School mums messaging DH

Why would the OP do that?

For starters it doesn't sound as though she knows them and how would she have their phone numbers?

Weird.

Start bypassing them and messaging their partners.

He's the main parent. Just keep making an effort to get to know them

How odd that the woman you were texting yesterday then texts you DH. It’s not like she assumes their dad is chief organiser if you were texting her last to arrange something.

I mainly text the mum (even if they do 50/50. There’s only 1 dad that does most at DD’s school so I text him (but if his wife turned up, I would text her).

The bike woman is strange, your DH should say ‘oh thanks, yes dc would love that thanks, just waiting for toughtoffee to get ready then we’ll set off’ then you go too.

This!

They knew him first, he's the default parent to them. Bloody good job them.

Also, I treat school/nursery couples interchangeably if they both do drop offs. I didn't realise I must have some nefarious purpose. I just text whosever name I can find in my phone.

Because its putting the mental workload back onto the woman?!

The OP will follow this advice and be back here in 6 months grumbling because she has gone back to work, husband is back to school runs and she has to sort out the playdates on his behalf 😂

OP, it sounds like your jealous. And as someone else said, if it was a Dad messaging, would you be bothered?

They've spent months messaging the husband to sort out playdates with him and most likely text out of habit, probably because they dont have the headspace to think about it as their husbands also dump the family mental workload onto them as well.

I'd say you're massively overthinking it

When I store my kids contacts in my phone it'll be "lucy dc2 class" and I'd never again have a single clue which one of her parents I'm texting.

Especially since all the school mums tend to have the same names, leanne, Kelly and Rachel usually and as it happens I have many friends with those names.

It's your standoffish / haughty attitude that's putting mums off speaking to you sadly. Try to be a bit nicer and stop blocking people hither and thither.

Your insecurities and jealousies aren’t really their problem. You either trust your DH or not.

Wonder if the OP will be back?

Yabu

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. They knew him first so he's the go to parent when they're doing kid stuff.

I hate the assumption that I automatically have to become friends with my male friends partners just because we are the same sex. They met your DH first and probably know him better so maybe just feel more comfortable contacting him

I have been really angry about the recent text and am planning to just blank this and the other mothers that do this as it's just fucking rude and ignorant. I don't text their husbands separately and highly doubt they do that to others

And this is an enormous overreaction. Of course you don’t text their husbands if both you and they are not the “primary” school contact for the kids. But that’s what this is about. There’s absolutely nothing inappropriate about that message and nothing to say that you’re not invited too. I was sending some invitations to my DD’s friends a few weeks ago and asked for “the Mums’ numbers”. This turned out to be a sexist assumption on my part as my DD said that her friend Lucy’s dad was a SAHD and that I should contact him. All good - arrangements made. In the event, Lucy’s mum brought her and we had a coffee and a chat - and it was she who sent the “thank you” text. All very friendly. But I’d still text Lucy’s dad next time to make a similar arrangement as I know that’s “his” domain and it would look a bit odd suddenly to do it the other way round just because I now know Lucy’s mum. And, arguably, a bit rude - why shouldn’t the dad be the primary carer/event arranger? If Lucy told my DD initially to text her dad, why should I unilaterally decide to text her mum? And why does it matter - they obviously speak about things pertaining to Lucy, which is the only reason we are in contact in the first place!

I say this very gently but you seem to be feeling a little threatened.

What are you feeling insecure about? Your relationship with your husband and women contacting him, or your position as mother and women considering him default parent?

You’re making this weird. They knew him first so in their head they probably just think x child = you OH as first point of contact. Texting him despite seeing you doesn’t mean anything? I am sure it isnt pre meditated, they probably just weren’t thinking of it when they were with you? I think it’s sad for your OH that you think that because you now do picks up etc that you should be primary contact and they should just drop him!?

I think it is what others have said - that they knew your husband first / for longer. In my younger dd's primary class there were lots of dads who did the school run. For 3 of the families we associated with a lot, the dad was the one I knew best. And socially still see from time to time though she is sixth form now. The mothers were sometimes around, so it's not that I didn't know them, just not as well.

Only the person who sets up a WhatsApp group can add members so I assume it's easier to message the parent who is in the longstanding group.

Tell dh to add you and make a group chat..
I have male customers and we were a bit pally One in particular added his gf to our chats. Wasn't a problem..

It sounds like you’ve only been getting to know these mums for a couple of months, whereas your DH has known them for at least a year?

You’ve got to take this into perspective.

For them to just suddenly stop messaging your DH, in their eyes, might seem rude? Maybe?

I certainly wouldn’t ignore them and instead get to know them, as your DH has done.

Is he hot?

I don’t think they like you. Are you unfriendly? It would bother me to (them texting DP and not me) but I can be a little petty.

Its likely they assumed because he was the first to establish the relationship you are not keen on being mum friends etc. We have some super career oriented people at our school who I think from past experience are very busy people and not interested in school chit chat.
Why don't you start messaging them the same chit chat stuff and they will see you are?

Great minds think alike @Zipidydodah 😂😂😂

Maybe he’s just more approachable.

Oh and nothing in her message suggested you weren’t invited