To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

If your parents want her to have the house, can they gift her half and she get a mortgage for the other half which would be paid to you to make it even? That way you both have mortgages and yours is reduced by the same amount she's been given ie the half of the house she didn't pay for.

That's the only fair way I can see something like that working.

When talking with your parents stress you don't own a house - you have a mortgage that you'll be paying for 20+ years.

As for you inheriting their house, the future is uncertain and it may need to be sold to fund their care in later years.

Both of them live at home rent free. The OP was on a decent wage from teaching, and saved whilst living at home. Her sibling also lives at home rent free. She was able to save a deposit, and pays a mortgage. He's sister is being given a mortgage free house. The two do not equate. I would be upset and miffed- it's not fair and I would struggle with a relationship with them when they so obviously don't see you both equally.

I get it OP.

Parents are very odd in their interpretation of what is 'fair'. I am blessed with a dad who fully understands the meaning of fairness and giving my siblings and I each according to his need at the time but transparently evening things out in the long run.

Parents who see one child with something and try and even things out by giving something to the other child are helping no one. It fosters resentment and feelings of unfairness.

You worked hard for how many years to save how much?

If that is the whole story i would be angry as well . I know my sibling got extra help because they were divorced ( even though they had committed adultary) then later when I needed help nothing left .

I think I would try and check the long term intentions because even if their house is to come to you there may be things that happen that might negate that. I understand no one is entitled to anything but outright favouritism is wrong .

I completely understand why you are hurt about this, I would be too.

And I would be livid with my sister for trying to pretend she thinks it's fair because you have a house. Bullshit.

She only thinks it's fair because it benefits her. If the situation was reversed I imagine she would pipe up pretty quickly.

I think the reason they will not sell and split is Capital Gains Tax implications

Same happened to us, BIL got a 5 bed detached but oh well you move on.

Could it make sense they've maybe done it to avoid some sort of care home fees thing when they're older?

@Pallisers Do they realise if she marries, then it becomes a marital asset. It won’t become a marital asset due to her getting married alone though. Only if the house is lived in as a family home.

If you saved about 400 per month over 5 years, that's roughly 25K, give or take a couple thousand. Dishwasher, less than 1K. Let's say generously 5K on appliances? That's about 30K, perhaps less. Compared to a whole house worth 200K, that's a really big difference. A house that you may inherit, many decades from now, is not really equal. For one thing, your parents may use up the equity in that house for their own care as they get older. Which of course you would totally want them to do, and they are entitled to do! But, point being, it is not really equal. Letting you live at home for 5 years and helping you with appliances, is not the same as giving your sister a house free and clear. For one thing, you'll have to worry about a mortgage for the next 20 years.

I think your feelings are justified.
They should have left the tenants in there and given you both the earnings from the rental. Or sold it and given you both the money from the sale. That way she can put a deposit down for her first house and you pay a chunk of yours.

I would check that they understand the implications of such a gift.

Should one of them need to go into care, their assets will be checked, if they can't afford to pay for it, and your sisters gifted home may not be as secure as she/they think.

i would speak to them and ask that they speak to a professional financial person before doing anything!

Both of my DDs bought their first houses within 2 years of leaving Uni - one was 22 and bought it completely by herself.

I can certainly understand your upset. My parents were always scrupulous about 'even Steven' with my sibs and I. If one got help, they made sure that we were all 'made good' in one way or another or that we agreed no 'recompense' was needed. But their help never included a house or anything like as expensive, more financial support during hard times or help with buying a large appliance. And expensive gifts were equal too. For example, we all received a new washer and dryer when we bought our first homes. When our mum gave my sister and I expensive jewelry that was left to her, she made sure our brother received a like amount in cash. Because they were so 'fair' I just can't understand parents that don't at least try to make things more equal.

Before you speak to your parents, I suggest that you review this thread for the comments from posters that have, well, maybe gotten under your skin a bit. Because I have a feeling that these same things will be said by your parents in justifying such an expensive gift to your sister. Think about how you will phrase your responses to your parents, as you may need to choose different words than you use to a random stranger on the 'net. I realize they most likely can't 'even Steven' by paying off your mortgage or whatever, but I would think they should at least want to make some sort of gesture (or promise) that at least acknowledges the 'one-sidedness' of their gift.

And as far as them bequeathing you their current home, remember that that home isn't necessarily 'secure'. It could have to be sold to downsize or to pay care home fees.

As mentioned by a PP - property could be gifted but remain tenanted and your sister stays at home.
I think having an open and honest chat with mum and dad would clarify matters.

Also congrats on buying your own property.

Unless they’re planning to gift you early and they just pay you some rent/live in it for free?

Your parents can leave their house to one/both/neither of you, (cats home?). Legally. But morally it's very unfair to do so. My parents did this to me. It's not just the money (tho with both their grandchildren being disabled I cannot understand how they could do so) but its the utter utter rejection I feel.
I am sorry OP, I hope you can speak to them about it & find some resolution.

Of course it isn't fair. And your parents are stupid. Who gives a 20 year old a house? Do they realise if she marries, then it becomes a marital asset. Do they not give a toss about the relationship between you and your sister. And how is she going to do maintenance/house insurance/upkeep at age 20. Are they going to be doing that too?

I just can't get my head around actually giving a 20 year old a house and thinking her sister won't mind and she'll manage the house fine. They really must be thick.

I've had the same from my parents

My brothers lived at home rent free,had their driving lessons paid for,cars and the expenses bought for them,weddings and honeymoons paid for,£50 to 'treat themselves',endless holidays abroad,spending money,new clothes,furniture and white goods when they finally got flats of their own-what they wanted,they got

growing up they got more than me too-they had a tv and vhs player each,VHS tapes,brand name trainers,better toys,school trips,new clothes,college education-and the offer of uni if they wanted it etc

The list is endless

Me-i got to 16-no further education for me,i got to 18 and was chucked out-sink or swim

I was a single parent with coppers in my purse and was always trying to turn a penny into a pound-always freaking out about how I was going to feed my kids or worrying about big expenses like the washer breaking down

I got fuck all from my parents-they just didn't want to know and would stand laughing at me if I asked for help

My brothers would stand there and tell me I was pathetic and show off the latest whatever my parents had just bought them

Fast forward-im nc with the lot of them

This is a massive shock to them-they really don't understand why I refuse to stick around for their shit

I now have a good job,qualifications(they all dropped out if college),a house and we live a nice life

They really thought that as the only dd,I'd put up with their crap,would stick around to look after them in their old age and wipe their arses no matter how they treated me

Nah

Yanbu. It is completely unfair. Your parents should sell up and split the money between you and your sister. Your sister will have a good chunk of money for a deposit, and you can pay off a chunk of mortgage.

I suppose I’m making the point that your parents seem very generous (and well off!). If there is no backstory of meanness/unfairness (which it doesn’t sound like there is) then have a frank conversation with your parents.

It’ll probably get sorted out very quickly. No loving normal parents are going to think giving your sister a house mortgage free at 20 and not you is fair and reasonable.

They have already given you a huge gift though so clearly they love you very much and I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing assuming the worst of them.

@mammamia77 do they have past form for favouring your sister? It’s really not okay what they’re doing btw.

Is your sister going to be paying rent for the property