To not let other people feed my FF baby?

@Sandylanes69 I enjoyed wonderful relationships with my grandparents and quite sure my DC will have similar despite not having been fed by their grandparents in their early childhood. I was very close to both my grandmothers, and my parents both had loving relationships with their in laws.

DH and I actually didn't have any grandparents to visit for the first few weeks, they still adore DC.
If wanting to bond with and feed your own baby is selfish then I'm happily selfish and I'd advise other mums to put themselves first, including before the baby's dad in the newborn stage. This doesn't mean they get to opt out later, they need to be looking after the mum to enable her to look after the baby.

As it happens my MIL didn't want to do nappies, therefore has never babysat. We still spend time together and she has her own ways of bonding with DC.

My breastfeed babies refused bottles... so feeding was down to me.. but nappy changes. Baths.. winding.. cuddles.. id hand over to all and anyone so had 5 mins peace!

Yep, this is a you problem, especially in light of the drip feed pertaining to your MIL and you stating you don't like it when your husband feeds your baby.
Stop comparing your MIL to the golden standard of your own parents, as clearly it's not helpful.
PFB syndrome perfectly exemplified.

I think this is where it often gets confusing because different midwives/health visitors throw out either different advice or a variation of the same advice.

I was advised before I left the hospital that only the parents (dad too, not just me) should feed but not for months, just for the first few weeks.

Like I said earlier, I ignored it anyway but no wonder so many parents just do their own thing.

I've never known a health visitor suggest a willing father be banned from feeding his own baby.

Was your husband not bothered?

Well in the grandma who, while thrilled with and loving new arrivals, doesn't find the baby period that interesting. But toddlerhood? Seeing the world anew through a small person's eyes? Playing imaginative games, messy crafts etc? Being it on! My eldest granddaughter is three and I can do this stuff all day with her. My MIL was even more besotted and could barely be dragged away from playing with my two at that age to have a thirty second conversation with her son and me! ❤

I exclusively bottle fed and didn’t let anyone else do it for months. Even my husband. As others have mentioned, the health visitor said it’s best to just have 1 primary carer do the feeds when the baby is small

It also doesn't make them MIL's, I think that was my 'favourite'. 😂

I doubt most have forgot what it's like either, especially since some of them may even have their own small babies.

Why are you on a thread that actively seeks people’s opinions on a certain issue if you’re just going to dismiss an opinion you don’t agree with and launch into ad homonym attacks? Just because somebody doesn’t agree with you doesn’t make them lonely, or like another commenter has bizarrely claimed further down, a misogynist.

I disagree with most of these responses. You're absolutely right if you were breastfeeding it would be only you feeding and no one would even consider asking if they could feed your baby. If you still want that to be a special thing just for you and your baby then you have every right to say you don't want anyone else to feed them. No one has a right to your baby!!!

I was always a bit funny about people feeding my baby as he had really bad reflux and had to be pace fed so while I did let people feed him they had to do it as we asked/showed them how and no one ever asked me if they could, rather they'd ask if I would like them to so I could sleep/relax/drink tea/eat my food etc. And would always respect if I said no it's OK I'll feed him.

I opened the thread to say YABU - that is surely the main advantage of feeding a baby from a bottle - the fact it doesn't always have to be you.

However, having read through the thread I now see it's just another "I don't like my MiL thread"

My baby was premature and tube fed so when we finally took her home they told us to limit who fed her to just me and her dad for a while to promote bonding. Over the next couple of months we naturally let a few people feed her as time went on. I can totally appreciate it in the early days from a bonding perspective but after that I would consider it OTT but I would respect your wishes also.

I was always glad of a break from the constant feeds. Especially my second child, she cld take an hour just to take a few ounce of milk and then 2 hrs later it started again!

I think it's nice for family members to do a feed too. Gets baby used to them as well.

Not unless you moved to SouthLondon since I last saw you on Saturday! 😂

It sounds mean on the surface but when you have a new baby it feels different, so I do get it OP. I exclusively breastfed (both my DC refused bottles) but to be honest it meant I could go upstairs “to feed the baby” which meant I got half an hour break from PIL to cuddle, feed, and have some space with my baby. They were very intense and me being able to escape them to feed meant I could keep a lid on my resentment at how they felt so entitled to my baby.

I no longer feel that way, but in the thick of new baby hormones and sleep deprivation, I needed that exclusive feeding time for my sanity.

It’s your choice but it seems OTT. Surely you still get to do the majority of feeds.

This thread is batshit. OP if I were you I’d hide it now, enjoy your baby. You are not wrong at all.

Mum, is that you? 😂

Nope. I agreed. Was only me and her dad that fed her

I was advised by my midwife to only have me and my husband ff for the first three months. You do whatever you feel comfortable with OP. You’re allowed to be precious with your own children!

And are you saying that unless a mother gives every feed, their bonding will be affected?

It probably wasn't you, but someone did.

Clearly there is something primal going onv regards family bonding, or grandparents and aunties wouldn't almost universally enjoy feeding their newish family member.

My own DD is forever offering her baby and the bottle to me. To the point that I feel bad if I don't particularly feel like doing it 😂
Does anyone's MIL want to borrow my grandbaby?

She gets to feed it all of the other times of the day so she’s hardly missing out.

Why should they change nappies and do all of the rubbish bits when it’s not their baby.
Of course they may offer but they do not need to as it’s not their baby.

If OP doesn’t want to let them feed it then that’s her choice but allowing it means she gets to do something else whilst they’re feeding the baby and she still gets to feed it every other time.
Its a win-win.

@Commentsonpic You are the mother and you get to decide what happens here.

I sincerely hope that if I'm ever privileged enough to become a grandparent I don't make a daughter or daughter in law feel like this.

I'm totally with you on this one OP. (Although as an expecting mum and not yet a mum my view could well change).

It's yours and your husbands (partners?) baby. They are a person not something to be passed around to please other people. If you want to do the feeds then you do the feeds. If you just want occasional other people feeding then ask for that. Pretty sure your natural and hormonal instincts want to keep your baby close. There are plenty of other ways for your MIL to bond.