Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

I would find it very strange if I want allowed upstairs in any family member's house.

Why? What reason would you have for being up there?

I would find it very strange if I want allowed upstairs in any family member's house.

It is a very odd thread title. "Allowed"? It's not the sort of word I'd ever use in this sort of context about an adult.
"AIBU to prefer if she didn't/to ask her not to..."

I've never heard of it being rude to go upstairs? In your bedroom yes that's rude but just upstairs is fine imo.

Maybe they should ask first or use the family bathroom that they passed instead. They may be family but it is still not their home.

Exactly!! I can't think of any reason why a guest would feel it appropriate to wander in to different rooms!

And there's a lot of clear water between someone wandering around your home, or following you in to the lounge or kitchen or wherever you prefer to sit with guests.
Once we're seated in the kitchen why would they have need to wander in to any other room unless the hosts instigates it with something like "shall we move in to the lounge where its comfier"
An invite doesn't have to be formal, maybe suggestion is a better word but that's nit picking. Either way guests shouldn't wander around homes

There's quite a lot of clear water bw guests freely roaming the house and you issuing invitations into each and every room you fruit loop. Can just imagine you barking "I said the hall. The hall, not the kitchen"

Surely if you are in someone's home you assume that an invitation to 'Hi, come on in' is not an invitation to roam freely throughout their home?

It doesnt matter what you feel about privacy in your own home.

This.

also OP tidy your room if it’s messy and that’s what’s bothering you

Why does basic hospitality equate to being happy people roam around your house 🫤

Personally, I don’t just go into anyones bedrooms without reason, never. Only in my parents house, I’d comfortably do so. In other houses, it would only be if they invited me to their room to hang out etc.

However, parents and parents in law, I’d regard as appropriate if they went in my bedrooms, if they wanted to say, have a look at the decor, grab something, take a nap, rest etc. I wouldn’t care if they did or did not ask for permission either. Simply cos they’re family, and I’d like them to feel free and relaxed. At my parents place, my sisters, brothers, and I openly go into one another’s bedrooms without a fuss, as we share things and leave things in each others rooms at times. I guess I’ve never kept anything private in my room and also shared a bedroom with my siblings too.

I would never just enter bedrooms in a friends or acquaintances place tho. So really it depends on family dynamics, as I said in my original comment.

I would consider it odd if a guest went in my bedroom for no reasonable purpose, but it wouldn't really occur to me that anyone would do that tbh. I wouldn't especially think to keep my bedroom door shut. I certainly wouldn't be bothered if they went upstairs, for example to use the bathroom.
Those of you with the 'no guests upstairs' rule, do you never have guests to stay?!

Maybe it’s a cultural difference, but surely, your MIL should feel more welcomed in your home. Your post comes across as you wanting to keep your MIL at a distance/ kinda rude imo.

I wouldn’t want my own parents in my bedroom, kids know not to go in our room when they have friends over etc…. It’s a basic rule and it’s not about being unwelcoming - I’ve never been in friends bedrooms or my sisters - none of my business and if you can’t have privacy in your own house - where can you?

Do you go in others bedrooms?

@Angrywife Visitors shouldn't go in any room in a house without being invited in to them.
Regardless of who they are in the family, they're a guest, and should remember that.

No wonder you’re so angry.

My parents in law started hinting about me being pregnant after finding a positive test literally hidden at the back of a cupboard in my en-suite bathroom. I had been, but I had lost it, and I could have done without their painfully obvious enquiries, on top of that, on top of sheer rage at the intrusion.

Sorry, I’m merailing. Inlaws are a rich vein of stories for me.

No, but that sounds amazing. What happened??

Does anyone remember the poster with a nosy MIL who got details for emigrating to Australia and put them in her bedside cabinet?

I'd never expect a visitor to ask to use a loo but I can't stand people poking about in my bedroom. What reason does anyone else have to go in there? I would never go into someone's bedroom without being invited, many people would think nothing of hiding around. I suppose we are all different. I just wouldn't want the nosy people in my house.

I have never been remotely interested in other peoples bedrooms and it’s never occurred to me that my Mum or MIL when they were alive would be ‘nosy’ .

I have inlaws who like to root around in my bedroom and who I have discovered napping in my bed while I was out. I’d put an electrified baby gate across the stairs if I could. And this.

Spot the weird posters claiming the OP is not weird

And trust me, I'd have absolutely no interest in nosying through someone's pig-sty of a room (not necessarily you, OP!).

Im completely with you. I wouldn't go upstairs in anyone else's house unless I had too - and then I would ask before I did. I see downstairs as a communal living space, that I'm happy to share and socialise in, but upstairs is my private space.
My MIL also loves finding a reason to go upstairs in my house - I've never said I hate it but I do. She comes over sometimes when we are at work to take dog out and I'm pretty sure she even pops upstairs then! It's just to be nosey I think.

They can get this by locking the door on the other loos…
will consider your suggestion when it next arises though… thanks

MIL came round to do something with some curtains. I'd have done it or paid someone but, ok, that's not a battle I was going to fight too hard over.

I'm WFH upstairs and, downstairs, all I can hear all day:

• She rocked up and about 20 mins later did a loud performative crap in the hallway bog.
• Everything being done with maximum crashing around and banging
• My neighbour knocked for something and she answered the door and was loudly gobbing off to her about various things before I got down there
• Apparently the window in the room she was in doesn't open wide enough.
• Lots of muttering. I don't know what about.

Really wasn't in the mood for this today, but that's the way it was. I still feel a big dark cloud in my head about today. I get that sometimes.