To not let other people feed my FF baby?

The most fatuous response to anything on Mumsnet

How about "I beat my baby, is that OK?"

Yes, "your babee, your roolz"

@Commentsonpic
don’t alienate your MiL
you will be GAGGING for her to babysit for you in a couple of years when you want a night out with your pals!

If you read my post fully, my point was that our very fussy baby hated it when others fed him, in the early days & it caused HIM issues which we could avoid by feeding him ourselves. Why would we cause our newborn unnecessary discomfort & upset for no reason? As soon as he got older & more settled, we were fine with others feeding him - because HE was.

It's a problem if the father doesn't agree if the baby is bottle fed and also wants to feed his own baby.

The vast majority of humans both in the world today and throughout the last thousand years haven’t been fed by their fathers. Why would it be a problem now?

Oops i realised I read the OP wrong. YABU to not allow anyone to feed your baby

Seems abit mean. You can rest whilst someone feeds baby

He's not allowed to feed the baby either

Your baby, your’s and DP’s choice

It's fine to not let anyone else feed the baby, like you said if you were breastfeeding no one else would be able to feed baby unless you expressed so someone could give a bottle but that would just be making more work for yourself. I bet she doesn't offer to wash and sterilise the bottles for you does she? I don't get why people are so obsessed with feeding other people's babies. Tell her thanks but you are happy feeding the baby and if she wants to help you then she can wash up, hoover or something else you need doing and she can bond with the baby other ways than feeding

It reminds me of baby led weaning. My mil had always dreamed of feeding the baby in his high chair but obviously you don’t spoon feed with blw. But do you know what? She also recognised that she was being ridiculous. It’s like having children and assuming they will have children of their own. It’s their lives. If they do have children and you are lucky enough to be involved then you love them and help as the parent wishes, not exercising these rights over how you feed the baby and live your little mil fantasy.

Couples or mothers? Because the attitude from some people on this thread feels like the fathers don't get a say.

If both parents agree, fair enough.

Exactly. Why shouldn’t a non breastfed baby get the same benefits?
Also the father was possibly very happy to met this happen! My husband would have been fine with it. He knew the importance of the breastfeeding bond so doubt he would have been bothered if it was a bottle.

Also come on, this baby is nine weeks. She might feel differently by 9 months and that’s ok.

I don’t think it’s really about the father’s experience but more about the babies. Some couples like to raise their babies as closely as possible to a bf experience as they can even if they have to ff. I think that’s both understandable and a good idea.

SIL FF and did every week with skin to skin. Seemed the most sensible to me, for mother and baby. Once she explained no one tried to muscle in.

@Commentsonpic - sorry not been through full thread but your baby struggles to latch on a bottle? And breastfeeding didn't work? Has your baby been checked for tongue tie?

Generally FF babies are low priority for having a tongue release as it often doesn't impact feeding quite as much as it does breastfeeding but if your baby is spilling lots of milk out of the sides and struggling to latch to a bottle this may be something to explore.

But this baby isn’t breastfed. It is sad to deny a father a bonding opportunity with his own baby when it is an easier option if you are formula feeding and doesn’t involve expressing which isn’t even always possible.

Why is it sad? Fathers of bf babies don’t curl up on the sofa with them to feed them.

Exactly. My boys dad loved feeding them. They would curl up in the sofa and lots of snuggling. It was gorgeous. Enjoy those times because however and whoever feeds them now will get the cold shoulder when they are teenagers! It doesn’t matter. A baby’s needs are food and warmth and love. Both parents can be involved.

This. Very sad. Hospitals encourage skin to skin contact for both parents but then dads are not allowed to bottle feed their babies.

It really bloody annoyed me when people seemed to view feeding the baby as some sort of 'status symbol'. Ridiculous.

so why all the fuss and the rush to stop others doing it then? I love the way that people who have been parents for weeks or even just days seem to think they are experts in everything

9wk old baby when you're post c-section recovery & these people have stayed with you twice & done nothing to help you? I'm 100% with you! Your baby, your house, your choice who feeds him/her!

It definitely is a bonding, calm time & you need them to take enough milk. I was in exactly the same boat, post c-section, with a baby who point blank refused to breast feed & was quite fussy about who/how/where he bottle fed. In those early days I naively gave in to pressure from family members several times & had to watch an unsettled, hungry baby squirming around, not taking enough formula & gulping too much air, which would then throw off his schedule/sleep/mood etc afterwards.

Eventually I just firmly but politely told people that only his dad or I were feeding him right now & we would go off somewhere quiet if necessary. Some people understood, some were pissy, but I pretty quickly got to the point where I didn't care!

It really bloody annoyed me when people seemed to view feeding the baby as some sort of 'status symbol'. Ridiculous.

Stick to your guns - good luck!!

the problem with MN is it normalises and validates extreme behaviour. In the real world I don't know anyone who:

1. Refuses to let anyone feed their baby
2. Has a no visitors for the first week/month/year rule
3. Is in constant battle with their inlaws for petty reasons
4. Acts like and expects to be treated like a princess because she has a baby.
5. Is glued to the baby and refuses to be separated from it.

The lack of critical thought in the lazy Your Baby, Your Rules mantra means that in theory,even the most ridiculous demands are OK because YBYR.

When my oldest was small, any of the points above would be regarded as pointers to PND but now there is scant regard for mum's mental health because of the baby-led advice encourages chaos, lack of sleep and obsessive behavior.

This isn’t an AIBU. OP is totally set in her conviction and isn’t interested in alternative views. She’s angry with her MIL and wants the catharsis of a row but can’t have one in real life, so she’s sought it here instead. Perfectly fair enough but it does mean that pp posting in good faith are wasting their time.

Really confused as to why OP posted on AIBU.