Exhausted feeding my family

This is about so much more than cooking…

can't you just add spices to spag bol and shepherd's pie ?
iv always add spices to British food as it is bland.

Making the water for your son is just embarrassing for all of you

I'd do it maybe once if I was in the kitchen making dinner otherwise that's a hard no

Agreed, curry gives lots of options. My mum would cook a big pot of food (curry/Dhal/veggies/roast chicken etc) and everybody had to eat it, no ifs or buts. If we wanted something different like pasta or pizza, we would make it ourselves as there would be frozen pizza in the freezer and pasta in the cupboard.

I think it's time to start teaching DS the basics of cooking, so it's not a shock to him as he starts to cook for himself.

Seriously?! You are not their scullery maid.

Your husband can make his own bloody cups of tea.

Are you not concerned about the fact you're raising your son to be sexist at best and more likely to be misogynist who feels entitled to expect women to service him?

Is your husband Indian? Mine is, and this sounds pretty normal for an Indian family. (Although my husband doesn’t expect this and we share all cooking, it’s totally normal for the other women in his family to spend the whole day cooking hot meals and making drinks and snacks so the men don’t have to lift a finger! If my husband was like this, I’d never have married him!

Do they have arms and hands?

Honestly it’s not normal, and it’s a terrible way for your children to grow up, expecting someone to do everything for them and not having their own resources to make simply dishes and look after themselves.

At 10 years, I would expect them to be able to easily make own omlette for breakfast, own hot chocolate in microwave, get own snacks and water, and make a sandwich or warm soup for lunch.

This has to be a joke. No one in their right mind is doing all that.

This is absolute madness OP. Just ran your situation past a couple of family members who also prefer their own countries spicy food and they are both stunned at how stubborn your DH and ds are. (Either that or I have just given them ideas) Just tell them they are a family and have to compromise!

If this was a hotel and they were asking for this level of service it would cost them a fortune and even then I think the staff would think they are taking the p*SS.

Would eldest not handle a snack when he gets in and then waiting until 7pm for dinner? Or compromise and have it at 6.

The ice and lemon in the water that can be sacked of immediately. It's not like your running a flash restaurant.

And the hot breakfast every day.

Your also not a 100% stay at home mum - your working over half the hours your DH does so he can cook at least a couple of times a week.

The solution isn't to find ways to simplify all this cooking.
The solution is to stop being treated like a servant.
How will your children survive away from home/maintain a relationship with a woman who won't be treated like a maid?

OP - I'm assuming your DH is Indian. I married an Indian man too (I'm white British) so I completely understand the cultural differences and strict gender roles. My DH is not only the only male in his family but has 5 older sisters! You can imagine that he'd never been allowed to lift a finger in the house and was always very well looked after by his mum and sisters. He too was provided with 3 cooked meals a day. Chai on demand and everything taken care of domestically.
However, when my DH moved to the UK and married me he, of course, realised that he couldn't expect the same treatment from me. Yes I suppose I have adopted the typical "wife role". I do the cooking and work part time while he has a full time job. BUT he realises I simply cannot cook him 3 meals a day as well as working, cleaning, shopping, laundry, life admin, child care etc etc. It's simply too much! So we have a cleaner, he sorts out his own breakfast, lunch, drinks and snacks (and makes them for us too), he takes the children out a lot. I really think you're doing everything simply because you're a woman and your husband's expectations of you are completely unrealistic. I expect you're doing most of the housework and childcare too. If you were in India you'd have a maid to ease your burden. Your DH needs to realise that he should step up.

Bloody hell! Here’s what I would do:

Keep a bag of sliced lemon and a bag of ice in an easy to grab place in the freezer and show your son where to find it.

Your son gets a snack when he gets home from school then you all eat together at 5.30/6ish.

Your husband doesn’t like what you’ve made because it’s too bland? Fine. He can cook for himself. He can also make all his own drinks.

You’ve served up some cottage pie and your son won’t eat the mash? Fine. There is plenty of mince and veg if he’s not hungry enough to need the mash.

They can have scrambled eggs on toast as an easier alternative to omlette. No? Well they know where the cereal and toast are. They won’t starve.

Not sure. Seasoned and flavoured food doesn't mean spicy. If you are too used of a heavily spicy diet, everything else will taste pretty bland after awhile.

Doesn't stop the husband to add spices to his plate.

I'd stop this now before your children think it's the norm, they'll struggle to find a servant as a partner generally (I don't mean it rudely but that would be the expectation from them if they keep seeing it at home)

Sounds like you're raising a misogynist. Any future potential wife would send him back.

@winterrrain When my DC went to university there were several boys there who had been raised in a similar way to your DS. They didn’t know how to cook, clean or do their own laundry for themselves. One of them left a pizza in the food cupboard because they didn’t know it needed to be kept in the fridge. Another had never used a washing machine or hoover.

Honestly, I would be embarrassed to have a 10 year old who couldn’t get their own drink for themselves (unless there’s a disability involved). Don’t let your 10 year old be a hopeless adult who needs Mummy to do everything for him. Tell your husband that your DS needs a good male role model so he needs to start doing more for himself.

Tell him to cook it then. He sounds like an absolute child.

I cant quite believe what I've just read tbh..

How is that fair? Doesn't seem like there's any respect at all. My partner would never expect that from me and would never let me son treat me like that either.

I feel like half the problem is you've let them live like this for so long this that they think this is 'normal' you must be absolutely exhausted.

I feel for you, I hope you can find the strength to make some changes.