Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

How does that work? I go upstairs several times during the day, putting laundry away, getting a book, making sure the cats ok, looking for something in the office. I can't imagine never having to go up there.

All our family can go anywhere in each others houses.

After I caught my MIL and SIL going through my bathroom cabinet and wardrobe and reading my personal mail, no she's not allowed in my bedroom or bathroom any more. She's done worse than that over the years, and as a consequence I have strict physical and other boundaries in place. It's been some years now, and we have a good entente within those boundaries now. It was a cultural thing. She wanted to treat me like her daughter, the good and the bad. I didn't want or need another mother. We're fine now.

My MIL was like a moth to a flame with my room. I still don’t really understand why!? I mean it’s a bog standard bedroom. With my bog standard stuff in it.

My Gran was telling me that when she was younger her MIL would come round for dinner and just as they settled to the sofa she would say "well I will just have a look upstairs" and go round and inspect all the rooms.

MIL has her own bed and half her wardrobe at our house so she is more than welcome to go wherever she wants as does anyone else who stays. What I do mind is when kids are round to play with my DS and they constantly try and play upstairs. DH WFH and we make a lot of noise downstairs but try not to be noisy upstairs. Even when I explain we have literally no toys upstairs, just books and bed and everything is in the playroom.

And that’s why I put a baby gate on top of the stairs that is tricky to open. No one goes upstairs except us when it’s time to go to bed.

I don’t allow teen DS to take his friends upstairs

Wtf? He’s not allowed to take his mates into his own room? No wonder people grow up so weird.

It’s the in-laws so for her husband it’s his mum going upstairs, it’s not rude, do you really expect your parents to ask to use the toilet when visiting you and do you do the same in their house and not allowed upstairs?

My MIL has been in my bedroom before. After my c-section she came and changed all the bedding on our king size bed for us god love her. She's been dragged into ds2's room to see his toys etc.

My mum has been in my room chatting to me sat on my bed when I've been ill, or has played with the kids in their rooms or helped them get changed etc.

If you have a super duper Nosey Parker relative yes that must be annoying but surely they're equally as nosy in all rooms of the house and it's not just an upstairs issue?

I hope when your kids grow up their partners treat you better than this!!

I too think it’s rude! I wouldn't want people in my room unless i’d said so.
as for ‘clean your room!’ It’s op‘s house! If she wants too too be a bit messy then it’s her right and should feel like she’s being snooped on in her own home

You never have sex in any other room?

I was brought up the same way. Thankfully, so was my MIL.

Years ago my parents gave me a graduation brunch party. It was for grad school so my colleagues and friends were all well past our young adult years. A fellow grad attended. She went upstairs and decided to take a nap!!! She'd never been in my parents' home before. I was pretty shocked.

Very strange my older sister does this. It's so annoying I shove junk in my room if giving downstairs a quick tidy. Also used to have neice and nephew taking food in my DC's room's. So we put some star locks on. Obviously not to lock anyone in more to keep people out.

I feel similar OP. We have a downstairs loo, so unless people are staying there's no need to go upstairs.

If I go to my FIL or SIL's houses I'll only go upstairs if I've been invited to. I wouldn't dream of going up there. Even if I've been invited I feel awkward! My niece asked me to come see her room and I got her to check with her mum before I went up.

I even asked my Mum if it was OK to show her bedroom to my DH the other week (they've just moved house)!

As this thread has proven however, there are some families where it is normal, so perhaps neither of you are being unreasonable, just that you have different opinions.

Well my PIL sleep in our room when they come to stay as it has an ensuite for them and they can't manage the stairs up to the spare room so I think that ship has sailed in this house!

I wouldn't want people going in my room but I wouldn't stop my mum/MIL going to play up in my kids bedroom if they wanted to.

I always ask to go upstairs if we're in someone else's house though.

What on earth is going on in all these bedrooms that is so private?

Make the bed, hang clothes up, put your dirty pants in the laundry basket, open the window and no issue.

No it’s rude, she’s a nosey bitch.

My mil was like this 🙄

Fil and mil regularly wander upstairs looking for dc it using bathroom. They know not to comment on mess as I handed them the hoover when they did once

I’m with you on this, brought up the same way. My friends only ever saw upstairs when we moved in. My family never go upstairs and don’t want to. Only bedrooms up there and they see these as private. I only go upstairs at relatives homes for the bathroom, other doors are closed and I respect their privacy. Absolutely no reason for her to be up there either than a bathroom or to play with grandchildren in their rooms

Something's definitely been lost with predictive text or ChatGPT

Nope, my SIL is like this and my MIL would do anything to have a snoop. They are gutted when we had a downstairs toilet

If MIL could still do stairs I would do this.

Fascinating how different people are on this. Personally I think we're allowed boundaries. I view my bedroom as my private space. I would not expect people to go in unless invited. When my kids were little, of course I went in. Once they hit a certain age, I started asking.

For those who think any room is fair game. Have a little respect for others. You might be fine, doesn't mean others are.