To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

Just came to say my parents bought my sibling a house and i have a mortgage. My sibling was skint after a divorce and didn’t (still doesn’t) earn enough to get a mortgage. I am better off but through hard work . I feel pretty annoyed but say nothing as it won’t change anything. I just know I won’t treat my kids this way.

Can't believe some of the posters on here!
You are being very hard done by OP!

This post is wild. I bought my first home in 2013 at the grand old age of 21 as a 4th year apprentice (and single mother!). It was a 3 bedroom flat and the mortgage was £310 a month. Lived in it for a year while I did it up and sold it to some unsuspecting Londoner who thought they were getting a bargain for 50% more than I paid 😂. It's not exactly unheard of if you live up north and most of the apprentices I worked with were getting on the property ladder too.

That aside, I think it's absolutely unfair and I'd be feeling exactly the same as you if my parents gifted my brother a house just because I already had one. Really not on and I'd find it hard not to make my feelings clear.

You are getting a hard time on here op.

I hear what you are saying. Any fair parent would not gift one child a fully paid for house and give another very little in comparison. A fair parent would give as equally as possible to each of their children.

It is also easy to see how you managed to save your house deposit over a 4 year period, especially when living at home rent free.

thats simply cheaply disguised favouritism in favour of the sister. it doesn't matter how capable, head screwed on and achieving OP is. Circumstances change, and in the 30 years of paying back a mortgage A LOT can change.

if the the penalty for having her head screwed on means missing out on a 200k asset that will grow in value, then thats clearly the wrong path.

It's depressing how many people try to defend the cruelty of OPs parents!

I'm not trying to defend the cruelty of the parents. I don't agree with their decision but was looking for a possible explanation for their misguided behaviour that doesn't immediately paint them as complete cunts. I presume OP would also like to consider the possibility that her parents are just misguided and short-sighted rather than out-and-out pigs?

I agree that their recent decision might cause OP to think she's taken the wrong path and should have waited it out at home for her inheritance. I think most people can relate to the feeling of "why the feck did I bother?" about something or another.

bold fail 🤦‍♀️ was quoting a PP

*Is it possible that your parents view you as an exceptional person who has little need of their help whereas your sister does? Perhaps they reason that letting you stay at home for 4-5 years to save enough for a property was help PROPORTIONATE to your needs?

I say that in earnest - anyone who can afford a house at the age of 25 4 years post QT in this financial climate, I think, must have their their head screwed on bloody well.*

^
thats simply cheaply disguised favouritism in favour of the sister. it doesn't matter how capable, head screwed on and achieving OP is. Circumstances change, and in the 30 years of paying back a mortgage A LOT can change.

if the the penalty for having her head screwed on means missing out on a 200k asset that will grow in value, then thats clearly the wrong path.

It's depressing how many people try to defend the cruelty of OPs parents!

He does get pip and LCWRA

I'm saying you can't predict what happens but is it really worth the extra family strife of giving the extra money when it's likely the state will pay and your money will go down the drain? Unless he's not been assessed as unfit for work and doesn't get pip?

Is it possible that your parents view you as an exceptional person who has little need of their help whereas your sister does? Perhaps they reason that letting you stay at home for 4-5 years to save enough for a property was help PROPORTIONATE to your needs?

I say that in earnest - anyone who can afford a house at the age of 25 4 years post QT in this financial climate, I think, must have their their head screwed on bloody well.

Op

this is not fair at all!

if the house is worth 200k I’d ask if they would sell it to her for 100k and give that to you making it fairer

otherwise this would grate on me

Without going into too much detail, it's not a physical or learning need. He won't need full time care (unless there an accident or some such, same as anyone) but will need PA support to manage his affairs. I don't see how they could sell his house unless he needs to move to supported living full time, which I don't envisage will be the case?

Apols to OP for derailing.

It is not fair and I don't blame you for being pissed off.

If I was your parents I would either give it to both, or sell the house and split the proceeds. I wouldn't be able to treat my offspring so unequally.

I can’t believe some people are defending your parents.

If this is the full story then it’s awful treatment.

Letting your daughter live at home rent free so she can save for her own house DOES NOT EQUATE to a whole house, it just doesn’t. Mum an dad should of sold the house and split the money equally, or if your sister wanted to live there she should of took out a mortgage and gave the OP her share of the house.

OP has a lifetime of financial stress ahead of her as most of us do, paying a mortgage etc whereas her sister who hasn’t saved a penny gets to live mortgage free for life. I’d be looking to mum an dad for an explanation.

I would be VERY pissed off OP. Grossly unfair.

@mammamia77 @Nanananananana99 So, the fairest thing would be for the parents to calculate how much rent and share of bills the OP has saved in the 4 years and give that amount to OP's sister, not an entire house free of cost. Why should OP have a mortgage around her neck for decades while sister is handed it to her on a plate especially as the sister is also now living at home rent free? In what universe is it fair?

Of course it’s easy to buy a house if you live at home with your parents enabling you to save loads of money. 🤦🏼‍♀️

If your sons needs change at all and his accommodation isn't suitable for him or staff. They will just sell it and use the funds to pay for care and the rent on a new property which you never gave the money would already happen..

It really is a waste to give your son extra money when it likely won't be used for what you intend.

Over a decade ago now. But I bought my first house on a £25k salary at 26. But it was a small first time buyer property in. Cheaper area of the country.

This has to be the fair option. Only it's more work for the parents I guess....

Anything else. Isn't fair at all

It's terribly unfair. I would explain to your DPs that you may have a house but you are still paying for it and will be paying for it for decades to come. That paying a mortgage each month puts obvious limitations on you financially. That your sister would have no such limitations on her finances were they to gift her the house, and that they might also like to consider what a 20 year old would do with the money saved on accommodation (you imply she has not been saving whilst living at home). Are your parents happy to give up a large asset so that your sister can spent money on luxuries whilst you live frugally in order to pay your mortgage?.

You need to discuss it, but also bear in mind that it isn't yet a done deal and you don't know the full extent of what your parents have in mind.

Sell the rental and split equity 50/50 that will be fair and help your sister as they want to with a deposit. Alternatively joint tenants to you both but with proviso your sister pays nominal rent £1 and it is sold in x say 5, years time and equity split.

I appreciate that, but my priority is that he have a safe and secure home for his whole life.

He will have enough to pay for care.