Should MIL be allowed upstairs in our home?

Grandparents / family going to the loo: no not remotely normal to expect them to SDLT.
Ditto if they go in children’s bedrooms to play, as often asked by children.

My Mum wouldn’t have entered my bedroom without knocking or asking but in our family, family are family and fully welcome to relax and not stand on ceremony in each others’ houses.

If you have a downstairs loo and she's not staying overnight , why would she need to go upstairs ?. Do your bedroom doors have locks ? Maybe it's time they did.

Surely family members don't ask to use the loo?

How sad your daughter isn't allowed to show her gran her room or play there with her.

She certainly shouldn’t go nosing in adult bedrooms! I’m sure my MiL wouldn’t have dreamt of it. I wouldn’t mind at all if a MiL went into kids’ bedrooms to look for or fetch something, or if a dc wanted to show her something. And if there’s only an upstairs loo, no problem with that at all.

If I were you I’d keep my bedroom door firmly closed when she comes round, and maybe invest in a lock!

Can't see a problem with a family member going anywhere in my house.

Does she expect you to ask to use the loo in her home and would she think it rude if you went uninvited into her bedroom ?

If the answer to these questions is yes then it’s rude and intentionally so.

If the answer is no, then she lacks good manners in my view but this may be unintentional.

Going into a bedroom uninvited is an invasion of privacy and shows a lack of respect for common and decent boundaries.

Would have but was breastfeeding baby so was hard to move. She went up cos my 6 year old wanted to show her something in her room. I'd already quickly said just bring it down. Feel like my MIL should have understood but no, up there for ages. Made me feel really ashamed as there was clothes everywhere and everything a shambles. I kept shouting my daughter down too but that was ignored by both of them.

Get your bum up and ask if you can help her.

I'm a bit late but wanted to say. You are right. My mother in law just goes upstairs. She's up there now poking about and I feel really judged and uncomfortable.

She's rude.
Shut bedroom doors and loiter on landing
" tidying up" to escort her downstairs

Luckyduc
OP has said this isn't just about going to see things with the grandchildren.
OP's MIL has a mooch around OP's bedroom.
Would you really tell your son to run a mile from a woman who doesn't want their MIl mooching around their bedroom?

If I had teenage children who thought it was acceptable to go rummaging around other people's bedrooms when they visit, I'd be really disappointed that they've got no respect for other people's houses. Chilling in their friends' bedrooms is fine. Having a mooch around upstairs in other people's houses, not fine.

Mooching round someone bedroom-rude.
Going upstairs to use the toilet/see something in child’s room-not rude
Agree with this.

100% agree.

I'd have told my son to run a mile from you if that is how weird you are.
She's a grandparent and perfectly normal for her to go see her grandchildren bedrooms, see their toys and let the kids show them their rooms or play.
We're you not allowed friends in the house? Cause all my friends came round and played in my room and you will have a he'll of alot of people coming over and going upstairs when your kids are in the teenage years.
Just tidy tour mess up 🙄

I don’t understand this at all. Maybe tidy up your house so it doesn’t matter. It’s just rooms in your home and if someone is a guest then it’s fine surely? I’m shocked anyone thinks like this.

My opinion is that one should ask to use the lavatory either up or downstairs. I wuld ever go into other people's bedrooms. Having said that I am old and was brought up to have
good manners.

I guess because my own mum is nosy.... And judgemental about cleaning etc, I would just expect the same nosiness from other people 🤣
Doesn't mean it isn't rude though, lol...
I'd say shut the doors, and lock if you can, of rooms don't want snooped in on....

Your aren't wrong OP it's absolutely okay to not want other people to go in your bedroom or to just randomly look around upstairs! As someone with a grandmother with zero personal boundaries my mum and I have spent years having to lock rooms or tell her off for just wondering around/going upstairs without even asking or even offering to take other people upstairs at my mums house with no permission. My gran came over to mine and my partners house when I was 5 days PP so I was still in some pain and recovering from birthday and was highly emotional at that point and I popped upstairs and she just followed me and started walking up my stairs and I said it was really messy and not to come up (I was still bleeding quite heavily so I had sanitary products and clothes lying that still needed picking up when I had the energy to tidy them) but she kept walking upstairs and I had to just tell her off that I didn't want her up here and that she didn't need to look. It really pissed me off and haven't invited her over since. Family or not everyone has a right to privacy.

YANBU I’m a messy person and hate people going upstairs because it’s messy! Like other posters have said it’s probably more to do with not wanting people to see the mess!

I think if it was a random error then yes it would be rude but she's immediate family so personally find it weird that you think its rude she goes upstairs in her sons house.

I find it weird anyone would expect to go into the bedroom that their adult child and their spouse share just because they’re family or even expect to be allowed in there in the first place unless they have permission from both spouses. It’s not just the son’s bedroom but OP’s bedroom as well. If she doesn’t want her MIL in there, she shouldn’t have to because it’s her DH’s mother and vice versa if it was her own mother.

To be honest to me it just sounds like you're a bit a scruff and are ashamed of what it looks like.

I said this earlier …. Woman always get the blame.

I have never come across this concept before. I wouldn't open a closed door in someone elses house unless invited. But our own doors are never closed and I'm not bothered where guests go.

The house I grew up in was a bungalow!

I suppose this attitude being prevalent explains my recent confusion - we had a party and people kept queueing at the downstairs WC. I had to keep telling people we had 3 more loos upstairs and to help themselves.

Don't most people put their sex toys away-particularly if they have children? Mine would have been galloping round pretending to be unicorns or something if I'd left a dildo out. And underwear? Dirty in the basket-who cares who sees clean?

I think if it was a random error then yes it would be rude but she's immediate family so personally find it weird that you think its rude she goes upstairs in her sons house. I'd be really upset if my daughters don't consider us close enough when they're grown up for me to even be able to use the upstairs toilet without asking.

To be honest to me it just sounds like you're a bit a scruff and are ashamed of what it looks like.

This poster obviously doesn’t own any sex toys. Or underwear

Maybe she’s a swinger?