So this thing where people don't read or respond to messages, I tried it. AIBU that it seems like quite hard work to me?

Interesting post. As a variable responder I can say sometimes I don’t answer for a while because:

1)My mind is fried/PMT and I can’t think of anything relevant or interesting enough to be worth their time. I could 😂 or whatever but that seems a bit dismissive.
2)I start to reply then someone wants me for something else so I forget to go back and finish.
3)I read it late then I go to sleep and forget it’s there.
4)they want an opinion, or to arrange something, and I need peace to think it over/check details.
5) I am too busy to properly engage and know if I open it I’ll need to jump in.

its never because of lack of love (cos people I don’t like don’t have my number). If it was left unread it would likely be because of 4) or 5).

My oldest brother is a keen messager and always complaining about my lack of last seen and blue ticks on WhatsApp. Personally, I prefer to use it as being like email rather than a constant ongoing convo. Not saying this is you OP, you sound rational and a good communicator, but I do think instant messaging brings out the panicky side in some people who take the instant bit rather literally. I don’t have notifications so it’s not an issue. I am also a child of the eighties so still occasionally think
‘if it’s vital can you not just ring me!’

Archive the message and then you won't see it (I still check my archive )

15,000 unread emails. An unread whatsapp is not going to register.

But I turned off notifications on my phone for whatsapp - and if you do that, you’ll find it much easier to not see messages too 😁

In fact, OP, why don't you instead try and come up with some reasons why people might not respond for a while? That would be more enlightening and useful for you than whatever it is you're doing now. This is a genuine suggestion btw, not snark. Try and list reasons why someone might take hours, days or weeks to respond to a non-urgent whatsapp message.

I found a half typed text message I was sending my sister a few weeks ago . I obviously had got distracted and thought I had sent it 🤷‍♀️

I didn't say it was a problem. I said that there's not some mysterious thing that you're gonna discover, like, "ahaa, THIS is why people don't always reply quickly!". The reasons people don't respond quickly are myriad, endless really. The only way you'd discover a reason for yourself to not reply quickly would be if something came up in your life, or changed longterm, that meant you couldn't, or didn't like to. Do you see? You're just coming across rather snarky, like "Oh, I'm just trying out being rude, like my friend. Why can she do it but not me?". That's how your posts are reading. There's nothing to discover by deliberately not responding quickly.

Doesn’t bother me either. I currently have 3,118 unread emails, which makes DH itch but literally doesn’t register when I see it on my phone screen. You’re either a notification clearer or you’re not, and I don’t think you can switch sides.

No you're not.

You're bothered that she hasn't replied to you quick enough, you're assuming that means she doesn't care/doesn't know what real friendship is/ whatever nonsense you're assuming and you're trying to 'give her a taste of her own medicine'. It obviously isn't suiting you since you're obsessing over it to the point you're making a post on MN about how much 'hard work' it is not to reply.

You're being a passive aggressive twat and the post you just made is dripping in it.

oh my god no.. facetiming someone who isn't expecting it is just rude.. almost like walking into someone's house without knocking!

Everyone will stop replying & ignore the OP now so the thread will just go the same way as her whatsapp 😆

I don't understand why people don't just open a WhatsApp message and then not reply. Why purposely avoid reading it or read it without opening it?

Why is it seen as less rude to not open it and not reply then to open it and not reply?!

You're letting your phone control you and that's why this is a struggle for you. Technology should be your slave, not your master. It shouldn't bother you to the extent that you are drawing conclusions about power plays or relationship dynamics. In addition, the fact you even have time to do that might be worth looking at.

Why should that be a problem?

You're the one who started the thread...

I hate having notifications hanging around. Until I read your posts, I didn't realise how much. You've both made me feel a little peculiar at the thought. 😂 I feel the need to come and tidy them up. 😁

Oh I see

so are you wanting her to see that you didn't read it - even though you kind of have?

I'm just trying out her version of our friendship to see how it suits me. Genuinely. If it's ok for her to do it it's ok for me to do it so I'm giving it a go to see what I'm missing.

This is so weird 😆

But you're not missing anything! Your friend does this for reasons known only t her. Could be anything. There's not some secret benefit to responding to messages after a certain period of time. Are you essentially just irritated that some of your friends don't respond as quickly as you'd like them to?

I can't ignore my whatsapp unfortunately as I use it for work and have to check it a lot.

Surely you can imagine this isn't the case for everyone though?

In my opinion this question falls into the category of questions that can only be answered: everyone is different. People are different, live different lives, use their phones differently, have different daily environments and demands, etc. That's the only answer. Some people find it stressful having to respond immediately (I'm one of them), while other, like you, find it stressful knowing you've got a message sitting there not being answered. It's not deeper than that really.

Everything seems to turn weird in MN these days.

I'm useless at WhatsApp, why is the notification still there if you've read it?

I’m someone that seems flaky I think at the moment. I genuinely can’t keep up with my phone. I moved away from
friends some years ago when I relocated and have a young child, busy senior job and am living in a house renovation. I also have an elderly horse who’s yard is closing and life is absolute chaos trying to get basic life done and keep everyone alive.

I read messages straightaway but then I take forever to write a reply as I rarely get 2 mins to think. I have a zillion messages that relate to the non friend part of my life, friends are always bottom sadly. I do try but honestly I am exhausted.