To think perimenopause can make you feel all over the place mentally

Sorry to hear about your stress, that sounds horrible.

I find I am like an old car in that I need a lot of maintenance these days. A kind of regular round of checking iron, Vitamin B (good for stress), magnesium (epsom salts), more exercise, daylight within 2 hours of waking, evening primrose oil, mindfulness, early nights, days off, saying no, lowering my expectations, holding on tight, breathing into the belly, lessening caffeine, cutting sugar, cutting carbs, fasting after 7pm, cutting alcohol, etc.

It's kind of tedious but it keeps me on a more even keel.

I also enjoyed 'The Joy Diet' (nothing to do with food) by Martha Beck.

Anxious about HRT or driving?

The HRT because I imagine I will pile on weight, start having migraines again (I suffered throughout my 20s and they only after having DCs) and just generally find it messes me up. I'm a catastrophiser which peri is making worse!

Same goes for driving. I was a late learner and find my confidence is suddenly nose-diving. I feel I screw something up every time I drive and then over analyse it until I go bonkers. The irony is that driving more would improve this but I'm stupidly anxious and avoid it.

What kind of vibe?

Me too OP. I'm 47, and have been on HRT for about 6 months. It has done nothing to alleviate feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed. Work especially is really difficult. I have quite a stressful job, and even though i only work part time, it takes a tremendous amount of effort to drag myself there and do the best I can. I hate it. I spend most of my time off stressing about work, so I end up feeling like there is no joy in my life whatsoever. And I don't know how to change it. All I want is to be at home, pottering in my garden and making my house beautiful. But that isn't an option at the moment.

Actually best mate did just hug me but there's something of a vibe there...so that feels like an extra complication.

Pleasant distraction but probably unhealthy.

Thanks, but no I can't. I'm a bit short on friends and have autistic DD who needs me home in the evenings. Just need one part of life to have some joy in it, but every element of it is so fucking hard.

That sounds really hard and difficult. Can you take yourself to a park or a friends house for a hug? You sound like you need one.
It is such a demanding stage of life, I hope you can find something today that helps you to feel much better and stronger. 💐💐
We are all here

I am a mess today.

Work is awful.
Kids are in a mess.
Marriage is not in a good place.

I feel like there's something I can't see, like it's just out of reach. Of course it just be me. But I can't grasp what I'm doing wrong.

So I'm sitting hiding in the toilet having had a bit of a stand off with my work best mate. And I can't even feel better when I go home because, well, see bullet points two and three.

I think you must be/feel judged in your life as you seem very defensive about your life.

However it’s weird you are directing it at me, I don’t even know you or your circumstances or your life! I really don’t care what decisions you make, I assume they are in your best interests, but not everyone feels the same though. I am just speaking from MY own personal experience, allowing more time to relax, see friends, yoga meet ups, downtime helped me. Working less definitely helped.

If you have to try so hard to make something ‘positive’ then that’s about convincing yourself and nothing more - not others judging your decisions. I assume most people couldn’t care any less either way.

@GCalltheway

You seem to be taking my point of view and experience very very personally, and it literally has nothing to do with you or your choices. It is my experience. Which tells me you are uncomfortable with at least some aspects of your own life. As you keep jumping on every post I make.

I do take it personally when people judge me for working to support my child, and seeking to make my working life run as smoothly as it can, yes. I have no alternative in the matter so I resent people judging me for trying to make this situation as positive as it can be.

It's invariably people who don't have full financial responsibility on their shoulders who seek to lecture other people about the amount of work they do and make sweeping statements about what this says about their self esteem etc.

I also dislike it when people who I don't know read things into my comments about my thoughts and motives. The fact that I disagree with you tells you nothing about my degree of comfort with my own life other than the fact that I disagree with you so I would appreciate if you don't jump to conclusions. You have also been pretty disparaging about people taking HRT, so I could draw the same conclusions about you if I wanted to.

Yes definitely. HRT saved me. Don't be fobbed off with antidepressants. I started HRT at 46 although looking back think I was perimenopausal from about 38. I've adjusted areas of my life for the better since starting HRT but it was the HRt that enabled me to do that.
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You seem to be taking my point of view and experience very very personally, and it literally has nothing to do with you or your choices. It is my experience. Which tells me you are uncomfortable with at least some aspects of your own life. As you keep jumping on every post I make.

I work and am sexually active, but on my terms. I travel extensively and have lots of friends, and sometimes I drop out of life and rest and relax - I build in time and ring fence to do this, it feels very healthy to me.

Everyone has choices - in some cases the choice might involve sacrifices or are limited but they do exist for all of us. I fear HRT is being over prescribed, and indeed we can not ignore the increase risks of cancer. Working more and more and pushing ourselves beyond capacity will shorten our lives, lead to illness, mental health issues, burn out and breakdowns.

Our ancestors were not even alive at this point, our relatives will have had more gentle, simple lives by far.

I am not signing up to be run into the ground, pumped full of hormones and caffeine to keep going on the hamster wheel, and I do look for more natural ways to respond to my biological changes and transitions. It is a perfectly valid and reasonable option to take.

I'm 41 so not in the thick of it yet but I've noticed my pms makes me bonkers sometimes now. I'll just find myself crying and distraught about things I normally handle fine. My daughter has a degenerative condition and mostly day to day I just sort of crack on and put it to the back of my mind. When I'm hormonal though my goodness! I'm just in floods of tears for hours about it and how unfair it is for her (and me tbh).

Reading these posts it's making me so glad I left my disorganised selfish husband 4 years ago. He'd probably be under the patio by the time I was mid fifties if we'd stayed together 😂.

@GCalltheway

I don't disagree that women of this age are typically run ragged trying to keep everyone happy and learning to put some boundaries up to safeguard their own health and wellbeing is very important. It is important not to get drawn into being the default coper for everyone at your own expense. And obviously HRT isn't for everyone and fair enough. But anecdotally it does seem to help a lot of us.

I just dislike this characterisation of women who either like their jobs or want to remain sexually active as having in some way been duped by the system. Firstly many of us don't have the option of "pulling back" financially so wanting to make our work life pleasant means we need to continue to be good at it and enjoy it. It's also down to personality. I like being busy and useful. Many don't and would rather have a more chilled existence. But the fact that you reject my lifestyle doesn't mean I have been brainwashed.

The sex thing is a very different point from work. But again it's personal. I would argue that very few women these days want to maintain their libido just to keep men happy. They do it for themselves and again if HRT helps with that then and is safe, I can't see what the problem is.

I was referring to posts further up the thread about libido. For some women HRT is a life saver but for others it certainly isn’t or they don’t want chemicals in their bodies.

My point is we shouldn’t be expected to ‘perform’ and at the top of our game at work doing very long hours, sexually, physically and have the same energy as a twenty year old. It’s just unrealistic. And way too much pressure.

Lifestyle changes do work, less pressure does work and reasonable adjustments really help during the menopause. Of course it’s a choice, some of us will carry on and some of us will refuse and choose a different life even if we have less money as a result.

Most of us if have elderly parents, teenage children and a life that is absolutely full on - wanting to pull back a little, take care of ourselves, pay attention to our needs and set boundaries and limits is no bad thing. I am very frank with those around me, I am not a spring chicken anymore and I intend to acknowledge that - not fight against it.

@WorkHardPlayHard1

Some of us can't take hormones and it can make us feel even more hopeless when we read the answer to it all is hormones ...

@DustyLee123 that's exactly what i am going to do when i go back to work ( currently off sick ).

Dropping a day helped my sleep. I also deliberately took a step back at work and now do my job only, I don’t push forward and do more.

God yes, the anxiety and insomnia I experienced in peri was decimating. Before that struck I'd had a fulfilling job and bags of energy. Was looking after the girls on my own and whilst it wasn't easy, I look back on my capabilities and energy pre peri with awe... Then peri struck and first, the insomnia and anxiety, then the rage. Awful blinding red fury, and inbetween outbursts, a terrible overwhelming feelings of despair, a loss of confidence and sense of self.

HRT honestly saved my life.

I’m crying just reading this and realising I’m not alone. I thought it was just me.

Another one here.... I relate so much to what people are saying in so many ways.

I'm tired... like many of you. Physically tired, mentally tired, tired of running a home, tired of cooking, tired of needing to clean and tidy, tired of worrying about my kids, tired of all the shit going on in the world, tired of work, tired of people being twats, tired of putting myself last.

And then I get the rage, because if men had to go through this, there'd be a 'cure'. Or we'd retire at 40 on full pension or something.

Anyway. I'm with you.

If men went through this………

All of this, the testosterone was the mental game changer for me. I have my sharpness back.

@LyndaSnellsSniff you have described exactly how it feels to me. The wandering through town feeling lonely and pointless yet overwhelmed with everything at the same time is so relatable to me. It actually makes me feel better knowing others are feeling the same.