To be despairing over 10 year old's screen addiction!!

You're teaching him that he can control you by making a bit of "drama". Change the dynamic before he's a teen. Seriously. You are setting yourself up for bigger problems than this.

Decide how many hours / minutes / whatever per day he can have the device, and when time's up, take it away. And STICK TO IT. If he behaves he gets it back at the time you've decided, if he makes any fuss he loses it until the same time the next day. You won't get "drama" for more than a week as long as you are absolutely, 100% consistent and never, ever let on that any fussing is getting to you.

Why has he got a phone?

I have a younger child than your's, but she would watch TV all day every day if she had her own way. There are afternoons where she whines and whines about wanting to watch TV and in those situations I try and stop what I'm doing and give her say 15 minutes of totally undivided attention and get down some toys or activities that we've not played with for a while, or draw some things for her to colour in, or I just get a book out and start reading aloud even if she's not really listening at first and, whilst there is usually initial resistance to this, she then does get engaged with the activity and is happy to amuse herself then. Or we have a snack and go for a walk or into the garden. Have to get through that angry boredom barrier and just sit with the discomfort for a while, and help them find something else to do, until she finds something that catches her interest.

Its hard work and sometimes I just think "switching the TV on would be so much easier than this right now" but I do think that putting the hard work in and being firm that we're doing something else at the moment pays rewards in the long run. Often her most loved inventive games have been born out of having to find something else to do other than watching the TV.

They can't develop interest in aything else if they have a screen addiction. The screen is too rewarding, the gratification too instant. It takes a long time to learn how to develop other interests. If you want them to have an interest in aything else, you ahve to take away the screens.

There is no gentle reduction with this. You need to get rid of it. Once he's got used to being without it, you can gradually reintroduce it with very tight restrictions. I'd use parental controls to set timers and block addictive sites/apps like youtube.

Take it off him and say he can have it back when his attitude improves. My kids (4&7) watch too much tv but it goes off for a week if their behaviour is poor.

I also have a daily list for each of them that they have to complete before they can watch tv (make bed, wash their breakfast bowl, practise spellings, read, tidy bedroom etc. I involved the kids when making the list so it has 5 things I want done (mostly household or school stuff) and 5 things of their choosing (mostly toy or hobby-related).

I’m going through the same! But no outside activities. He has no interest in anything else.

I am in same situation w my 9 year old and Im reluctant to put him in any clubs ect due to his behaviour getting worse after this addiction, it's no one else's job but mine so I feel terrible taking him somewhere if he's not going to Behave

Can you control it from your phone? Dd10 has an iPad and I can set parental controls from my iPhone and limit screen time, block apps, set limits for certain apps etc. it also allows me to set downtime so she can’t use it without me knowing overnight.

I would look into this first and see if there’s an app/control you can use. Then when he’s calm, away from the device I’d talk to him about how much screen time he thinks is reasonable per day and explain you will be setting limits. Like you say, far easier now than in another few years.

We have 90 minutes per day including a 10 minute limit on YouTube. Safari is turned off. We’ve had a few different limits, have settled on this and it’s a good balance for us. He’ll get used to the change in time and you’ll be pleased you did it.

Just cutting down simply won’t work. I’d also go completely cold turkey, and make sure the free time is filled up with stuff to keep you all distracted and busy. You can’t offer him activities 24/7 but I’m sure you can think of options, whether he chooses to take part or not, and get out the house on weekends. Eventually, and probably quite quickly, he’ll figure out how to fill his time. You can reintroduce set limits later, but I’d certainly be giving it a few weeks if not months, and keep strict about the time you allow.

Sorry didn’t mean funny ! Meant true - face the demon down go cold turkey

This so funny important

Ps you really can’t just take a screen away and suggest board games and expect it not to be a bloodbath but my DC do actually play and enjoy board games, chess, reading, listening to music, writing stories, painting etc now that we are in a clear routine with screens having minimal use

Get rid if it. It doesn't matter whether it has no sim card and is more like a tablet, he doesn't need it he is 10. He has demonstrated that he is not mature enough.

Get rid, I'd consider getting an extremely basic non smart phone when he starts secondary. If you must give him something more you need stringent rules/limits on it.

Screens are incredibly addictive. It’s not your fault it has ended up like this as they don’t come with health warnings but you do need to put limits at this stage. My DC are similar age and we do no screens in the week, some at the weekend but both Saturday and Sunday they have at least 6 hours of music, dance lessons sports training etc so fair enough for them to chill out after those. Phones will be for secondary and will have camera and photo messaging disabled, no apps no browser, App Store locked down. I’ve already set this up for DC1 and it’s useful for things like calling me for a lift but rarely used otherwise. They find other things to do. It needs to be very clear and consistent rules though otherwise you will get ongoing whinging.

Summer is the perfect time to have a screen detox for the whole family.

Have some fun family projects planned the first few days will be tricky for everyone but after that you'll find other things to do. If you have the space in your garden dig a pond, this will take a while, then fill it, this is great on a hot day as someone needs to get in and make sure the liners flat, plant up around the edges and pretty much as soon as the water is in wildlife will start arrive.
DS could be taught to safely use tools and make bird boxes etc.

We have no screens from Monday - Friday. Seems to work well. Ours also was getting addicted but doesn't have a phone

He is so rude and badly behaved

just remove the phone/tablet.

When he starts behaving appropriately, allow 1 or 2 hours at the weekend and be strict about it. He's 10. You really are the one in charge. Summer holiday is coming soon, you will have a nightmare if you don't do something now when he's still busy with school etc.

Tell him if he wants to get anywhere in life he needs to live it off screen.

We have had similar issues with DD (11) so we have a few rules in place.

She can't go on it in the morning unless she's dressed, bag packed and ready to leave for school.

It is not allowed at meal times. That's family time, time to talk.

Day trips with the family, it's allowed in the car and for photos but that's it.

She has 3 nights a week and at least one day at the weekend doing an activity outside the house, so that gives us a natural break from the phone.

Once homework kicks in, she will have to complete homework before the phone can be used for anything more than messaging me, or checking the school app.

Phone stays downstairs at bedtime.

What are you hoping to achieve, OP?

if you want him doing other things than YouTube/video games, then you need to start organizing other things for him to do. Spend time playing board games with him, take him out to watch football, get him helping you fixing the car, or something.

if you’re happy with the activities he does but just want him to stop bloody moaning when you ask him to put it down, then the ideas around removing it if he moans will be more effective.

We banned all screens apart from the tv (no YouTube allowed in it) in the week.
They know now not to even ask. They are allowed on at the weekend but that's it and then for a set amount of time.

Cold turkey. He's only 10, it will only get considerably worse in adolescence, when you will have less control. Screens are highly addictive and as a parent you have responsibility to remove them before this gets a lot worse. It will be hell but in the long run you are doing yourself, your family and your son a massive favour. Short term pain for long term gain.

6 hours a day is far too much for a 10 year old to be staring at a screen.

I'd put as much effort as I could into finding something else that grabs his attention - something he can really get stuck into. A Lego project or something where he is using his hands. Clay modelling, painting models, craft packs etc. Some kind of new book series and a "den" with fairy lights he can read them in, or whatever you think he might like. Even a pet he can take responsibility for helping to care for. Learning to cook etc.

It takes effort by everyone in the family to choose to do meaningful activity rather than defaulting to screens. Screens are the passive, line of least resistance, easy activity. Real life takes conscious effort from you all.