Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

My dc don't even go in our bedroom.. Yanbu to want a private space. Tell dh he needs to to tell them to keep out..

Sorry, that was awfully full of typos. Basically my family come and stay with us so them going upstairs isn’t a huge issue.

Going upstairs to toilet is fine and as family shouldn't need to ask. Going into dcs bedroom with them is OK but going in on her own for a nosy and not sure if there could be another reason if not with dc not ok. Going into your bedroom most definitely not ok unless with you and you have invited her in for a particular reason.

My family all commands, Davies upstairs is definitely not out of bounds. All of D D toys and her main play area is also upstairs. So I don’t think upstairs is the issue it’s more the my bedroom I wouldn’t want people going inTo. People still often wait for us to allow them in et cetera so I think this is a bit OTT and then probably is a balance.

My bedroom is my own little space. The rest of the house can be inundated with people, pets - my bedroom is my quiet place, with my laptop, my books, my magazines and my lovely bedding. I can't think of one reason that anyone would need to go in there uninvited, and I wouldn't want them there, going through my stuff or mucking up my gorgeous bed. And certainly not just out of curiosity!

Very odd, family welcome everywhere in my house, mess or not! But we are a very close and loving family.

My MIL used to be constantly going in our bedrooms. I think she was trying to be helpful but it drove me nuts. If there were some clothes draped on the back of a chair she would fold them and put them on the chair. It was when she started putting underwear away in my drawers I had to get DH to have a word. I wouldn't say I consider the bedrooms out of bounds but at the same time I don't really see why a guest even close family would need to go in.

People are seriously nosey though

Really weird to say a bedroom of a grandchild is ‘private’ when it comes at a grandparent unless the kid is older and doesn’t want them in there.

You’d have felt a lot more uncomfortable if you hadn’t.

I think it’s rude if you make people ask. If you can’t host properly then don’t. I feel sorry for ppl who were brought up like this

Does your mother walk about in your house without asking? Does she go to the upstairs toilet? Does she go in the grandchildren’s rooms? Or is that different? My sons mother in law walks about in their house like she owns it while I’m not even invited in, when I mention this it’s ‘different’. Can’t be doing with being treated ‘differently’ on their terms. Apparently it’s because I’m not related ‘enough’?!?

I would never go into somebody's bedroom, it's rude. When I was going out with DH their bathroom was upstairs and I always felt uncomfortable using it

Toilet, absolutely if there's not one downstairs, but bedrooms are not for mooching around in by visitors. I keep pills out and it's not always completely tidy or things tidied away. My MIL is both a nosy bat and she also says what she thinks, I find it intrusive and none of her business

I don't even ban my dogs from going upstairs let alone other humans

Am I weird?

Keep it tidy and you won't panic every time she wants to go up there. She might genuinely want to see the kids' bedrooms, which I think is normal.

But they're not, unless you're happy for a guest to sit and relax on your bed.

If you are, then check mate, but most people wouldn't like it.

God what awful secrets do you have lurking up stairs? No, MIL shouldn’t be just trip trapping around being nosy but equally family shouldn’t be forbidden like criminals. If it was your own mother how would you feel?

I would expect any guest, even family, to let me know what they were up to "must pop to the loo, do you want that ironing in the kids' bedroom while I'm going up", "a 10 ft hot tub next door you say? Let me go up to your room and have a peep", or "X is just taking me up to show me the monster under her bed!"
To me that's just part of the visit.

I don't think people should just wander into your bedroom as it's your private space.

But I also think its bizarre to ban your mother in law, or anyone else, from going upstairs in your house.

And just tidy your bedroom.

The op didn't say they had an upstairs toilet, it was an example.

I'm with you op, I was brought up the same. Your mil is a nosey bugger.

I'm in the camp that it's not rude to go upstairs, particularly not to the bathroom or a grandchild's bedroom especially if the grandchild is asking you to come see something. If there were a reason to go into your room (eg grandchild left favourite stuffed animal there, clean laundry with grandchild's sweater needed to go out there) that would also be fine with me. Going into your room for no reason would be a bit odd.

I guess I just don't see why you care, even if she does see a mess. But at the end of the day you do care, it's your home, so get your DH to ask her not to go into your room. Bathroom and grandchildren's rooms should be off limits thoughh

Mooching round someone bedroom-rude.
Going upstairs to use the toilet/see something in child’s room-not rude

Our family and extended family don't go into bedrooms, unless asked to. Even guest rooms if someone's staying.

The norm is to get the tour when someone first moves in, and before it becomes their private spaces but after that, invite only really.

Nor do I. It’s a very odd attitude, my bedroom’s just a room with a bed in it.