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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

332 replies

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 20:44

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

OP posts:
Original poster
mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:31

Maireas · 13/05/2023 22:15

Yes, I can see that, @mammamia77 - so your parents have helped you out significantly. I'd just let it lie.

I still don't think it's fair though. Obviously they saved me money as I didn't pay rent for four years, but my sister may be getting a house that's fully paid off worth over 200k. Would you let that lie?

OP posts:
Verbena17 · 13/05/2023 22:30

mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 20:44

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

Perhaps their own house they live in is going to be gifted to you?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 13/05/2023 22:29

What about the house tenants? Will your sister have to take over managing the house as a landlord until they leave ?

MyrrAgain · 13/05/2023 22:29

AppleKatie · 13/05/2023 22:19

😂I do understand that you moved up the pay scale each year OP. But you still saved a min of a quarter of your total income (more than a quarter of your net income?)

Did your parents let you live rent free for four years? Because whilst not equal to giving you a house they have effectively given you about 24-48 grand there?

And the sister could live at home and do this too if she so wishes!!
I'm sure it wasn't amazing to live back at home as a professional adult necessarily either for the OP. She made sacrifices and played sensible. Now she has a massive mortgage and no free house as a consequence whereas sister gets it on a plate and people like you and the sister are claiming this is fair enough. Fools.

Original poster
mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:26

All the posters*

OP posts:
Original poster
mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:26

BadBarry · 13/05/2023 22:22

Ops sister has probably had the same perks of living rent free as op has , gifting a house and letting your kids save is quite a bit different.

Yes, this! To all my posters banging on about me living at home rent free, my sister lives at home rent free too! She even still has her phone bill paid by my mum as well

OP posts:
SpringViolet · 13/05/2023 22:25

You did have some help buying your house OP though in living at home until you were 25, assuming paying much less, if any, rent/bills than you would have done if you’d had to get your own place after Uni so you could save?

Your sister is 5 years behind you if she’s 20. Is she still in education?

Still I think it’s totally unfair to give her a whole mortgage free house!

If your parents were fair, they’d sell the house and ‘gift’ her a flat, gifting you the rest of the proceeds to reduce your mortgage. Or keep half of the house sale as a deposit for her when she’s ready to get a mortgage and give you the other half to pay toward your mortgage.

Original poster
mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:24

AppleKatie · 13/05/2023 22:19

😂I do understand that you moved up the pay scale each year OP. But you still saved a min of a quarter of your total income (more than a quarter of your net income?)

Did your parents let you live rent free for four years? Because whilst not equal to giving you a house they have effectively given you about 24-48 grand there?

Your post made it sound like I was on an NQT salary for four years.

Yes my parents did allow me to live at home and save rather than paying them rent, but as you said, it is still not equal to giving my sister a mortgage free house so I'm unsure what point you are trying to make

OP posts:
Tayegete · 13/05/2023 22:23

I’m struggling with all those trying to justify this. Being given a house mortgage free at 20 is such a massive advantage. If OPs parents did have other plans for her they should have sat her down and said we’re planning to give Dsis this house and we’ve got x saved up for you. It would need to be equal amounts given at the same time to make it fair.

AWhaleSwamBy · 13/05/2023 22:23

I'd want to discuss this with your parents. It seems ridiculously unfair but maybe they have other plans for you. If they haven't then I think you should tell them that you accept it's their house to do with as they wish but that you are also allowed to feel upset by it.

cstaff · 13/05/2023 22:23

How to completely wipe out a family relationship in one fell swoop between all of you. Jeez op...that can't be easy to accept.

Shelefttheweb · 13/05/2023 22:22

Your response to your sister could be that you don’t own a house, you own a large mortgage. Yanbu

BadBarry · 13/05/2023 22:22

Ops sister has probably had the same perks of living rent free as op has , gifting a house and letting your kids save is quite a bit different.

ScaryGrandma · 13/05/2023 22:20

YANBU. I've always been really careful not to play favourites with my children and grandchildren to make sure none of them are favoured. What sort of parent even considers doing something so incredibly stupid that makes one of their offspring like a golden child and the other not worth their consideration. They should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves! \

AppleKatie · 13/05/2023 22:19

😂I do understand that you moved up the pay scale each year OP. But you still saved a min of a quarter of your total income (more than a quarter of your net income?)

Did your parents let you live rent free for four years? Because whilst not equal to giving you a house they have effectively given you about 24-48 grand there?

Zonder · 13/05/2023 22:19

Can you calmly speak to your parents without your sister there? You do have your house but you will be paying for it for years whereas your sister won't.

Boomboom22 · 13/05/2023 22:19

Surely they don't mean sign over a whole house to her mortgage free when you lived at home for 4 years but will pay a mortgage for how long? That would be very very unfair.

ConsuelaHammock · 13/05/2023 22:19

Ask them for half the house and see what they say ? They should treat you both the same .

Original poster
mammamia77 · 13/05/2023 22:18

TomatoSandwiches · 13/05/2023 22:16

I can't believe you were all there for this conversation and you didn't pipe up at all, why did you not say something op?

I wasn't sure if the way I felt was justified so wanted time to think before I spoke to them about it

OP posts:
BadBarry · 13/05/2023 22:17

Can I ask how exactly did the conversion pan out, was it they asked you have you felt about it or was in said in a matter of fact this is a done deal way?
Was there an opportunity privately for your to discuss with your parents or was this all with your sister present?
Could it be they intend to leave you the house they live in now solely?

AhNowTed · 13/05/2023 22:17

Your parents would be fools to do this.

It is grossly unfair.

Justalittlebitduckling · 13/05/2023 22:16

Maybe they’re planning to leave you their other house?

TomatoSandwiches · 13/05/2023 22:16

I can't believe you were all there for this conversation and you didn't pipe up at all, why did you not say something op?

Sissynova · 13/05/2023 22:16

AppleKatie · 13/05/2023 22:07

4 years of saving on a newly qualified teachers salary. It boggles the mind how you afforded to live AND save (what? 20-30k min?) so about a quarter of your gross salary?

It’s pretty easy to save a large portion of
your salary when you don’t pay rent.

SalmonEile · 13/05/2023 22:15

Does your sister currently live at home with them