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Original poster

to think 25 year olds shouldn't be hanging around with 18 year olds?

208 replies

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:20

My daughter is 18 and has plenty of friends a similar age to her (the oldest is 21). However, there's this 25, almost 26 year old who seems to be integrating with her and her friends an awful lot. She is often there on nights out with, has been at sleepovers, etc. it's rather strange to me. What I like even less is it's not like she is particularly delayed for her age (she lives on her own etc) and often DD and her friends will be at her place or 2 of DD's friends are sixth formers/in college and she has picked them up from literally school before. I just find it all a little strange. I can't see what a 26 year old has in common with teenagers.

OP posts:
Rewis · 14/05/2023 08:56

I can understand why on the surface it might seem a bit odd. And it really isn't the same as 68yo and 75yo being friends. However, I'm 33 and I just recently had a few friends from a joint hobby over for drinks. They were 20-23. We have stuff in common and had just organised an event so seemed totally natural. Same when my other hobby group has something going on there is a lot of variation in ages. Sometimes it is just the teens and one geriatric (over 30) and sometimes it's all variety.

WhatNoRaisins · 14/05/2023 08:49

I would have found it weird staying the night with someone that young who still lived with parents at age 25.

UndercoverCop · 14/05/2023 08:49

I started working in a bar at 18 when I was at sixth form, and waitressed in a restaurant before that, lots of people there were older than me and the friendship divisions were more about who had DC/husbands etc than age. I met my best friend there I was 18 she was 24, we just clicked and got on like a house on fire, twenty years on she was my maid of honour, and God mother to my son, I am soon to be her matron of honour and we're going away with our partners in the summer. Her fiancé is ten years older than her, so 16 years older than me, and 15 years older than DH we all get along brilliantly.
You're making an issue over nothing.

Florenz · 14/05/2023 08:48

Are they still "sleepovers" when it's young adults having an evening at one of their parents homes and staying the night there?

Florenz · 14/05/2023 08:45

What's the upper age limit to be friends with an 18 year old without it being weird? Is there an age you get to when it's fine to be friends with anyone of any age or is there always a limit?

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 14/05/2023 08:45

I really don't think its odd. When I was 18, my friends varied in age from 18 to 28. What we had in common was the same local pub and fact that we were all single. We used to go all over the country together. The 28yo woman was the eldest, she was the sister of a couple of the men in the friendship group. Most of her uni friends had settled with husbands and children so she hung with us.🤷‍♀️

WhatNoRaisins · 14/05/2023 08:44

Also I'd find it really odd as an adult to be going to a friend's house and having sleepovers when they are still living with their parents.

In a mixed friendship group with adults as young as 18 I'd expect the younger ones to go along with the older ones activities like going to the pub or a sports group. Not the older adults tagging along with younger ones, it just feels off.

LolaSmiles · 14/05/2023 08:43

Whats this concept of 'different life stage' and it being problematic

Because there's a world of difference between a woman in her mid 20s and a teenager in 6th form. It's the same reason many people would have a different response if the 25 year old in this thread was a man.

Whilst most of us don't have a problem with being friends with people older or younger than us (after all that happens in life as we all know), I doubt many of us would seek to integrate ourselves into an existing friendship group of 6th formers/undergraduate age students after talking to one of the group online.

I can't imagine wanting to have a sleepover with teenagers when I was in my mid 20s. I certainly can't imagine wanting to pick some 6th formers up to chill at my house when I was 25.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 14/05/2023 08:42

LolaSmiles · 14/05/2023 08:16

I don't know why people are saying it's more weird that they met online
I totally accept I might be a bit over-cautious because of my job, but I would be advising caution on any adult at a different life stage befriending teens online and integrating themselves into a much younger friendship group like this.

There's something about an adult in their mid 20s befriending teenagers, integrating into a group of 6th formers/recent leavers, picking them up from college, having sleepovers and having these young adults round their house that doesn't sit well with me.

I'd feel differently if it was something like they met through a sports group online and have started doing some sessions at a local pitch/club, or if they did some sort of gaming thing and met up at a local/regional event, and the adult in their mid 20s had their own life and friendship group along side.

Why are you assuming she deliberately set out to meet teenagers?Confused

IMO it's more likely that they just got talking, realised they all lived locally and met up because they knew they had something in common, and it developed from there.

I've got friends of all ages I met online and we now spend time together in person - to me it's just as organic as if I'd met them down the pub or out on a dog walk 🤷‍♀️

KimberleyClark · 14/05/2023 08:42

Dacadactyl · 14/05/2023 08:10

I think it's totally weird too.

Perhaps this older woman is emotionally immature or something.

This. If it was a 26 year old man wanting to hang out with 18 year old girls the replies would be completely different!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 14/05/2023 08:42

I was working part time at 16 and by age 17 was going on nights out with all of the staff, nearly 20 odd years later I'm still friends with one or two who are a bit older than me.
Also niche hobbies like gaming can draw people from a range of ages due to their shared interest.
As long as you aren't suspecting signs of drug use or they're out getting smashed all the time I don't see a problem at all.

Paperlate · 14/05/2023 08:38

I didn't know you could only be friends with people your own age.

inamarina · 14/05/2023 08:38

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:35

I suppose it's more strange to me that DD has a group of friends all around her age and this woman is closer to 30 and part of that group, vs them both just having a full range of friends that are different ages. So as this group is together a lot, it's just a bit strange.

How is she closer to 30? Being 25 she’s technically closer to the 21 year old in your daughter’s friend group.
I shared a flat with a 27 and a 28 year old when I was 21. A couple years older than your daughter, but a similar age difference, and we got on really well.

BodyKeepingScore · 14/05/2023 08:37

This wouldn't be an issue for me. At 18 years old, someone is legally considered an adult. At this age (and younger) I was very close to a female family friend with a similar age gap. Throughout my life I've had friends ranging a wide span of age groups. Your DD is almost as close to 25 as you consider this other woman to be to 30z

LivingDeadGirlUK · 14/05/2023 08:34

MuffinToSeeHere · 14/05/2023 07:51

That's not the same though because they met organically. If she had a friend who was 26 who had befriended her online and was now socialising with her in person you would probably be just as concerned as the OP.

Show quote history

Meeting through an online game is exactly the same as meeting through a hobby group.

katemulberrybush · 14/05/2023 08:33

I have a very good friend who is 6 years older than me. We met when i was 16. Still mates 30 years on

ApplesandOrangesandPears · 14/05/2023 08:29

I'm not saying that the girl is 'delayed' but I know quite a few people - mostly women actually - who are able to live independently and drive but have extremely low maturity levels. I went to school with them and would be friendly with them when I was about 18 - by the time I was 24 I'd outgrown them even though they were a good 6-8 years older than me.

Even if that's not the case, I personally wouldn't hang out with the 18 year olds I work with but I do get on well with some of them and have a laugh and joke with them so it's not inconceivable that it could happen.

Fencebreaker · 14/05/2023 08:29

I think you need to get a grip OP.

blahblahblah1654 · 14/05/2023 08:26

How ridiculous and paranoid. What exactly is the problem? Let your daughter have her friends and stop trying to control her social life. She's an adult now.

bellac11 · 14/05/2023 08:26

Whats this concept of 'different life stage' and it being problematic

So if OP's daughter met someone who was 18/19 but that person had a child already or was in full time work rather than college and had been for a couple of years or was married - that would be a problem?

What if the OPs daughter met someone on line of her own age and the person was trying to groom her (which seems to be implied that this is what people are concerned about)

tennesseewhiskey1 · 14/05/2023 08:23

You’re being a bit mean and making it weird. They have a common interest. I have friends way younger and way older. I’m mod thirties and have friends who are 69/70. What’s wrong with that?!

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 14/05/2023 08:20

Utter twaddle. Nothing wrong with it at all, she's an adult too and able to choose her friends.

NewShoes · 14/05/2023 08:18

Not odd at all. 18 years old is an adult!

LolaSmiles · 14/05/2023 08:16

I don't know why people are saying it's more weird that they met online
I totally accept I might be a bit over-cautious because of my job, but I would be advising caution on any adult at a different life stage befriending teens online and integrating themselves into a much younger friendship group like this.

There's something about an adult in their mid 20s befriending teenagers, integrating into a group of 6th formers/recent leavers, picking them up from college, having sleepovers and having these young adults round their house that doesn't sit well with me.

I'd feel differently if it was something like they met through a sports group online and have started doing some sessions at a local pitch/club, or if they did some sort of gaming thing and met up at a local/regional event, and the adult in their mid 20s had their own life and friendship group along side.

Dacadactyl · 14/05/2023 08:10

I think it's totally weird too.

Perhaps this older woman is emotionally immature or something.