Exhausted feeding my family

Husband cooks breakfast for himself and 10 year old and cleans up. He also makes his milkshake and all of his drinks. He can get his own lunch.

Your 10 year old needs to get his own water.

You can batch cook the Bolognese or Sheppard's pie for your son and use instant mash or you could do a hotpot type topping by just slicing potatoes (leave the skin on) and brush the top with butter before putting in the oven.

Your husband needs to cook a couple of times a week.

You need to stop trying to find ways to meet their unsustainable demands.

Absolutely not! One cooked meal a day and the odd weekend cooked brunch is normal.
your not their personal chef and housekeeper just stop it they don’t like it they will soon learn to do it myself.
for example my DH made his own smoothie before work,DD had toast made by herself before school.
I did make my DS a cooked breakfast full English but it was a treat as he’s been working so hard and for final exams this week and he was so grateful.
your enabling them and making your children spoilt brats

Are you and husband from and brought up in an Asian country? I ask as this may be more common there. (I'm from Asia myself)

A lot of men feel entitled to get whatever they want from their wives - that's why there there. (I'm being sarcastic) Sons too, they copy their dads.

I have a friend also from Asia whose husband doesn't eat meat, a son who doesn't eat fish and daughter everything in between so she's constantly having to cook to please everybody in the family. It's a situation that is difficult to get out of once you're in it.

I cook for the whole family and everyone eats what they're given. DD used to dislike vegetables but now has no problem because that's what's expected in our house.

Kids come home hungry so they get a snack of some sort and eat at 6-7 when we can all eat together.

You'll have to sit down with your husband and have a serious discussion to save your sanity. It's not that they're "making" you do these things, you are "letting them happen".

You've pandered to them far too much. DH would be cooking his own meals if he wants different. As for DS at 10 he should be capable of getting his own water and preparing his own snacks.

I'm guessing OP's DH is Asian due to the reference to cardamom tea and no, I don't think she would have signed up to the level of 'service' DH expects from her and now her son. She may have signed up to be SAHM or even SAHW but this level of waiting on hand foot is on a level I have never seen even in my mum and aunts and other female relatives who were born in SE Asia and were SAHMs.

Tricky one OP, especially if you have to set boundaries after a long time of not sending boundaries!

I would start with small changes and build up.

No more tea making for DH - he can do that himself
No more water refilling for DS - he can do that himself
When DS gets in from school, he can have a snack and have dinner at around 6pm. Can you do a non-spicy version of the main meal for him so that you're not cooking twice?

As for breakfast, you're off duty! If they want eggs, they can make eggs. Otherwise it's DIY toast/cereal/oats etc just like most other families do.

Dear God I'm exhausted just reading that.

It sounds like you've been brainwashed, seriously. Life is too short.

You created this monster, now it's time to kill it soundly.

I wouldn't have time to do anything else if I had to cook three meals a day for DH and I, let alone the DC when they lived at home. Your DS needs to start learning to cook and at his age I was definitely making my own sandwiches and drinks - and was making teas and coffees for my parents too. He should make the cardamon tea for your DH.

You asked for ideas about food:

I made quesadillas for breakfast, sandwich grated cheese, and sweetcorn and/or chopped peppers, cooked mushrooms, bacon, or cooked chicken between two tortillas and microwave until the cheese has melted (about 40 seconds)
I do a lot of home made vegetable soups, dahl, or black bean soup and freeze them. They make hot lunches for the Winter time. Your DH could mix cayenne or Sriracha into his to make them spicy.

Curry sauces freeze extremely well. I would make a bunch and freeze them in ice cube trays. You could then cook plain meat and vegetables for your DS, but then add the curry sauce cubes to yours and your DH's.

I am sorry to say I buy the Aldi Thai Green Curry and Red Curry kits and they are excellent and quick. Again you can cook the vegetables for your DS but add the sauce to yours and your DH's.

I make vegetable fajitas and they don't take long at all, again your DS can have the vegetables plain but you add the spices to yours and your DH's.

Do you want your little boy to turn out like his father? My DM served the men in her household. My DB is 34, never moved out, never done a chore in his life and couldn't make a single thing for himself. I think she has failed him.

I'm very strict with my DC that they don't end up the same. We have dinner at 5pm because we like it then, if DH can't make it down for then he reheats it or has it cold. We have one home cooked meal a day, DH makes his lunch even though we are both at home. We do the meal plan together but not everyone will like every meal every night, we are a family of four and sometimes we compromise. DH likes a particular spicy meal so maybe once a week he makes that while we all have fish which he dislikes and he does his dishes. DS1 is 6 and he isn't a fan of melted cheese which is a bit tricky at times, I try to leave cheese off his section or he can make his own ham sandwich if its fully covered.

DS6 has the responsibility of keeping his playroom tidy and hoovered and emptying the dishwasher every day. He can fetch all his own snacks and make toast for himself. DS3 helps me with the things I do but gets given individual tasks he can manage like putting his shoes away.

Stop enabling this.

Your son is going to grow up to believe this is how you should treat women. Do you want that?

They can make do with toast or cereal for breakfast and have a cooked breakfast at the weekend which your husband does.

Have your son make himself a sandwich when he gets home from school and then all eat dinner together.

When your son comes to you and says he can’t make the drink himself, you show him how to and then next time when he says the same you say “that’s a shame, because I did teach you how to make it that way”.

And don’t make it again.

Your family are acting like this and treating you like a maid because you’re allowing them to.

Your eldest has obviously grown up with you doing everything for them so it’ll be hard to correct now. Don’t make the same mistake with your youngest.

Because every disempowered woman who is being treated like shit by a man for "cultural" reasons has agreed to it?? Wise up.

I slice up lemon and freeze them between sheets of parchment paper and put them in a freezer bag ready to use. We also have ice on tap but seriously a 10 year old can get ice from the freezer. Maybe get him to think about how he can achieve this (and maybe show him the countless videos on YouTube of young children probably around the age of 8 cooking a full meal over an open fire)

He is 10, he can get himself drinks and food.

Ach that wasn't supposed to be struck through. The big kid could prep stuff for the omelette, is what I meant.

You sound great and your family's diet sound delicious, but it also sounds like a luxury that really wealthy people with live in cooks have, and those cooks are employed to only deliver food. As you have a job for 3 days a week, and presumably have to do the rest of the childcare and housekeeping, your family are completely unrealistic to suggest that this can be maintained.

Just the thought of being interrupted for a drink while I'm
getting on with washing / cleaning etc makes me irritated.

I think in your situation, I would ask them to deal with their
own drinks and snacks. Fruit can be bunged in a bowl and they can prepare it
themselves if they want it. And then in the evening, one meal that ideally can
be tailored to suit multiple tastes e.g. a curry than can be cooled down with
yoghurt, grilled meats and salad that can be made more exciting with sauces. Also
start to teach your 10 year old to cook. It’s a life skill and can help expand
children's pallets. Also maybe your husband would be willing to put up with a bland meal now and then in order to be supportive to your DS!

You could GET YOUR TEN YEAR OLD TO prep the fillings in advance (a Tupperware of chopped mushrooms / ham / grated cheese etc in fridge so mornings are a bit easier).

Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

I hope you'll stop being their maid, but in the meantime, lasagnes, parmigianas, pies, curries etc all freeze well.

I cook for my elderly mum too who can't eat spice. So I'll fry onions, garlic, ginger and tomatoes and mild spices. And then I'll transfer some to a separate smaller saucepan and cook the meat or veg in that for my mum, whilst the main pot gets more spices like chilli powder.

That way you are only cooking one dish, but in two pots.

Nope nope nope. With knobs on.
I will cook one meal a day, i work weekends so DH cooks then. If people don’t like it, they go without or make themselves a sandwich.
Breakfast is get your own.
I will make dd a sandwich or something on toast for lunch. And I will make DH a sandwich IF I am making one for me.

Don't be a slave. You owe your future daughter/son in law a capable, domestically skilled future partner. And your DH can cook his own food if it differs from what you’re making

Sorry i see you said your son is 10, please stop waiting on him or he’ll be a terrible housemate/partner. What happens for his drinks when he goes to friends houses?

I am presuming the op's husband (and op?) Come from a culture where it is the women's job to provide for the men?

I personally wouldn't do it, I think the idea is appalling but I presume the op has agreed to all this?

Sorry but your son giving his cup to you to refill with water is crazy, he’s going to grow up expecting his wife to do the same, you need to set the standard now. You are only being treated this way because you allow it, stop pandering to your son and husband.

Don't accept the "it's cultural" card. You can see the culture around you, and on this forum. You ARE part of this Western culture, and you are raising your boy to become a modern, more happy man.

It's not possible to revolution your house overnight and transform your husband into a new person at the click of a finger, but you can take small steps. Life is too short to be miserable, your husband owes you respect, and that means help when you need it.

How old is your son? Making his glass of water the way he likes is ludicrous.

If he’s old enough get him batch slicing lemons and freezing them (put slices between clingfilm to freeze then put them together in a bag once frozen.

Your husband needs to be making his own drinks everytime!

Both need to become more self sufficient, everyone making their own breakfast is normal, and your husband absolutely needs to be taking a turn cooking.

You must know this isn’t normal. The parents of your children’s friends won’t be doing this. I can’t remember the last time I got my 6yo a drink of water, let alone my 10yo!

Just make a meal, sometimes spicy, sometimes not, at 7. If they don’t want it, fine. If your son is hungry before tell him to have an apple. If he’s thirsty tell
him to get a drink.Tell your husband to make his own tea.

You don’t like being treated like this. But if you continue to allow it, your son will treat his wife the same way one day.

Madness.

A 10 year old can easily make an omelette or other simple breakfast and lunches like sandwiches. He's being like this because he sees his dad doing the same. It's fine for you and your h to eat later (I assume that you eat the same thing) but if you don't change things now you risk your youngest doing the same and cooking 3 different cooked meals every day.

Maybe the 10 year old sits at the table with some chopped fruit when you and your h eat? He can chop his own fruit very easily.