he left

My point is OP - your husband is a disgrace of a father and whilst he warned you what would happen and he is making good on his word he is being a poor excuse for a father and a human being and the only one who will suffer here is your youngest and ultimately it may cause a rift with the eldest who may play on her "favourite" status and cause negative personality traits to appear in her