To not let other people feed my FF baby?

I couldn't breastfeed, but wanted to. And I found watching other people feed my baby absolutely excruciating.

I did let both his grandmother's feed him on occasion because I didn't want to be difficult, but I actually still find it upsetting to think about.

I was still pumping and watching them feed him would make my boobs leak and feel painful.

It did pass by about 12 weeks but I actually wish I'd have just said how much it upset me because they probably would have understood.

That's interesting. It's all about what you want. You should expect the new mum to take you up on the offer only if it is in line with what they want.

Why are you talking about the father when the thread is about a grandmother?

I do agree it's wise to involve dad and promote the bond between him and baby from an early stage. Though this doesn't have to involve feeding - it can be bathing, reading, pacing up and down, playing. A new mum wanting to care for her baby and ensure he feeds well and has that time with her is not necessarily a new mum who can't support her partner's bond with the child, you know!

If you want to be the only one who feeds your baby that's totally fine. I breastfeed and I love that baby knows it's always me who feeds them and I think it's a lovely thing for the two of us to have so if you want it why not...its your baby, you don't have to meet anyone else's expectations if you don't want to

It can also be hard as a new mum the way other people hold and burp the baby. I'm not at all saying that no other adult is capable of holding a newborn, but the instinct the mum has is strong.

I sometimes think mils would do well to try and understand how their dils might be feeling, as people and as exhausted new mums themselves not just as an incubator for the grandchild. Rather than simply trying to take the baby to have a go,

Maybe asking questions such as "how could I be of help"

"How are you feeling"

YABU

I absolutely love feeding a baby either by giving them a bottle or spoon feeding them when they’re older, it’s one of the best things you can do with a baby.
So I would definitely ask to do it if someone I know had a baby.

But I do not like changing nappies so there’s no way I would be offering to do that.

If someone is holding your baby and feeding them that frees you up to have a cup of tea or something that you wouldn’t be able to do whilst feeding a baby.

As you will be some day presumably..... Would you like to feed your hypothetical future grandchildren?

You could let them feed the baby and use that time to make yourself tea or take out the bin yourself, no?

In all honesty I do find it a little strange you don't even like when the child's father feeds them their bottle! He'll never learn the technique if you don't let him.

It's such a shame your babies granny isn't allowed to give their grandchild a bottle. I hope when your a granny your daughter in law isn't as mean.

Your baby your choice. I breastfed so no one else fed my baby until she was about 12 weeks and feeding was well established. Even then, I'd say I've done 99% of the feeds. She has lovely attachments to other family members at one year old.

Yes, this. Wanting the same bond as a breastfeeding mother is totally normal.

YANBU....completely understandable with such a young baby. And indeed usually recommended by MW that only mum and dad feed initially. Particularly when your little one has latch issues and you possibly are trying to pace feed. Ignore a lot of the comments OP...I think mumsnet is full of hard done by MIL's and the reasonable DIL's on here often get slated on these sort of posts.

It’s batshit to me how this is the same mumsnet that also mutters the mantra “your baby your rules” and that people SHOULD be offering to do stuff whilst you recover and sit and bond with your baby (which you should)

definitely shouldn’t have posted in AIBU OP!

Well, then women can't have it both ways can they?

They can't push the father out, believe they have the final say and 'let' them feed the baby or whatever it is on their own terms but then magically, 3 years and 2 years later when they are overwhelmed with a toddler and a baby suddenly expect the father to be equally involved and pull their own weight when it comes to caring for the children.

His in-laws probably give a shit that she's recently given birth and hasn't just presented them with a new toy is probably the reality. Because she's their child.

On a parenting course I attended the health visitors advised just one or two people feeding the baby in order to help with attachment.

I think your ? key is stuck, try hoovering your keyboard or jiggling the dirt out with a cotton bud, good luck.

This! How long will they sit and hold a plastic tea cup/ listen to long stories about obscure stuffed animals/ wait in the garden while favourite rocks and sticks accumulate at their feet? So many grandparents melt away when the boring reality sets in. And that's when it matters, not over the bottle feeding.

Sounds a bit sad tbh, I can’t wait to see my parents as grandparents!

Wouldn’t have trusted DP’s mum to feed a tamagotchi, let alone a baby, but we are completely NC with her so at least I won’t have that problem.

I guess you can't help being selfish 🤷

I wasn't asking you, I was asking the OP.

If you were my mil and that was your reaction to my offering you hospitality for your pleasure ten days post op, I would totally invent reasons to keep you at arm's length.

It’s so sad! You do you op and ideally don’t look at this board anymore. Go and hug and feed your baby who is barely over two months old! 😢

She can if she wants. It's not the end of the world.

I completely agree and I’m so glad I was able to breastfeed because I would have been the exact same if I formula fed, especially for the first six months and I would have to have had this backlash that the op is getting. Then again it is AIBU so not the nicest board! Parenting may have been better.