To want my son to go to a higher achieving Uni?

If you are being expected to subsidise him in any way, then of course you should have a say.

@AllegraWalterJones what would you consider on par with Oxbridge?

No, I'm talking about the posters who drop pithy one liners like 'nobody cares once you go into the workplace!' These are not in the balanced debate category, like myself who have never said that standing doesn't matter. It IS one of many factors, rather than something to be discounted entirely. The degree to which it matters, as you rightly said, varies.

R.e Durham - it's the only non-Oxbridge to have the collegiate system and uses it to sell itself as on par. But, erm, it's really not.

What I don't get is that the OP was originally thinking "erm. I think my son is making a big mistake" and then the OP is like "oh well. He chose Aberystwyth a week ago and didn't tell us. How good of him!!". Like I understand OP changing their mind about Aberystwyth. But I was surprised about the happiness that he made a major life decision without consulting or telling you.

Tinkerbyebye · Yesterday 14:23
Snobbish or what! He’s old enough to make his own choice, and if that’s Aberystwyth then that’s where he goes.

I don't really agree with this. In theory he's an adult, yes, but in practice young people just don't have the life experience to make the best choice for themselves. Not suggesting telling him what to do, but at least have a sit-down discussion with him and put all the options/issues to him which might not even have crossed his radar.

So many considerations I wasn't even aware of at age 18 - which have certainly affected my life-choices since then.

...but this is a conversation about SPECIFICALLY Aberystwyth versus SPECIFICALLY NOT Oxbridge and, as it turns our, very specifically IR. This is not about turning down Oxbridge.

FWIW , I think many on MN try to start often quite neutral threads about eg Aberystwyth ( as I once did) and these can get invaded by posters with agendas. In my own experience it was the snobs rather than the inverted ones :even though DS1 was of humble academic prowess people still suggested Aberystwyth was unworthy. And, to be frank, it was actively upsetting.

Let us not also forget the 'he should go and be a plumber instead' crowd...

The other thing is that posters seem to think it's the 'privileged' pushing their DC into prestigious careers.

I don't think that at all. Although I think there is an element of following the example of the parents perhaps?

DH grew up in a very poor single parent family, and he is obsessed with making money. He says he never wants to be poor again.

If someone's DC were to in theory turn down an Oxbridge offer to go to Aberystwyth say. Is that still the DC's choice and the parents shouldn't influence it?

I would say that the Oxbridge is everything posters on MN are at least equalled in number if not drowned out by the inverted snobs who claim that they are vastly overrated as institutions

I agree there are probably more of the latter than the former - maybe some inverted snobbery but also I think just gutted not to be a part of it and a bit jealous. My faves are the posters who give dire warnings about private school students "shunning" Oxbridge when what they're really moaning about is they're not good enough to get in these days.

I would say that the Oxbridge is everything posters on MN are at least equalled in number if not drowned out by the inverted snobs who claim that they are vastly overrated as institutions and that everyone they have ever known who went to either place has had a breakdown, was abjectly miserable throughout, couldn't get a grad job and generally doesn't know how to relate to other human beings.

@Guiltridden12345 I assume they aren't paying fees but are helping with living costs.

I have heard great stories about Aber which has quite the reputation for a happy university experience. But yes, I would talk it through with him, not so you can change his mind but to offer him a wider world view to inform his own choices. if I were paying the fees (are you?) I would think I had more ‘right’ to have an open discussion about his choice but ultimately it’s got to be his decision.

I've been here from the start and actually those views are a minority.

I agree - it can feel like a common view but it's always the same handful of posters, often with outdated information from several years ago, and seemingly more interested in dropping in that their daughter is a barrister or that they are rich enough to fully fund university for several children 🙄

I disagree that the "university standing doesn't matter" people are just as bad though - I think that tends to be more along the lines of - with so many variables you just have to weigh up all the pros and cons and make the best decision you can with the information available.

There's a lot of luck involved in picking a university imo - you don't know who else is going to be on your course, it's very difficult to figure out what the teaching will be like, you can visit a city but still not really know what it would be like to live there, it's a bit of a leap of faith.

Apropos of nothing, one thing I am always puzzled about re MN and unis is why Durham is so revered - I mean I know it's a good university, but it seems far, far more popular than say UCL which is also great. I get that it has colleges and people might see a benefit to that, but so do York and Lancaster. I get that it's in a small and beautiful city but so are eg York and Bath. Yet Durham seems to be way more popular than any of these. What is its secret? DS wanted a course that Durham don't offer and has gone elsewhere, but DD (Y12) might be interested - is it worth the several hundred mile trip to have a look and if so, why?

It can often be easier to start in London and either get transferred out on a smaller salary drop. Or take the money you've saved and buy a much more liveable property than what you can get in London.
I chose to start over outside London as the grad scheme salaries were only a couple of thousand different anually... and did really well but many others do as the above.
Plus in my industry hybrid and homeworking has always been a thing.

oops, that was for @RampantIvy !

The other thing is that posters seem to think it's the 'privileged' pushing their DC into prestigious careers.

I have found it's the other way around. Those who don't need to earn, and who'll get deposits from Mummy and Daddy anyway have a lot more freedom to travel, try other things. Plus, they're unlikely to end up unemployed because Mummy and Daddy can help them get jobs too!

Those who 'have' to earn a living can't afford to be picky. Especially with the greater burden of graduate roles r.e. the recent changes...

It is! I'm 20 years out of Durham and only one of my friends went this route. They moved out of London after about 5 years.

I've been here from the start and actually those views are a minority.
There has, however been a balanced discussion on the impact university choices have on future prospects.
The 'university standing doesn't matter at all' posters are just bad as the 'ranking or die' that you've described.

@RampantIvy I was not being critical. Was just relaying my experience of talking to our undergrads. However, I teach social sciences in London so it might makes sense about them aiming for the city. Am assuming that in other dept a lot more people are aiming for tech companies/biotech stuff.....But yes, am rather biased when it comes to London because thats where I teach

Well, for a start not everyone wants to live and work in London.
What about all the STEM graduates?
Loads of young people want careers in engineering, the sciences or allied to health care. What about teaching or the arts?
It's a very narrow view to assume that everyone wants to just have a city job. Without doctors, scientists, architects, engineers and a whole load of other careers where would we be?

DS got a 1st in maths from a “former polytechnic”. It included a sandwich year so on graduation he was able to apply for jobs requiring experience. His first job broke their habit of employing RG grads. Early on, they were explaining something technical to him, he said “sorry, I’m not trying to be funny, I already know how to do that”, they probed, found he did indeed know, and said they’d never had a starter before that they hadn’t had to explain it to. Then he found himself explaining to a RG maths graduate why you might want to use a median and not a mean - a totally new concept to them - they’d been taught how to calculate it but not why.

So for someone not wanting to follow the production line to a City job, certainly look wider than RG, and look for things like good links to industry and sandwich opportunities. (There’s nothing like a good sandwich placement for helping you understand why you’re learning all this seemingly abstract stuff)

A friends son did this.Not Aberystwyth but chose a less prestigious uni over a RG city one for the course it offered. He had coasted a bit at school but still got good grades and offers.Turned out to be the best thing.He got really engaged.Came out with a first and has a great job.Plus he's a lovely, articulate and confident young man.He barely spoke as a teenager!

I commented to one of my DC yesterday on the incredibly eclectic set of friends she had from Oxford - an extraordinarily diverse range of careers. Oxford (and Cambridge, and other top unis) is pretty good for creating a range of choices, even if year after year the second years feel peer pressured into applying for the rite of passage vac schemes. Some end up in those firms, plenty find the experience not at all what they are looking for. I've always championed choice for my DC and it's arguable that the better the university the greater the choice. Probably not to be sniffed at. There's a lot of life after those three or fours years still to go.

So nice to hear, thank you. DD1 is certainly clever enough for Oxbridge but will likely go to Cardiff - it's really good for her course, which Oxford don't even do and Cambridge wanted A Level Maths. I am so happy for her to go there but it's still reassuring to read this.

@MidlifeWhatNow What do you think they aspire to instead? My students all seem very set on the top uni, top internship, top grad programme, then city etc. In fact, they seem more determined than ever. But I appreciate that I work in a top London uni so might be different elsewhere