Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

I don’t have a choice! My four year old grand daughter drags me upstairs to her room all the time! I am interested in the whole house in any case, as they bought it in a very bad state and I have been doing some paper stripping etc and it has been lovely to see it being transformed. I would ask first though, if it was ok to go upstairs, but I think they might be a bit surprised! I definitely dont snoop, their private life is none of my business!

I hate people in my house full stop. Always have done! My mum and sister still haven't been in house and that's how it'll stay....!

Literally don’t care if MIL goes through all my drawers ( not that she would but I wouldn’t mind if she was looking for painkillers or something for the kids if she was there when I was out).

Mind you I also let friends stay at my house when I’m away so I am fairly relaxed.

Possibly it’s because I lived overseas for ages and had a live in housekeeper/ nanny so I’ve just got used to fairly low levels of privacy.

Agree with this. She’s your MIL. It’s weird and inhospitable to be uptight about her going upstairs, unless she has form for being super nosey and overstepping boundaries. She’s family, not an acquaintance.

I’d be upset if I was your DH and you were making my mum feel unwelcome. It’s rude.

I agree bedrooms are private - messy or not.

There was a thread on here a few years back - snoopy DM ( who denied the snooping) I think rather than MIL. So OP left an application for emigrating to Australia in a drawer (pretty sure they didn't have plans to go there).

All sorts of havoc broke loose IIRC - DM couldn't own up to having seen the application but really upset, you get the picture. I'll see if I can find it.

I couldn’t care less if my MIL goes upstairs in my house!

Maybe it’s a cultural difference, but surely, your MIL should feel more welcomed in your home. Your post comes across as you wanting to keep your MIL at a distance/ kinda rude imo. But as I said, perhaps cultural differences. I don’t see the issue in her wanting to see what your house is like upstairs. I doubt it’s with ill-intentions, probs just curious. I don’t think she should ask to use the toilet, given she’s part of the family. I guess it’s depends on your family dynamics.

Print off an A4 sign.
Keep out.. Place it on the bed...

Once upon a time EX mil was babysitting while I was at work. I came home to find that she'd been in our room, removed a basket of clean laundry, ironed it and folded it and replaced it back where she found it. She didn't even tell me she'd done it because she knew I'd be pissed off.

My mil does this. I hate it. I know she goes looking around as she'll move things. I find it rude. It's my room and my space.

I agree that I wouldn't go upstairs without permission (e.g. to use the loo) in a friend's house, particularly when I was a kid. And bedrooms can always be private of course. But it would never have occurred to me to stop one of my kid's grandparents from going upstairs to play with them, for example. I think that's a bit weird and if I was said grandparent I'd be quite hurt I think.

It is not normal, it’s weird. She’ll be nosing around. My exMIL was like this. Snooping into every corner of everyone’s home. She also would often disappear upstairs with our dc during social gatherings which I found very rude. She is generally a very nosey person who likes to probe too far into peoples lives and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

What can you do about it? A complicated baby gate? Or tell her, I suppose but it’s awkward, I know. Job for your dp!

For every person who thinks it’s odd people don’t want others in their bedrooms.

What is so important that you want to go in. The what are you hiding, well what are you looking for?

If I wanted you to see my perfume collection or undies I’d leave them out downstairs. If I had a new dress I’d bring it down if I wished to show you it.

I wouldnt expect my family to ask to use a toilet. I dont mind them going into my childrens rooms to fetch things etc.

I have to admit that i dont like anyone in my bedroom. My mother wouldnt go in my bedroom but my mother in law would go in an open windows when she was in my home, or decide to pop something in there. I do find it a bit intrusive.

I hate it OP.

When I was in hospital after having my daughter, my in laws tidied my house. Lovely of them yes. But my father in law had been in my room, through my baskets/wardrobe etc. I know this because he'd been in the box that I kept special things in from my first baby who I had lost in pregnancy. It looked like it had all been thrown back in after he had a good mooch through.
He has a habit of snooping.

I have a downstairs loo so nobody needs go upstairs. And I prefer it that they don't.

Nobody has to ask to use the toilet, doubt anyone is ever told no, you can't 😂

It's just polite to say 'I'm just nipping upstairs to the loo'.

I don't see how not wanting people upstairs is batshit- why would on need to besides having a tinkle?

I think the rule on children's rooms is a bit strict but if you know your MIL is a nosy Parker then completely understandable

So rude!

Bottom line is you don’t like it and it’s your home.

I think the issue here is that because your rooms are messy - and you can live anyway you want! - is the female is judged on the mess and not the male!!

And we all know it!

I’m a very private person and simply don’t like others knowing too much about me or my life. I don’t particularly have anything to hide, but I’m just private and like my privacy respected. I despise nosy people. Once, my sister visited and went into my en-suite, walking past the main bathroom to get there. She looked in the cupboards and then proceeded to question me about what was in them and why I had bought certain things. She was surprised when I challenged her on why she’d been looking in my cupboards but had to admit she wasn’t looking for anything in particular, she was just snooping. She has never been left unattended in my house again.

"I grew up in a house where.."

Yeah well, I grew up in a house where all sorts of crazy went on, but I'm a adult now and wouldn't dream of doing half that shit.

And yes, being precious about upstairs is odd.

I saw the title, thought that was absolutely batshit, read the op, confirmed it was batshit; so my gast is well and truly flabbered that many people agree!
I I have no desire to look in anyone's bedrooms, so the idea that people are banned/have to ask in others houses to go to a bathroom if it's upstairs is completely new to me.

I would not expect anyone who i've welcomed into my home to as if it's ok to use the toilet upstairs assuming it's the only toilet in the house.

Clearly people have more reasonable MILs than ours OP!

The reason it feels unreasonable is because you know there's a motive.

My MIL practically begs to go in my daughter's bedroom - including the other day when we were running late for a meal.

But she's got form for nosing and snooping. Will deny it obviously! But you get the looks.

I have ADHD - private snd NHS diagnosed - but she loves to judge despite me trying SO hard.

The funniest thing was when gave me 10 mins notice to drop something off. I explained a bit messy. She did this hilariously funny walk backwards for no resson then tried to peer in the mirror so she eyeball the reflection ibto the kitchen.

That one time was so obvious I called her on it jokingly. Usually it's just darting, judging eyes.

With the exception of loos/bathrooms, if a door is closed, guests shouldn't open them. My bathroom door has a notice saying what it is, and it's the first room you come to upstairs. if I caught someone poking around in my bedroom, I'd be furious.

If your loo is up there I find it much less wierd and you’d be expecting people to go up there. Just shut your bedroom door if you don’t want intruders! X

I agree, if anyone comes to visit I close all the doors upstairs apart from the bathroom. Use the loo by all means but there's 0 reason to be going into bedrooms. Our children don't keep toys in their bedroom except books, they have a playroom to play in so no need for anyone to be in their rooms. I would be pretty mad if my mil ventured into our room, there's nothing in there for her so it'd be pretty odd if she did.

Next time your mil visits I'd wait until she goes the loo and catch her in your room, ask if you can help her? She might think twice about her snooping next time. If you didn't have kids I'd have suggested a big black dildo on the bedside table and maybe some chains still attached to the bed, maybe not with kids about tho!