So this thing where people don't read or respond to messages, I tried it. AIBU that it seems like quite hard work to me?

Ah, I see. On an iPhone, once you open the app the notification goes so it’s no misleading me that someone’s messaged me.

Archive is swipe left for me.

I can be a little guilty of this with messages, but it's normally because when I contact someone or reply to a message I put the phone down to carry on what I'm doing, BING, they come straight back, I reply again, BING, another question, replay again with no follow up needed and, BING, another message, and so on..

If I know someone is going to get straight back to me and split their message up into lots of different messages, or drip feed, or have a lot to say, I tend to wait until I've got a spare hour where I can do that, unfortunately I end up putting it off as we both work full time with a toddler and dogs, and if I'm with DH I don't like to be on the phone as it eats into 'our' time which is quite limited as it is.

I MUCH prefer a conversation, I never ignore my phone if someone rings me, rather than a message that I can sit on for a few hours or days, you can cover more ground on the phone quickly and more importantly you can speak while doing other things like working, dog walking or chores etc.

I don't mean this as a dig at you OP but someone intentionally ignoring messages to keep the person hanging on is a bit weird, like some sort of power play.

It doesn't bother me having notifications on my phone.. this is the person that currently has 12,547 unopened emails.

There is zero defensiveness from other posters.

But you're pretending to not notice or think you shouldn't reply and only not ùdoing so to try and prove some weird point.

You're finding it 'hard work' because you're making it so.

There's nothing hard about it.

I often read messages but don't answer for a while so I don't have the notification hanging around.

This is me, 3462 unread emails and 287 texts (not WhatsApp) 😂.

@canyouimaginethis my WhatsApp only gives me notifications for new messages and once I open the app the little red things disappears from the Home Screen whether I’ve read it or not.
Do you have a iPhone?

It's harder for you because you're fighting your true nature. Those who do it presumably find it easier or they wouldn't do it in the first place.

Sorry, I didn’t feel I was being defensive.

In answer to your question, it really doesn’t annoy me, which is why it’s how I use my phone. For another person who it would annoy, that’s why they would use their phone differently, such as you do.

I was more asking does it not annoy you having the notifitcation there and having to keep open the phone thinking it''s something else.

As bad many people including me don't even notice the notification & only check whatsapp periodically.

My issue is, if I reply straight away, they’ll probably reply straight away too, so we’re stuck in a back and forth for hours. I don’t have a lot of free time so that can really bug me if it means my ‘to do’ list just sits there.

AIBU that keeping people hanging like this is annoying and actually harder work over the long term than just opening the damn thing and sending a reply

I just can't believe you think this is a deliberate strategy and not plain old being disorganised or forgetful or trying to think of what you want to say

That's mad!

I know what the OP means though. I frequently ignore or mute groups chats or advertisements. And I wouldn’t ever feel I had to reply immediately.

But I do think when good friends routinely don’t reply to contact it’s pretty lame and rude. If someone you know well messages you with some sort of call to action and you just leave it it’s a bit of a fuck you.

I have an old friend who is really notorious at not bothering to reply to messages even things to do with plans etc. When she gets called on it she will be all “you know me I’m flaky”.

But it’s a deliberate act isn’t it? To refuse to bother to do something that takes under 30 seconds to reassure a friend. It’s one thing occasionally but all the time is just rude.

I think what happens is, they read the message at an inconvenient time. Then forget you sent it. And a few days/a week later, they remember you messaged them and then they reply? 🤷🏻‍♀️
I also like to respond right away when i read it. If im busy, then i dont read it, because when i do then the new message thing disappears and i will forget i received the message.

People are busy and many (including me) have incredibly busy lives and some things have to give like WhatsApp. I’d rather meet and chat in real life.

People who don't respond instantly aren't usually doing it to make people wait. It's because they are busy and only look at messages occasionally. I sometimes read a message quickly and then think I will reply when I have more time, that could be tonight or a few days.

It’s more that when I get to WhatsApp (often at the end of the day) I may well have 50 messages of various importance. I read them quickly and honestly mean to respond to the friendly but not important/urgent ones. But the ones about the Scout Group needing a parent or tonight’s meeting is off override the ‘how are you?’ ones.

It's not in my headspace I'm talking about how it's interfering with my use of whatsapp because I keep thinking someone new has messaged me.

Has no one else messaged you though? I have 5 chats going at the mo, with about 20 unread messages. Only noticed because if this thread.

I have no idea whether or not your a bitch

but from what you say about you always instigating contact and them being slow to respond… it does indicate they feel differently about you than you them. You think differently?