To be despairing over 10 year old's screen addiction!!

Harsh but all true.

This is in your control OP. It's worth the cold turkey phase.

I find time limits work. So weekend/holidays they can have them from when they get up to 930/10am, one hour after lunch and then from 5.20pm - 6.15pm ish and then 6.55pm - 8.45pm.

I assume 6:15 - 6:55 is your 40 mins to engage with child 🤣

I am so thankful screens were not around when ds was that age and we actually talked and did things together throughout the whole day - even in the mornings before 10am, or he would be out playing and engaging with friends! No wonder kids are barely able to communicate and are anxious nowadays if the norm is to be on screens 6 hours a day.

Hit the nail on the head. Parent your child and take the tablet away. It’s literally as simple as that. He’s 10.

Ours did summer holiday camps to get them outside and away from screens

Omg we use the EXACT same rules/style . I can't believe it lol. Exact same.one moan /whinge and it's gone for a few days. Dc know well enough now to never moan.

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama

Why not? That clearly isn’t working for you. Have a week of tantrum and then it isn’t an issue. Why are you so desperate for him to still get a little bit of his addiction? It’s going to be a massive drama because you’ve let it be a massive drama.

We didn’t restrict phone use enough and it resulted in big strops when we tried to. Now that isn’t and issue because there’s phone time and then there isn’t. You’ve made a rod for your own back and you need to snap it not bend it slowly.

@sparepantsandtoothbrush try being one

Absolutely no need for that last sentence. Kicking op when she's down already

Exactly the same here. Miraculously managed to get her off Roblox but she's just replaced it with YouTube. Although her behaviour has improved since coming off Roblox

This. Take the screens away. You have to step up and stick to it. There will be a lot of resistance, for several weeks, but you have to stand firm.

My kids get 30 mins each on a Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. It is not carried over. We don't have tv on during the week. We often watch a film on Saturday night.

You are the adult. Take charge of the situation. Plan days out. Walks. Trips to the library. Go fishing. ANYTHING. Let him be bored. He will complain, but he can find something to do. If not, you find him something to do.

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama.
You clearly do not understand addiction.Reducing his hit won't mJe him less addicted, it will just increase the time he spends whining

I empathise with you. My son knows there are certain things he has to do, no questions asked, i.e homework, bath, dinner with us etc. He still moans and whinges, but, tough tits really 😂

I don't want to be arguing or nagging you for mundane things that everyone has to do. He's ten aswell. The first time he refused to wake up for school because he was tired from being on his Xbox, the Xbox went. And it was harder for us than him (he has asd and loves watching drawing videos on YouTube, and doesn't sleep well anyway).

That's the only time we've had to come down hard, it was awful at the time, but he's never done it again. He doesn't have a phone yet, I'll get him one for high school, and he doesn't have a tablet either. We always said no consoles aswell, because my sil told us her 15 yo at the time was never off it and she never saw him.

My sons best friend got a new Xbox for his birthday and my son has played at his house on it before. He's so sweet, he knew my son didn't have one, so him and his mum walked over and have him the old console with a tv! I couldn't bloody say that I never wanted him to have one as it's so kind and my son was there!

good luck x

@@NeverendingCircus i get that but the pandemic was 2 years ago. Lots of people worked with dc at home it was hard work but even then I struggle to see how it’s become so bad. I worked both at home and out in the community during the pandemic and I spent time in lots of families homes. I didn’t witness dc on screens all day everyday even then. Maybe I’m just not seeing it but I meet lots of families day in day out and I work with dc, I don’t think its that’s normal for this age group. I see lots of screen use but not to the extent it’s portrayed on here.

Just to make it clear, I don't want any drastic solutions like zero screen time. I just want to gradually cut it back and wean him off it without it being a massive drama.

Dream on.

We don't have time limits but we do have some rules:-

1. No devices after bedtime - read in bed, draw, write, whatever. But devices stay downstairs
2. No whingeing or you lose it. When I say "off now it's mealtime / off now let's play a board game / off now we are headed out" it goes off an away immediately or you lose it for 3 days
3. No devices at mealtimes, apart from if we as a family watch something with (say) a pizza or whatever
4. No devices on school mornings until you are washed, teeth, hair, uniform and shoes done.

If they whine, it's gone. So they don't whine. Thankfully.

It’s hard to imagine how people got to this point in the first place, why were everyone allowed free reign of screens to the point they become aggressive or argumentative when told no.
@Sheselectric77 I think it got a lot worse during the pandemic. Schooling was online and parents had to work from home - the easiest way to ensure DC don't play up or interrupt work meetings is to let them onto screens.

My 10 yo doesn’t have a phone but she has a tablet. We use the screen time settings. No screen except between 5.30 to 7.30pm. It shuts off automatically at 7.30. Weekdays, nothing is allowed until homework and clubs are finished (which means it’s often nothing or maybe 10min only). We’ve also set a time limits on certain apps - only 20 min a day of X or Y game allowed.

Talk to him about screen addiction. Explain how it causes anger and anxiety and delayed social skills. If he displays irritation etc explain this is a symptom of screen addiction and just proves how much he needs to ease off it.

It's great that he does things outside school. Can you build on those. If he does football, can you get some goal posts for the garden or take inflatable ones to the park and invite couple of his friends over to do scroing nd saving practise. Or if he does scouts, can you ask him to help you with garden bonfires or with sawing logs etc.

Can you create a couple of projects to get him involved in, eg updating his bedroom or building a shed - something where he'd get real satisfaction from having created something.

How about setting up a weekly family games night and playing board games. Or asking him to help cook a couple of times a week. Get him to choose the recipe and prepare it with you or dP as his 'assistant'.

Would he be up for a fitness challenge? When I was training for a 10k years ago, DS used to cycle beside me. And we used to go out and climb local hills after dinner to train to climb Ben Nevis.

Bit by bit, doing things with him, you'll get him engaged in the world beyond the screen.

Op just say no. He needs to ask when he is allowed to go on it and you state clearly that he has x amount of time. Take it away when time is up and ignore him kicking off. He will eventually get used to it.

My eldest is the same age. She has to ask if she can use our laptop. She then knows she gets a short amount of time then will either come off after a quick game or will come off when asked without issue. It’s never been a big thing and both dc mainly do other things and screens are an occasion thing. They have never been a daily activity and dc don’t really seem to think about it a lot. I’m not a perfect parent by any stretch but I’m shocked at how many people are struggling with this issue. It’s hard to imagine how people got to this point in the first place, why were everyone allowed free reign of screens to the point they become aggressive or argumentative when told no.

Only a handful of eldests class mates have phones and I certainly don’t know anyone younger with one. Why are we as a society allowing this to happen to our dc. 10 years olds addicted to screens ! It’s so sad.

Really?!

DS1 was one of the last in his class to get one. He is 10 and in Y5.

DS2 is 8YO and in year 3. Some of his class mates already have phones.

FFS use parental controls and discuss it with them. Then reduce the time week by week.

And with regards to clubs outside of school could you try and give him some options and say pick one and tell him he's going to try it out for 6 months. Some kids need a lot of cajoling but will ultimately enjoy it so i dont think its a bad thing to take charge with this as well.

I don't have a ten year old but I do have toddlers and I think the parenting mantra needs to be the same here: it's ok for them to be angry or pissed off about a boundary you put in place but it doesn't mean you change the boundary. In fact it's important to have boundaries whether or not they like it.

So it goes like this: "I'm noticing you're not having healthy boundaries with your phone right now so I'm taking it away whilst we work out what to do. I'm sure this feels hard for you and I understand that but I'm not going to change my mind." And follow through.

My ten year old would be on his iPad and phone all day if he could. I think many would be. His iPad and phone (it’s my old phone for when he is out with mates and only has a few apps) are linked to my phone and I have set up daily limits for both and also downtime so he can’t access anything after 8pm. I find it has helped a lot

My 9 yr old son was obsessed with YouTube and roblox as well and i was sick of his attitude when it was time to switch off, and after playing he was so aggressive and argumentative.

I cut right back and really laid the law down by physically removing the tablet and sticking to my guns.

He adjusted extremely quickly and didn't nag for it or anything. I now allow it for an hourish a day but he knows I'm in charge.

The other posters are right that you need to step up as a parent and deal with this. There is a simple solution. Good luck!

I think you need to be brave and take it away and deal with the fall out.

I found that my kids would do homework then go on the iPad then argue about sitting to eat dinner because of the iPad. Everything was ‘in a minute’.

We went cold turkey Monday to Friday, it was hell but they got over it and went to find other things to do, played with long forgotten toys. Although I will say you’ll need plenty of activities to guide them towards.

At the weekend they get a set amount of time then it goes away. We have the limit set which you can find in settings on the iPad.

I do allow them the iPad to watch drawing tutorials during the week that both my kids have got into but it has to be done in the kitchen at the table with volume so I can hear… they both give the iPad back when done.