Exhausted feeding my family

This popped up for me. I have to know, @winterrrain , did you take anyone’s advice onboard? Or are you still doing a ludicrous amount of cooking?

@dazdaz2

that makes sense. If your work is also your hobby. I have hobbies outside of work and I like to go to the gym and fitness classes regularly which I wouldn’t have time to do if everything I ate had to be homemade right down to tomato sauce!

@LuckySantangelo35 you asked if I had time for anything else apart from work and cook, as I said I cook 3 meals a day most days and don't batch cook. Not sure what the answer to that is. I'm a hospital doctor attached to a university, so work is a big part of my life. I attend several conferences a year, often overseas, research and teach. So work is vocation, hobby, passion all roled into one. And yes, I toss-up cooked meals- the omelette, the fresh salads, the cous cous, the sourdough bread, the stew in the slow cooker.

If DS wants lemon in his water, why can't he cut some lemon? If you and your husband are both in the house why aren't you taking turns to make the drinks?

Can you get your sons to start helping with the cooking? My children are 3 & 6 and they both help with tasks such as chopping vegetables, grating cheese, stirring pots, weighing and pouring ingredients etc. My 6yo makes himself toast in the morning and my 3yo sets the table.

You have 3 other people in the house and I genuinely don't understand why they aren't doing things.

Do your children a favour and teach them some life skills. Your children will struggle when they leave home if you continue with the current setup.

Do yourself a favour and declare one say a week "sort-yourself-out day" and refuse to make anyone else's meals that day. They will hopefully become more capable of helping and more appreciative of what you are currently doing.

You've made a rod for your own back. I'm asian and my dh wouldn't dream of behaving like this and even if he did he wouldn't get away with it. I have a voice though and would tell him to make his own. Your son is learning bad habits off his dad and you need to work on that.You are perpetuating a stereotype of asian men and being a downtrodden wife. Not all Asian men are like this and even if your dh is it doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

Food wise cook one curry, take the kids portion out. Otherwise you lower the spice level for everyone and if your dh has an issue he makes it himself or has some green chillies on the side. If you want to eat together then give your son a more substantial snack when he gets in to tide him over till dinnertime.

Can't 10yo have a snack to last him till 7??

This is all sounds potty to me... Husband is surely capable of getting his own milkshake / special cardamom tea...??? Eldest child capable of getting his own drinks and snacks? Husband could even make the omelettes for breakfast if they insist on not eating cereal etc?!

Also the biggest one for me is not cooking different stuff for every person... No way that's happening here. I make one dinner every night and everyone eats that or goes hungry / survives with a banana and a slice of bread.

@winterrrain

well in that case you just crack on then Op! Get cooking!

Teach your DS to cook with you- make it fun. And I really don’t agree you need to do all cooking/house work because you chose to work. Your DH has to step up, otherwise you will make a future daughter in law’s life miserable with your demanding son.

It’s normal for children to be hungry after school, that’s why most families do snacks then, and years ago many families would have “tea” then - sandwiches, crumpets, egg and toast, a cup of tea and/or slice of cake. When DS gets in from school offer him tea and toast or crumpets etc to keep him going, then say to DH you’d like to start eating dinner as a family, can he break off from work at 6.30pm?

But I’d also tell DH he needs to cook at least twice a week. And no more multiple meals. If DS doesn’t like curry fry his meat separately in a pan, but keep the rest the same.

WTAF have I just read. You WORK and have a two year old. You are not running a restaurant.

Just say no. If you want to, I’d say you’ll cook one hot meal a night - if you wish to do so - and that’s it. You will make your older child a spoilt brat and a nightmare for a future partner. Your DH needs to cook half the meals - so if he wants a hot lunch he can cook it, or share cooking dinners.

Your DS needs to eat sandwiches or something simple for lunch or go without. At his age he should be able to make breakfast and lunch.

I’m absolutely staggered that you’ve enabled this behaviour and indulged your man-child DH for so long.

My DS also prefers a hot meal - so we have one every evening, but in summer it’s a barbecue or something simple like poached fish, potatoes and veg. Lunches are sandwiches, fruit and yoghurt, or a quick bowl of pasta - but not two full on from scratch hot meals. Madness.

I cannot believe there are women here living these lives 🤯

Cooking should be shared equally between you. And they have to be accepting of other foods. It won’t kill them.
and every week without fail you have to have a day off from the kitchen.

I have only read your first post and cannot believe what a slave you are to them 😐

You are to be pitied that this is your life and that you have allowed it to happen.

You are no more than a skivvy to them all.

I'd be gone, without the children.

He could have them, and cook for them🙄.

OP said she did this herself, she’s just as at fault for raising a boy to believe women are second class skivvys as her husband is.

Well maybe stop raising your son to believe women exist to skivvy for him like second class citizens, as your misogynist husband seems to believe.
Beyond ridiculous.

gosh, sounds like my household. I'm pretty 'fussy' too with what I eat so that compounds the issue. The fruit salad, the veg salad, all need to be there along with 3 cooked meals. And I just can't have batch-cooked food. My family helps somewhat, but DD has decided to go Vegan, DS has wheat and nut allergies. DH basically has what ever given. And I'm a stickler for nothing processed, all made from scratch so much so that we don't even use tomato sauce. And I work full time. So its all quite busy and I'm exhausted. didn't realise others don't do the same.

So why do you say you 'don't even use' jarred tomato sauce if you think everyone is making their own? You also have no friends/colleagues to compare notes with? Or does everyone you work with bring in a grain mill and butter churner to make their lunch 😂

Are their legs painted on?

I agree with this.
It's quite insulting to insinuate that this is what's expected from Pakistani households. Maybe it was more common in the past, but it's not like this anymore and especially not where both partners are working.

My 9 year old makes her own breakfast for her and her younger sibling if I'm running late. She can cook scrambled egg on toast etc she helps to cook evening meals too. This would be the same if she was a boy, a son, because it's life skills I'm teaching.

When my kids tell me they're thirsty, they get told to go and make a drink. I'm their mother, not their skivvy.

Is this serious?

DH can cook his own food unless he can eat what you and DC are eating. Or maybe he can cook for you?

You sound like a serving wench.

This is outrageous!! Tell them to make their own bloody food!!! I'm angry for you!!

@R2G

why would a smelly egg pan be left out? Why can’t they clean it up themselves?

I've always felt if I choose to work that can't impact my ability to do housework.

That's your mistake. You and your h have equal say in your marriage and what happens. If you choose to work, he has to step up.

Didn't you talk about your roles and expectations before having kids?

@winterrrain

i think you should just carry on as you are OP!

Enjoy!

What cooking does your h do? What housework?

Please don't tell me you do it all.

I'd say you were cooking one meal every day. The rest is cold/people help themselves. Good life skills.

It's not that I don't think a 10 year old can cook it's that a smelly egg pan would be left all day and they would all give up.

You know that despite having a penis, boys and men are capable of washing up the pots and pans they cook with? Amazing isn't it. No need for 'smelly egg pans' if they simply finish the job.

A smelly egg pan?!

There are people who care about smelly egg pans??