Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

I mean I think polite to say you're off elsewhere in someone's house, in-front of family and let them know where you're going in their home - I always just double check with the in laws if I can use their bathroom! I wouldn't be giving details, just a polite "do you mind if I use your bathroom" or similar.

It would be impolite to discuss what you were doing, or discuss it in public imo.

My own mum & one sibling are nosy bitches and I no longer want them in my house for any length of time as they simply can’t be trusted not to snoop

sibling once swiped a spare key to let herself in and was only caught out because I’d change the alarm code

mother let herself into my bedroom then claimed ‘may have lost x item while in there so had a look around but couldn’t find it’

aka ‘have had a good snoop and here’s my excuse if you noticed anything moved about’

haven’t worked out how to install an extra lock yet (tricky door set up) but no visitors, of any relation or none, allowed in my bedroom or, now, upstairs to toilet without being supervised

which is shit and not my preference but some people, even family, just have a serious lack of respect for other people and a massive sense of entitlement so until they act like decent human beings then they have to be treated like the weirdos they are

We were also quite strict about bedrooms being private for DCs as well. No going in without invitation.

My mum does this. She used to ask if she could look at my bedroom, and I’d say no. Then she’d sit looking shifty for a bit, announce she was going to the toilet, and a minute later I’d hear her crashing about tiptoeing from the bathroom to my bedroom. Then denied until she was blue in the face.

We did the tours when we first moved in / were moving in when it was show home not lived in yet. No need to check it again a year later 😅

Being given a tour is quite different from basically going upstairs to nose in a bedroom.

I would never dream of wandering round upstairs in PIL house without them asking me to, I'd never go into their bedroom without them asking- why would I? I feel the same way about them and DH and my's bedroom. They're very welcome to go in the children's rooms- DD is always taking MIL to show her something or other. We have a downstairs bathroom so they don't need to go to the upstairs guest bathroom. They only live 5 minutes away so don't stay over.

what’s wrong with being nosy about a house? In my circle every new guest gets a “tour” of all the rooms!

Nope, I’ve never mooched about in my adult DC’s houses and I’d never go into anyone else’s bedroom unless explicitly invited to. I agree with the OP that it’s rude to nosey around other people’s bedrooms.

Bedrooms should be private, including the kids rooms too.

I don’t allow teen DS to take his friends upstairs as they have a perfectly good sized playroom downstairs and a downstairs toilet so no need to go wandering.

YANBU - Bedrooms are private. If no need to go upstairs then she stays downstairs.

I was raised you don’t go upstairs unless invited/instructed too.

I don’t even want my children in my room let alone my mil or even my own mother. It’s the one room I can have as slobby or equally sex dungeon as I wish 😅

plus my mil is a commenting mil. Oh the tv needs dusting, why do you have that there, hmmm you really have too much stuff blah blah blah. Lucky I open the door 😂 she just walked in once cheeky sod didn’t even knock. Now the doors locked permanently.

I have never ever heard the concept of not going upstairs before, ever. Had a big mix of friends growing up from council houses to mansions and went upstairs In all!

actually would say it’s extremely rude not to let a close family member in half the house. If a bedroom or bathroom was a real mess I would just pull that door closed and explain it !

@bibbityboppityboo "I think it's polite to say you're off to the toilet" Now, I was brought up to believe that was really rude! At MOST you say "Excuse me." You never announce you're going to the loo!

The bedroom is the only room of the house I have sex in, or leave my pants on the floor, so it is definitely more private!

DH's family wander everywhere, I remember everyone congregating in our bedroom once, just leisurely having a conversation. I was irritable and asked them to move, it's a bloody bedroom!

I also don't go upstairs in other people's homes unless invited to do so.

Some people are extra nosey…can’t resist opening drawers, cupboards etc. We have a couple in our family that I wouldn’t want having the run of our house as DH would go mental if they were having a snoop around.

This is the norm for most people isn't it?
Not in any house I've ever been in, no!

Spot the nosy posters claiming op is weird.

I'm not remotely nosy. I honestly have literally no interest in nosing around people's houses. Maybe that's why it wouldn't occur to me not to want people going upstairs in my house.

We have PIL staying with us right now for a few days. It would be a bit tricky to not let them go upstairs, since that's where the spare bedroom is! We have had umpteen friends and family members to stay, and our kids' friends have always been allowed upstairs. Honestly, I have never heard of such a 'rule'. We don't even necessarily keep our bedroom door shut. It's just a room fgs - it's not a secret lair!

I would never expect family to ask to use the loo upstairs, they are welcome to wander around if they want to!

I think it's polite to say you're off to the toilet - if there's one downstairs I'd expect to use that one, rather than going upstairs. If there's only one available upstairs, you go right to the toilet and right back - no exploring!

It's weird to think they can just wander into bedrooms, quite nosy. Especially for such a rubbish excuse of things you can see from your window 😂

DH designed a secret bolt for a private cupboard in our bedroom.

We both knew DM wouldn't be able to resist having a nose about. Always explained away as 'being helpful'.

It amused us to think of her trying to work out why that cupboard wouldn't open.

Exactly

It is rude. I was brought up that other people's upstairs are out of bounds unless specifically invited up, even childhood friends. This also seemed to be the case in other people's houses.

I didn’t know my MIL had been in my bedroom until she lectured me about needing to tidy it up! To be clear, there was ZERO reason for her to be in there: no bathroom, no storage, absolutely nothing that anyone but my dh and I could have needed.

There was a lock installed and used the next time she visited. And she threw a fit because locked doors don’t belong in families 🙄

It wouldn’t worry me at all. She’s family!

My dc’s grandparents look after them regularly and have done since they were tiny. It would be bonkers to trust them with my most precious things but not let them go upstairs in my house.

I was brought up the same way op. You would always excuse yourself to leave the room to use the toilet, and I still do, even in my parents' and inlaws' homes. If you have to use the upstairs bathroom instead of a downstairs loo, then you ask permission to go upstairs. It's just manners. These are also the homes btw where I'll put the kettle on and ask who else wants a drink, so I'm very welcome and at home, but upstairs is the private space of the household. I will often take my mil or dm or whoever up to see some new bedroom furniture or decorating etc., but neither would dream of inviting themselves upstairs.