To not let other people feed my FF baby?

This thread is batshit. No OP, I don't think you're "selfish" for wanting to feed your own baby, and no, I don't agree everyone who wants to is automatically entitled to get a "turn". They're your child, not a toy. You shouldn't feel forced to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

At 9 weeks YANBU no, she's still very new (I do understand your MILs disappointment though). My eldest was FF and I felt physically uncomfortable when anyone else fed her (or took her away from me so I didnt like people changing her nappies either!) for a long time. I will say I suffered horrendously with PPD though so if you feel similar do have a chat with your HV they can help! My 2nd was exclusively breastfed and while I loved the fact that only I could feed her, it definitely started to feel like more of a day to day chore as she got older.

Nailed it. Sadly, they will be women. It's ingrained.

I breastfed through a severe tonguetie. It felt like I was feeding a crocodile and I had to express every hour before and after a feed because pcos meant I didn’t have enough breast tissue & I even hired a breast consultant. My mum, who never even tried breastfeeding, gave me so much judgement for not giving him formula (calling me selfish etc etc) that I never let her feed him the bottles of expressed milk either. Was it petty? Yes. Do I regret it? Hell no.

IMO if family aren’t helpful or understanding they aren’t needed after childbirth. So you do you.

I am beginning to wonder if there aren't a bunch of misogynists waiting to tell women that none of their feelings are valid.The first responses to so many threads recently seem to really attack the OP.

There's some absolute lunatics on this thread 😂 ignore @Commentsonpic . Yes, if you are visiting a woman who had a csection recently, you help out. You make cups of tea, meals, change nappies. We'll you do if you are decent. These pil haven't and not only that, mil gave the OP grief when she couldn't breastfeed. I wouldn't have them back at all OP. Fuck em. Unfortunately OP some posters will have just seen a moment to pounce on what they assume is a vulnerable woman with a tiny baby. They won't even be reading your posts properly. These people are often very lonely and lashing out. Take no notice!

On one hand I think you're well within your rights to decide who does what with your baby. I also don't think it's very nice that you want them to do all the shit jobs like taking out the trash and none of the nice things like feeding the baby. You can't have it both ways and it's up to you to make what you want clear to them, they're not mind readers. And regardless of what's right or wrong, it will be hurtful to be singled out as not being allowed to xyz with the baby, feelings are going to get hurt. Again it's up to you entirely though.

Your baby, your choice.

I’m sorry that you seem to be getting so slated OP! Of course it’s perfectly okay for you to want to feed your newborn baby yourself, to get the hang of feeding before allowing others to help with feeding if and when you’re ready.

And of course it’s okay for you to appreciate some help when IL’s are staying at your home, especially because you have a newborn and especially when you have recently had abdominal surgery. It’s appalling if they don’t understand that staying in your home creates extra work and that helping is the least they can do.

It doesn’t matter if your baby is breast or bottle
fed, it’s still your choice who can feed her. Babies aren’t some little doll or distraction to be passed around.

Please don’t be afraid to ask for the help that you actually want and to set boundaries around visits.

Your feelings are perfectly valid and you’re not being unreasonable. People clearly forget very quickly how tiring it is having a newborn and what help is actually helpful! 🤦‍♀️

Your choice I guess

I'm sure when you're a MIL you'll get pushed aside too. It's a shame they're treated so different to the other set of grandparents in my opinion.
I'm glad my in laws are as involved as they are, would hate to make them feel unwanted for their own grandchildren.
You do you

@MyTruthIsOut , my Gdcs were all EBF at first, and then BF for ages after weaning, and I’m glad to say I’ve always had a lovely, close relationship with them.

I hope you're OK OP ❤
I'm not actually shocked to read that people have different opinions. Some seem in shock that you enjoy feeding the baby.
I also FF and it was very rare I let anyone feed him in the first few months. It was my favourite time. He's almost 4 now and I long for those moments he'd snuggle in, the cute little noises, his tiny hand clutching my finger.
Maybe I was selfish not sharing but they all got those moments with their own babies. These were my moments with mine.
I think @Nutellaontoastmmm had it absolutely bang on. They all want the cuddles and bottle feeds, no offers to help with poo explosions, bedtime or the never ending games when they're older.
Take your moments and treasure them because before you know it, they'll be grown.

Haven't read any of the other comments (because cba)
But I don't think your being unreasonable

Your little one is 9 weeks?? - of course you want to feed her!! Enjoy it while she's still so tiny - in a few months you'll be ready (I guarantee it).
My baby is 13 months now but my MIL drove me absolutely crackers with the "let me hold him so you can have a break" - I didnt bloody want "a break" 😡 she still says it now but phrased differently now he moves about. I'd like "a break" from not having to bloody host her to be honest!!

She does get to do the feeding, the vast majority of them. This is only MIL's 2nd visit in 9 weeks since OP's baby was born since they live far away.

She's hardly visiting day after day stealing the bottle out of her hands.

Well quite - there are a lot of books on the scientific notion of attachment theory, which explores the value of multiple consistent, sensitively responsive caregivers on the creation of secure attachments in babies & children, while accepting that the primary caregiver will typically be the mother. Which pretty much backs up the concept of alloparenting.

Attachment parenting, on the other hand, is not a scientific theory, and there is no evidence it is proven to be related to creation of a secure attachment so personally I’d take those books with a pinch of proverbial salt.

Your baby, your rules OP. Absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting to do all the feeding. Formula/bottle feeding doesn’t give everyone a free pass to get in on feeding if it’s not what you want.

Does your DH get a say in any of this? Or is it just your rules?

Op is upset that MIL doesn’t change the nappies! I wonder how your DH survived with MIL twisting him every way 🙄

Absolutely Not Unreasonable, it’s your baby, if your preference is to give the baby the bottle, then you do it. Cannot understand why people would have a problem with it, I absolutely hated watching my MIL hold my babies ( have 3 kids), twisting them every direction🙄. Don’t get me started on other people wanting to change your baby’s nappy, why?? I don’t let anyone do that either only my husband , and I don’t leave her with anyone only my husband and she’s 15 months, You do what you’re comfortable with and don’t give another thought to anyone else’s opinion , it is not your job to keep them happy.

Why doesn’t OP get to do the feeding, since it’s one of the best things you can do with a baby? The kind thing to do when someone has a baby, is knackered and post surgery, is offer to do nappies / winding / settling / whatever so the mum can have a rest and get the energy to enjoy the best parts of having a baby, not elbow in to do the fun stuff and leave the knackered mum doing the nappies.

Haven't read all of this thread but it's your baby. It's such a short time they are little, don't allow anyone into your home that tries to bully you.
if they really want to be hands on, perhaps they could change a really smelly nappy?

true story.. when I came home from hospital with my first baby MIL had her up and down the street showing her off before I was even out of the taxi!

Yanbu. I was happy for dh and our sons to give the baby his bottle but nobody else when they are little. My mil gave my 4th bottles occasionally but only after he was 10 months and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

@Sandylanes69

Mil being selfish, not op.

Op in future just tell them to stay in a hotel.

If she can't stay in your home without not even clearing up after herself and being overbearing then tell her to do one.

It just be a simple case of you telling her "Thanks for the offer, but me and DH will be doing the feeds, but if you wish to help in other ways there are plenty" and once mil been told once she should shut up about it.

Yes she has a right to feel upset- everyone's feelings are valid- but she had her chance to parent her children HER way and now it's op's chance to parent her child in her own way. And op being the one who has just given birth, her feelings and physical health trump everyone else's bar the baby itself, who incidentally isn't benefiting by being fed by the MIL.

YANBU. You don't have to do anything that you are not ready for.

Because she has also mentioned she doesn't like it when her husband feeds baby and my previous comment was about some of the language used in this thread such as ''let'' the father feed the baby ''sometimes'' like he should be grateful for any scraps he gets with his own baby.

If DH agrees that it doesn't have to involve feeding, fair enough. But he also gets a say because its also his baby.