Do you worry about your children constantly? How do you ever relax?

@Kiki1703 I don't know if I can put it into words. At least not without sounding insane. I just try to suppress it. If you met you'd have no idea.
I hold a professional job etc.

The dangers are so much bigger when they are independent.
Stress of exams, friendships. Learning to drive, going to uni. I can't list them all. Not to mention the state of the world.
I'm scared something horrible will happen to them.
Or Then I'm scared I may die and leave them and they will miss me.

I had no idea I'd feel like this. They bring me so much happiness but unless we are all in the same place I am never completely at peace.

No. Never. Worrying is a wasted emotion.

I was terrified of something bad happening to my eldest dd when she was born. I became so anxious I ended up on antidepressants. I felt less worried when my second dd came along. In fact, I was pretty chilled out! Then my third dd was born and was unexpectedly very disabled and I was told she would die within hours of her birth.

Life became a challenge to take one day at a time as I constantly feared her death as I knew it was coming. At that point, I stopped worrying completely about my older children’s health and safety as I was laser focused on keeping their younger sister alive. The day she died, I felt a huge unburdening of fear because the worst thing a parent could imagine, had happened.

In that very same moment, my fear switched back to my older children. Not a day has gone by that I don’t panic they will die too 😢

I went on to have another child and the dread I feel every time I leave him is palpable. I track my older children on Find My IPhone and check in all the time because I can’t bear the thought of them dying too.

If you were to meet me, you would think I’m a completely rational, successful human being but deep down, having children has turned me into an irrational wreck.

Would I change a single day though? Not one. I would never trade my experiences for a trouble-free sleep. But do I worry about my children constantly? Absolutely.

Same. I think it's because as you age you experience and learn about more bad things.

I have 20-somethings and the worry now is much worse than when they were little or teens.

You learn to live with it I guess. When my two were babies I was very anxious, ran to the GP at the minor cough etc., lay awake at night thinking about crib death. But then It seemed I was able to keep my babies alive. I didn't forget to feed them, when they were sick it was within reason and they were well taken care of. I have grandchildren now and it's the same, sometimes I break out in a panic something will happen to them. But then they yell at me to put my shoes on to go to the playground,and o.k., that's what we do. That's life.

Yes I do. And it's become worse the older I've got. I think it's the realisation that sh&t does happen. When they were tiny I hadn't experienced any trauma in and around my life. Now they're in their mid twenties and I've pretty much seen it all.

You learn to live with the anxiety. If you're already anxious to that extent seek help first

I let my kids do a while heap of crazy activities and weirdly it's not those that I struggle with. It's lying awake at night when suddenly I conjure up all manner of freak accidents and tragic lives. It is hard sometimes to stay normal!

I worry more about my grandchildren than I did about my own (or maybe I’ve forgotten!) but they bring me so much joy. I think love and worry go hand in hand. I lost my sister last year from cancer and I miss her so much. We were so close. But even with all the heartache her death brought - I would not have been without her. It is the same with my DS and DD - just the thought of them being in this world and being a part of me more than eclipses any angst they may cause me. Fear of the future should not stop you from living in the present

No I don't worry a lot. Barely at all, even.

I am not prone to anxiety. Actually, anxiety is rather frowned on in my culture. I am convinced that there is a common cultural thing, that a lot of MNers believe that they are morally bad people if they don't worry, that to not worry would = crap person / parent.

I do plan for a plausible worst & hope for the best. I reckon that it's gloriously wonderful that the world is so chaotic & unpredictable. Just goes to prove what a waste of time worrying is. Adult DD (who does suffer with anxiety) said she was quoting Oscar Wilde last night : "I've worried about so many things in my life that never happened." Life is unfair, get over it. Also, Every day I wasn't born in North Korea or DRC or ... makes me amazingly privileged & blessed, in spite of any problems I may face.

And then there's this.

Yes and mine are mostly adults now but that means they are off doing dangerous stuff in far flung parts of the world and taking risks. I honestly try not to think about it as I could drive myself crazy. As young children i didn't worry too much as they were always with me or their father or another responsible adult.

I stick to what I think is a normal level of worry if you can't do that then you really should see someone, children or not

I have diagnosed anxiety that can last a few months and then I'm well for a few months. The time of wellness is slowly getting bigger and anxiety less. I worry about all the things you mentioned when I am ill. Its not something I worry about when I am well. I think you have to work at getting yourself better.

I am a worrier and a terrible catastrophiser. My kids are 25 and 28. I haven't stopped worrying yet but I never for a minute regret having them.

Gosh you could be describing me here, ive always be a worrier but since having a child its so bad, the constant worry, all surrounding my son, he is 19 now.
the worry makes me ill, in a way i envy people that don't have kids, they much be at peace. im tormented by worry and fear. , what if he gets sick, what if he is in an accident, and all the bad stuff going on in the world, i worry about it 100 times more because i have a a son that will be effected by it.

I don't worry about them unnecessarily, no.

No. Worrying is a waste of time. Address your anxiety now, see your GP.

I actually think it’s useful to rephrase how you feel about the children going through hard things. This is obviously totally different to worrying about them having a terrible illness or accident.
My son has just started a new school and went off one day with worries about going to after school orchestra, how he would know where to go etc, and I was worrying about him and then just thought “this is good that he’s learning how to figure out these things for himself, this will stand him in good stead in the future”
We can’t snow plough for our children, we have to make sure that they have the tools to deal with the bumps in the road themselves.
So I do worry about random accidents a bit but normal life trials i reframe as learning opportunities for them.

I have a general sense of concern but any more would have a negative effect on my child so I won't do that to them, worrying about something you can't control helps no one

Hi OP, my recommendation to anyone thinking of having a child is getting your head in the best place in terms of working on trauma, self-esteem and anxiety.

I only say this because I've suffered with both for a lot of my life and it has hugely resurfaced once I became a mum. The crippling worry is endless. Not just things like are they ok, are they safe, but am I good enough, am I worthy enough to be a mum, do I even love him the right amount. Really intense horrible intrusive thoughts postpartum that I'm still struggling with, and have a lot to do with my past trauma again.

I never thought it would be quite like this. Getting more help for it now though.

Yes I apologise I just re read. Well I don't think you'd be a shit mam. Infact, good mams need good heads on thier shoulders. You are aware of what can happen in this cruel world and that's good. But I'd HATE to see all this be a reason you chose not to have them. I think cognitive behavioural therapy can really help with the way you think. I'm not telling you what to do, but coming from someone who also thought like you at one point I know there's a solution. But only if you want it