To feel upset that husband gets wasted every time we go out...

Not unreasonable, I would feel the same way.

Being annoyed with a pal who drinks too much is totally different than a dh causing serious problems for his wife and kids. I wasn't talking about annoyance l was talking about problem drinking that causes serious difficulties in a home. He is an alcoholic as he has no off button once he starts plus the above.

If think you need to reframe your understanding of alcoholism. It doesn't matter if he does not do it often. This isn't what moderate responsible drinking looks like. This is problem drinking. He has a problem with alcohol if doesn't know when to stop and pisses over furniture because he doesn't even know what room he is in. Most people like this would have realised themselves by now that alcohol isn't doing them any favours. You say you've had enough, but have you? He clearly doesn't think you have otherwise he wouldn't still be doing this.

I agree that you should film him.

Show him his shameful behaviour when he is sober

YANBU. British mens drinking habits are so disgusting to me. Not wanting a beer gut binge drinker reduces the pool significantly lol. It's almost funny how abysmal they are.

YANBU but by marrying him and staying with him so long you have accepted his behaviour and told him so, so of course he’s going to keep doing it 🤷‍♀️

Yes, but his behaviour shouldnt induce horrible anxiety and dread in you every time you go out together as a couple or to a place where alcohol will be served.

Have you ever filmed him on a night out and showed him what he's really like? Sometimes people need to see what they think is "harmless" behaviour to really appreciate what those around them are dealing with. How does he act the next day?- does he deny urinating or does he apologise? I think if he accepts that he behaves like a dick it will be much easier to have a talk about it versus him denying he did anything wrong. I think the latter attitude is going to be much harder to navigate and is often the case when alcohol is involved- denial is very powerful when it comes to issues with alcohol.

He is an alcoholic, for the reasons others have stated.

i had one of these, i put up with it for so long, i was young, naive and immature, if it was these days i would have run a mile.

in the end i gave him an ultimatum. Honestly, its no way to live.

Thankfully he stopped drinking.

My dh binge drinks, not to the extreme that yours does but I find it irritating. Likewise, once he starts he has no off button but gets to the repetitive stage or will get like a dog with a bone over a topic and won't shut up. He can also say cringy things.

I worry that he is slowly killing himself as drinking 16-18 units in one night is just so damaging. He also gets stomach issues sometimes after a heavy weekend.

For us we also don't have a lot of spare cash so that can be impacting.

We've been together a long time and when we got together I was similar in my approach to drinking, although he's always been worse. It's like I have grown up and he hasn't. I still drink 1-2 a week.

Are you OK OP? I imagine it's a horrible morning for you. Not just washing everything in the drawer
. Which isn't your job but Im sure somehow is

Absolutely this.

If someone is descriped as "a problem drinker" on here (and elsewhere of course), it's because of preconceived (incorrect) concept of what an alcoholic is, or plain and simple denial.

Half of the people who attend AA are “binge” drinkers. You don’t have to drink daily to be an alcoholic

Yup. The DSM did away with the term "alcoholic" due to the stigma around it and the false perceptions that unless you are drinking in the morning you're "fine". Its now called "alcohol use disorder" (AUD) with mild, moderate, and severe sub-classifications.
He would therefore definitely fit that description as problematic binge drinking causes massive distress for both the person, and their families/friends.

If he cannot moderate his drinking then he needs to stop drinking completely. There is no middle ground here or limiting it to just one or two- he has shown repeatedly that he is simply unable to have just one or two, if he was, he wouldnt be getting smashed every single time he has a drink. If it were me, I'd be telling him he needs to stop drinking completely and if he doesnt, I would have to think about ending the relationship. Urinating in his child's bedroom is appalling and the children will be negatively affected by that- growing up with someone who drinks like that is hugely destructive and damaging.

Oh @Meltinthemiddle that's horrible.

And today you have the physical evidence of just how bad his behaviour has been, which you can show him and he can not only clear it all up but can't argue about what he's done.

One of you has to be sober enough to look after the DC in the night if they are ill. If that happened and your DH is a danger to himself because he's plastered then you can't look after them all. He needs a massive wakeup call

What a massive turn off. He's behaving like a 20 year old student and needs to grow up.
The pissing think would be it for me.

He is an alcoholic.

Alcoholic dont always drink in the morning, every day or every week. An alcoholic is someone who cannot control their drinking.

Anyone who is or knows an alcoholic (recovering or otherwise) will tell you the same.

I was like him for many years. It caused a lot of problems, accidents, trips to A&E, causing offence to friends, embarrassment at work, arguments. I didn’t feel responsible because I couldn’t remember most of the things that happened and I didn’t do them on purpose. It felt like I was discussing someone different when my friends told me how I behaved. And it was fairly infrequent, once or twice a month as I didn’t drink in between. But I started to think about stopping because my young DD would get anxious when I went out and ask me not to drink alcohol. And the final straw happened when I got paralytic at a family party and my Mum had a massive go at me the next day. She was furious and told me every home truth under the sun, about how embarrassing and selfish I was, a bad Mum. I really needed to hear that, so many others had just told me not to worry every time I messed up because I was always contrite. Some friends found me funny when drunk so encouraged it. I stopped drinking altogether 3 years ago. And it has helped me in so many ways. I think you need to be really harsh and give your husband a massive wake up call. Make him feel really ashamed for pissing in his son’s draws, he deserves it, don’t let him off. Good luck.

Video him.

It could be a wake up call, or useful in a custody batter.

Binge drinking is a type of alcoholism.

Some people can’t just have a few, it’s all or nothing. I’m one of them and so I just don’t drink at all any more. Life is better now 🤗

Pissing in your child's room would be a line in the sand for me.
Given that you've talked about this many times I would be expecting him to take it seriously enough now to set himself a lifetime 2 drinks max limit and if he doesn't agree then divorce

So sorry you’re having to deal with this OP, you’re absolutely not being unreasonable.

I think especially being a father, it’s really pathetic to get wasted like that ever, let alone regularly.

I had a boyfriend like that years ago, it was awful. He thought it was hilarious, so I tried to film him to show him when he was sober the next day. He was surrounded by enabling friends (and family!) though and they made me feel like I was being out of order questioning it.

years later, my now DH rarely drinks more than a glass or two, it’s so nice. We have fun but then can get on with our lives the next day and he is always prepared should there be a crisis (we have two young DC)

I think generally British drinking culture is improving with less people doing it to excess, it’s seriously uncool and unsexy when people still do it!

a friend of mine and her DH went to therapy about his regular drinking and things really improved for them, so that could be worth considering.

good luck x

I couldn’t say whether he’s an alcoholic, but he definitely is someone who doesn’t know his limit and pissing in your sons room is hideous. He knows this is a problem for you, but he keeps doing it and isn’t prepared to change his behaviour. That is the problem. My DH can sometimes go too far (has never pissed in the house though!!) but he knows if I “suggest” he has a Diet Coke, it’s time to stop and he will then switch to soft drinks. I would be making sure that he cleans up his revolting mess and I’d be having a very serious conversation about my marriage.

OP you should video him and show him what he looks like.