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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think 25 year olds shouldn't be hanging around with 18 year olds?

208 replies

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:20

My daughter is 18 and has plenty of friends a similar age to her (the oldest is 21). However, there's this 25, almost 26 year old who seems to be integrating with her and her friends an awful lot. She is often there on nights out with, has been at sleepovers, etc. it's rather strange to me. What I like even less is it's not like she is particularly delayed for her age (she lives on her own etc) and often DD and her friends will be at her place or 2 of DD's friends are sixth formers/in college and she has picked them up from literally school before. I just find it all a little strange. I can't see what a 26 year old has in common with teenagers.

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 14/05/2023 09:54

perhaps all the 25 year olds are in relationships?

MammaTo · 14/05/2023 09:54

Yes I’d be wary.

She will probably be perfectly fine but even the concept of meeting up with someone who you met on an online game is weird to me - but I know people who have done this (and they are a little bit out there).

18 year old me and 25 year old me were 2 different girls.

She might prefer the social life of an 18 year old then people her own age, or she might not have friends her own age - but this raises the question of why?

Willmafrockfit · 14/05/2023 09:54

perhaps she is a young 25,
and the 18 year olds are trying to be more mature.

SpotsAreTheNewStripes · 14/05/2023 09:53

Really not an issue at all (and a bit ageist?)

JazbayGrapes · 14/05/2023 09:53

Depends what the friendship is about. You can easily share a common interest, do a particular activity, or be involved in a community across all age groups. Nothing strange here.

FrostyFifi · 14/05/2023 09:53

But... so what? What harm do you think will come of any of it?

Original poster
razzille · 14/05/2023 09:49

Never said nearly 30.

Alway said she was almost 26. I'm really not changing the age.

As I say, I don't know what it is that I'm exactly worried about but as PP have said, it's just uncomfortable the idea of a woman who is middle 20s finding joy in driving to a secondary school to pick up some sixth formers and bring them to her place, "sleepover" with them (I'm not sure if it's called that once an adult either but considering I see my DD as the teenager she is, I still call it that). I get the whole they're adults why does it matter but as I say, some of them were 17 not so long ago (and they knew her then too!) I just find it all a bit weird.

Especially as it seems like she doesn't have a group of friends her own age, obviously I don't know this for sure but considering she is always wish DD and her friend group, it seems unlikely.

OP posts:
Paperlate · 14/05/2023 09:48

ThatCampWitch · 14/05/2023 09:46

I’m 27. I’m a married mother. Personally I would really struggle to relate to 18 year olds on a friendship level. I wouldn’t find them my ‘peers.’ That is probably more about life stages though I guess.

The 25 year old in the OP is not a married mother though, so the fact you are is irrelevant.

ThatCampWitch · 14/05/2023 09:46

I’m 27. I’m a married mother. Personally I would really struggle to relate to 18 year olds on a friendship level. I wouldn’t find them my ‘peers.’ That is probably more about life stages though I guess.

boobot1 · 14/05/2023 09:45

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:35

I suppose it's more strange to me that DD has a group of friends all around her age and this woman is closer to 30 and part of that group, vs them both just having a full range of friends that are different ages. So as this group is together a lot, it's just a bit strange.

Yeah you keep inflating the age, shes 25, some of the group are 21 she is close in age to them, I dont see the problem though, they are friends, I have friends 20 years older than me.

Lindjam · 14/05/2023 09:43

Willmafrockfit · 14/05/2023 09:36

she is 25 in your post
then she is 26
then she is nearly 30

Yeah I alive how OP makes the friend older with every post. She’ll be nearing retirement by the end of this thread.

I was dating a 24 year old aged 18 and had a wide group of friends late teens/early twenties.

My DD made older friends she would go out with once she started working part time.

I honestly can’t see the problem unless there’s a huge drip feed coming that’s nothing to do with age.

FrostyFifi · 14/05/2023 09:43

Meeting online through gaming is meeting organically. I think some people finding that odd might be a bit older and out of touch?
Anyway, she's 18, a young adult, and can be friends with whoever she wishes.

JazbayGrapes · 14/05/2023 09:43

Why are some people pearl clutching over them meeting online.

People forget that we're third decade into the 21st century

PriamFarrl · 14/05/2023 09:40

Why are some people pearl clutching over them meeting online.

When I was 19 one of my closest friends was 15. We met through a magazine aimed at an interest. He ran a local group for the interest. We wrote to each other for a few months and then met in person as we were in the same city. Not so different to meeting online.

(That said we did keep our friendship completely separate to any other friends. I never met his friends and he didn’t meet mine)

JazbayGrapes · 14/05/2023 09:38

YABU. Once they're out of secondary education, people of all ages can mingle together.

Firstttimemama · 14/05/2023 09:38

As I 19 year old one of my best friends was 28. Met via work and are still as close almost 10 years later. YABVU

Willmafrockfit · 14/05/2023 09:36

she is 25 in your post
then she is 26
then she is nearly 30

bellac11 · 14/05/2023 09:31

LolaSmiles · 14/05/2023 08:43

Whats this concept of 'different life stage' and it being problematic

Because there's a world of difference between a woman in her mid 20s and a teenager in 6th form. It's the same reason many people would have a different response if the 25 year old in this thread was a man.

Whilst most of us don't have a problem with being friends with people older or younger than us (after all that happens in life as we all know), I doubt many of us would seek to integrate ourselves into an existing friendship group of 6th formers/undergraduate age students after talking to one of the group online.

I can't imagine wanting to have a sleepover with teenagers when I was in my mid 20s. I certainly can't imagine wanting to pick some 6th formers up to chill at my house when I was 25.

You've taken my post completely out of context and ignored most of it

If the daugher had a friend who was the same age, but was married with a child she is at a completely different life stage to the daughter.

And no, I wouldnt have an issue if it was a 25 year old male if it was a mixed group of people, I had much older friends at 16/17/18, I left home at 17 anyway and had older female and male friends through work, there was a mixed group of us and some had their own properties so we often went round theirs.

Butchyrestingface · 14/05/2023 09:30

The only one being weird in this scenario is the OP.

LackedPunch · 14/05/2023 09:28

She's gone from 25 to almost 26 to nearly 30. If your daughter is happy I don't see a problem with this.

KimberleyClark · 14/05/2023 09:26

Whats this concept of 'different life stage' and it being problematic

Because there's a world of difference between a woman in her mid 20s and a teenager in 6th form. It's the same reason many people would have a different response if the 25 year old in this thread was a man.

This. In terms of life experience there’s a huge difference between an 18 year old and a 25 year old. More than say a 25 year old and a 30 year old.

Whatwouldscullydo · 14/05/2023 09:25

They are all adults. Lots if gamers or people with shared interests meet online and socialise with people of various ages as its the common interests that get you talking/socialising.

God i work with and talk to people aged from 25 right through to chatting to people from my gym classes in their 60s and 70s . I'm 42. Imagine if we all got hung up on the age thing all the time we'd miss out on so much.

AxolotlOnions · 14/05/2023 09:23

Since they met through gaming I'd say it is quite normal, my son has had online friends in their 20s since he was at school. My first thought was that she was their drug dealer so I'd be relieved she's just a nerd if I were you!

Weallgottachangesometime · 14/05/2023 09:03

Personally yes I find it a little odd for a 26 year old to hang out with a group of 18-21 year olds. I think that period from 18-26 people go from being adolescent to an actual adult, and usually have developed to be a bit more street/life wise more independent etc.

I would take it as a bit of a red flag and be mindful of any other red flags (eg her encouraging behaviour, bringing her older friends along to meet them etc).

However if it is just the age thing and she seems like an ok woman, it is possible she didn’t have any friendships and so maybe has integrated into your daughters friendship group because she’s happy to find a space where she fits in. I guess meeting via a game makes this more likely. Maybe she didn’t have a friendship group and was happy to join this one when she met someone with a similar interest. If she struggles socially or is unconfident maybe she find it easy being around younger people.

To summarise- yea if find it a bit odd but how worried I would be would depend on the wider context.

wombatwomble · 14/05/2023 09:00

razzille · 14/05/2023 00:53

To be fair I didn't say almost 30, I said closer to 30, which is true, she is closer to 30 than my DD's age.

Well no, some of the 18 yo are just 18 as they are in sixth form. My DD is almost 19 though, yes.

I don't know what I'm worried about really, it just feels a bit strange and I think if it was a boy, a lot of people would think it was rather weird too.

I have a background working with young people/ safeguarding.

From the info you've given it doesn't sound like a love interest type situation where the older one might be taking advantage. That would be the situation where I might be worried and that is the reason some people might be more worried if it was a male.

From your posts, it sounds like they have things in common and have hit it off. It's the whole group she's hanging around with and not just your daughter. It doesn't sound like one young person is being singled out.

From a safeguarding perspective, I wouldn't be too worried about this as it doesn't sound like there is any malicious intent.

But I'd try and keep up with your daughter generally, let her be open/ chat to you about whatever's going on, so you get a general sense of this person.

Sometimes, sadly, there are criminals who will send someone close to young people's age to develop a relationship with them, and online gaming is a common way for them to find vulnerable young people.

So with that in mine I'd want to keep a 'watchful eye' but I wouldn't be worrying as such, because nothing untoward has hapened.

Is there any way you can meet this person if you haven't already? That might give you a better sense of what they are like.

Also, is your daughter generally mature and sensible or is she a bit vulnerable/ young for her age? Do you think she could be at risk of being swept up in something and being a bit naive?