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Original poster

Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

287 replies

DisneyBaby · 01/06/2023 16:23

I grew up in a house where it was rude to go upstairs in someone else's house and even if the toilet was upstairs and I needed to go, I would say 'is it ok to use your toilet upstairs' etc...

This is the norm for most people isn't it?

My MIL always tries to find an excuse to go upstairs in our house and I'm really uncomfortable with it. Firstly it's messy and secondly I just feel like bedrooms etc are private. Am I alone in thinking this?

She sometimes makes out she's looking for something in my daughters room or says my daughter wanted to go up there etc. But other times she's said things like 'I bet you can see ..... from your bedroom window' and tried to go up to see something from my and DH room.

Would you have a problem with this?
I don't know why she feels it's acceptable...

OP posts:
Beamur · 01/06/2023 16:48

I think it's rude to go in other people's bedrooms.
I'd keep my bedroom door shut when she visits..

LlynTegid · 01/06/2023 16:48

Lock the bedroom. Bathroom perfectly reasonable to use in my opinion.

Roselilly36 · 01/06/2023 16:46

My late MIL stayed in our home regularly, I wouldn’t have dreamt of saying you can’t do this or that, she was a much loved and now missed member of our family.

DaisyWaldron · 01/06/2023 16:45

If you have a big house with a loo and playroom downstairs and your Mil isn't staying overnight, then maybe.

But I would expect a visiting close family member to be able to use the bathroom or play with/ care for children in their bedrooms.

I'd say adult bedrooms are private by default unless told otherwise. But I can't imagine my in-laws or parents having to ask every time they needed the loo, or not going upstairs to read a bedtime story to a grandchild or admire their birthday presents.

Frenchtoadt · 01/06/2023 16:45

I was brought up to not go upstairs without permission .. and yes defo ask if to use the bathroom . I was quite put out when my MIL went upstairs to use the bathroom when there was a perfectly good one downstairs .. she hadn’t done it since .. I think next time she tried I just let her know the downstairs cloakroom was free

Bernadinetta · 01/06/2023 16:43

Definitely leave sex toys, lube and lingerie out on the bed.

gamerchick · 01/06/2023 16:42

Think there are a few on this thread who are nosy Cheeky buggers who get talked about when they go home...Hmm

Daffodilmorning · 01/06/2023 16:41

It’s rude to go in someone’s bedroom without being invited but asking every time you need the loo is a bit OTT.

Yummymummy2020 · 01/06/2023 16:41

So weird she is snooping op, I wouldn’t like it either it’s extremely rude to be going into bedrooms!!!

gamerchick · 01/06/2023 16:41

Lockable door knobs.

CurlewKate · 01/06/2023 16:40

You could always make her a little pen in the garden. The children could pop out to visit and maybe take her the occasional cup of tea. What does she need to be in the house for, after all.......

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 01/06/2023 16:40

My mum lives 300 miles away. She comes, she stays. She can go upstairs. As can my PiL when they come.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 01/06/2023 16:39

I've literally never thought about it before. We've always wandered around each other's houses.

autienotnaughtym · 01/06/2023 16:39

I think it's rude to go into bedrooms uninvited. Toilet I wouldn't expect to be asked.

jannier · 01/06/2023 16:38

Put a bell on your bedroom door but I don't see the issue with children's rooms if invited or the bathroom....can your parents go upstairs to the loo without asking?

Awrite · 01/06/2023 16:37

Spot the nosy posters claiming op is weird.

Yes, it's definitely rude to take yourself upstairs in someone else's home. By all means, use the toilet but it's obvious op means her mil is doing more than just using the bathroom.

greenduckling · 01/06/2023 16:37

I'd be pretty miffed if my partner told me my own mom wasn't allowed upstairs in our house.

A friend, a distant cousin, I'd understand, but this is your husband's mum OP.

She probably just wants to nip in the bathroom (and yes, even if there is one downstairs, I don't see the problem with her wanting to go to the one upstairs) and play with your DD in her room.

Unless there's a backstory, I don't think it's likely she wants to snoop in your bedrooms.

Blahblahblaaah · 01/06/2023 16:36

It would be rude to go upstairs in someone's house that you didn't know well, but not close family.
My parents are always up and down my stairs going to the kids bedrooms with them etc, I've never given it a second thought.

Clymene · 01/06/2023 16:36

It's not the norm to ask if you can use the toilet in your son's house, no.

If you don't want her snooping in your bedroom, shut the door.

GalileoHumpkins · 01/06/2023 16:35

I don't think bedrooms are any more private than any other room in the house.

Jagoda · 01/06/2023 16:34

Put a lock on your bedroom door?

Hiddendoor · 01/06/2023 16:34

To add: it infuriates me. She has a complete lack of respect for anyone's privacy.

Hiddendoor · 01/06/2023 16:33

My mum does this. It's because she is nosy. Even if one of my DC is showing her something in their bedroom, she will take the opportunity to have a look in my bedroom and the spare room. No reason, just nosy.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/06/2023 16:32

JMSA · 01/06/2023 16:29

You're being weird, sorry. You can't honestly tell your child's grandparent that they can't go in their grandchild's bedroom! What if your child wants to show them their toys or play with them up there?! Confused

It's not weird at all.

I don't think my MIL ever went into DS's bedroom, bar when I was showing her how we'd decorated it. But then, she's a lovely woman and not a Nosey Parker.

Lcb123 · 01/06/2023 16:32

I think you're overreacting, it is her son's house.