To not let other people feed my FF baby?

Hardly the same thing!

This thread is from 2023.

I expect the OP has got over it by now.

I loved being able to share my babies with other family members-it made me very happy. Babies belong in families if at all possible-either real or found families.

I was fed this line by midwives and health visitors that only mum and dad's should feed the baby and no one else should be allowed to allow bonding.

I ignored it and happily let grandparents and friends feed my baby, hold them etc. Absolutely no impact on bonding, I got a break and my son has a lovely bond with his grandparents. He doesn't seem to have been traumatised or suffered any sort of attachment issues through this.

I think it's complete nonsense how there is more and more pressure and guidelines given to parents which in turn just isolates them more from people. In many cultures and throughout history, new mums have always been supported by their community to help bring up a baby. I can't see how any of this "no one else can hold/feed/change/look after the baby apart from the parents" is anyone's best interests.

This.. I totally agree.. I feel the same. This is my 3rd baby and I wasn't like this with my first two but this little one was born 10 weeks early and spent the first 6 weeks in hospital. He is now 5 months old but only came off a feeding tube last week so we are only 1 week into full oral feeds and my MIL has just asked to feed him. I feel awful saying no but I have missed so much bonding time with him, and it is still early days with bottles, I'm not ready for other people to take part in such a big bonding experience yet, unless it is my partner of course. I hope I don't continue to feel like this though because I do feel like mum-zilla but I guess I'm still hurting from the trauma and maybe this is my way of dealing with it. When he was in the NICU I was convinced he didn't know I was his mum because I didn't get to spend enough time with him. I didn't get to feed him much because I had to do the school runs for my eldest and keep things normal for her, I'd be lucky of I got to do one in the few hours I got to spend with him before I had to go. It's really hard but I acknowledge that for Dad it must of been hard on him too. He barely got to see him much either. It was such an awful time and now we are home I think I just want to be left alone.. its nothing personal to anyone on any level. I just want to make up for lost time I had with baby. I guess there's some guilt in there somewhere that I couldn't keep him safer for longer whilst pregnant.

It works for the vast majority of humans who bf so why would a family that bottle feed be intrinsically worse off? It’s revolting to tell a woman who has actually done this that you who haven’t know better how it impacted her and hers.

Well yeah, it worked well for him anyway 😂

MN is batshit when it comes to newborns. You see posts all the time which show you just can't win...

"People want to visit 2 months PP, how intrusive"
"People don't want to visit 2 months PP, they don't care about the baby"
"MiL offers to help with the baby, but only me and DH are permitted to do XYZ with the baby. She should do housework instead "
"MiL has come around and started cleaning, how offensive, does she think we live in squalor"

Then a year down the line, wondering where their "village" is and why noones interested in their child.

So you're ok for her to take the bins out but not feed your baby?
Nice.

Ba, you want to feed your baby, you feed your baby, others can help doing other things while you sit down and take it easy. They can sterilize the bottles if they want a part of it. Can't imagine wanting to bottle feed someone else's baby myself to be honest. There are months and years ahead for people to help in a more hands on way with the baby/child

No we have 2 others so he was on duty with them whilst I sorted the baby. The baby is now 10 months old and I’ve done every night feed too. Works well for us anyway

I don’t see the issue

I agree with this...100%

I completely get where you’re coming from! I’m EBF, so no one has the option to feed my baby, but my MIL came to stay when baby was 2 weeks old and all she wanted to do was hold him, didn’t once offer to change a nappy or anything remotely helpful. And yes, I’m not the biggest fans of my in-laws, but my mum will go out of her way to be helpful whereas they don’t have that same inclination!

I’m very surprised at the amount of posts here that suggest you are being precious or unreasonable. No one outside of you and your partner, even grandmas, should expect to have any rights to undertake any of the intimate caring for your baby and I think they would be the unreasonable ones to do so. They had their time. Now their role is to support and care for you imo. If you want them to do so then fine. I also happen to think (possibly controversial here) that a mother/daughter relationship has an intimacy (often) that may well mean that maternal grandmas might get special or first access to treasured parts of child rearing. I’d like to think that paternal grandmothers would be (secure and mature to be) able to accept that. Obviously that might not apply in all cases. I realise that.
OP, I had my first baby over 21 years ago. I was absolutely bound up with my baby. I do think it was good for me to challenge myself (I needed to!) to also let my husband form his relationship with his daughter and that included some hands on trial and error. If there’s any advice I’d give you it would be to bear that in mind. I found it hard to begin with though.
Personally my MH would have benefited from increased amounts of supportive company, maybe someone to hold baby to allow me to shower, and help to learn to manage baby with the rest of life. Not someone who turned up to do the bits I treasured.

OP please ignore the bashers. These early days are crucial at forming your bond, you are only acting on instinct, thats why breastfeeding is so great at boosting all the oxytocin etc etc which is good for both you and baby as it protects this precious bonding time.

Many people on MN get v sensitive over MILs and come running to their defence with little consideration for the OP’s very valid and very normal feelings (probs because they are salty MILs themselves)!!

So my advice is do what makes you comfortable. Just tell MIL that for now you’d rather do the feeding but you’d really appreciate help with X, Y and Z. Enjoy these early days and block out the BS.

I mean it's up to you (and your DH), but it seems an odd stance to take to me.

Goodness. I'm sorry but you are being ridiculous!

Let her do it!

Why would she want to take the brig fish out instead?

But the point is the OP doesn't want her husband to feed his baby!

Some of these comments are ridiculous 😆

It's not a big deal, let her feed the baby if it means a lot to her, and definitely have your husband do it more , you can't expect him to get it right if he doesn't get to do it.

YANBU it’s your baby, your choice.

Don't be silly, that's not the poster said at all.
She was responding to my thread, which I stand by completely. All the baby-led 'guidelines' were around long before Covid. And as I said upthread, will be responsible for a maternal mental health crisis and a rise in divorces. it is not sustainable.

I don’t “cringe” at all about being the only one to feed my babies, nor do I “go along” with whatever is demanded of me in case I’m PFB. So many spiteful little posts. If this is what being a mother is like now I feel so sorry for new mums. I think you sound like a loving caring mum @Commentsonpic and your instincts sound good, trust them.

Haha... nothing to do with COVID, lack of possibility to play outdoors due to too many cars, too much commercial childcare at an early age, too much screen time, or social media then?

Mental health problems in children must definitely must be because grandma wasn't allowed to give a bottle to a 9 week old!

Pretty normal in my world... Even now children are older we very rarely go out together without them. Definitely didn't before about a year. I didn't even leave them with their dad for more than hour before they were 6 months. Breastfeeding, also no family local.