To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

YANBU you'll have a mortgage for years becuase you worked hard. She won't becuase she hasn't bothered to save and is complaining about living at home. It's like she's being rewarded and you're being punished.

They could just let her live there rent free till she's 25 so she can save. She'd still be getting a better deal than you becuase she'd have a whole house instead of a bedroom but financially it'd be equal.

Zombie thread.

Two years ago my parents bought my brother a house worth £550k but it was put in their names and he lives in it rent free.
My parents told us that when they die this property would transfer to him before the estate is divided and then us daughters would be compensated.
Their home is worth £1.5 million they live in the tax free Channel Islands so there will be not inheritance tax.
We have since learnt that the will does not compensate.
my father has dementia so can not comment but mother has offered to pay off my mortgage and sisters which all happen to be £150k. We are all a lot older than our brother, worked hard, had health and marital breakdowns and feel it’s unfair that the will is not going to adjust for the difference of £400k, but my mum is adamant that the estate will be split 4 ways and after the transfer of the smaller house to my brother.
My sisters and I think there is nothing we can do about this but we are very hurt, if it’s not for us we have 8 children between us that would eventually benefit from the money.
Has anyone else experienced such a situation and has any advise?

Zombie

My thoughts exactly. What goes around...

Not unreasonable at all. My mother was always giving stuff to my older and very demanding sister whilst giving me nothing mainly because I wasnt demanding and was very independent. It never really bothered me until after my mother died and my older siblings helped themselves to all my parents' stuff - as usual I walked away with almost nothing.

I'm going to make some allowances for your sister as she is very young and perhaps lacking in wisdom but it is very poor form that she would go along with this. My father recently came in to some money and he is very generously offering to pay off my (small) mortgage. The very first think I said after 'thank you' was would my sister (much better off than me) be getting the same amount because if not, I'd be giving her half of what I got. I will never let money come between us or allow my parents to act in a way that is as grossly unfair as your situation, my sister feels the same.

I can't really say who's in the wrong because like others i think some details are missing. Your sister is also young, even more so than you so if she is living at home, maybe she's helping the parents in ways you may be unaware of since you have your own place. For all we know, she could have been helping with their rental business and other things. Just to play a little bit more of the devil's advocate, I know someone I went to college with who had 4 other siblings, but she was the one who got the house (coincidentally she was also the youngest lol). This was because she stayed close to home, while the others moved away to start their own independent lives. She helped her parents with their everyday lives, errands, cleaning and cooking for them when their health began to fail, and basically became their caretakers until they both sadly passed away. Not saying this is what's happening her but it could be something similar. There's also the possibility that it was just a coincidence because of timing. They could just think it's fine to give your sister the house because it's only now that the mortgage will be paid off and you already have a house you put a lot of effort into getting. Thet may even decide to give you the other home or at least have you split that one when the time comes. But of course you have every right to feel that way and be upset but ultimately it is up to the parents unless you previously discussed it with them and they hinted you could potentially have the property. But I personally wouldn't care too much otherwise, as it seems you were able to get your house a while before this situation arose. But if it was very recent then that's another story. I don't want to call you the A word because you can be upset of you feel so but I kind of feel you'll get past it if you haven't already. From what I feel the timing is and the details I've read I don't think a long term grudge or anything like that is warranted for this situation.

Hi, I'm interested in this post because i'm in a similar position with my sibling.

I'm married, two children one has grown up and left home, the other is 9. I own my own home with my husband.

My brother is married with two small children. He owns his own home.

We have both, over the years both borrowed money from our parents to buy our homes. and repaid with interest.

My parents bought an investment rental property a few years ago, and somehow this has become my brothers and the initial purchase price (which was way less than its value now!) was added to his lending. Of course, this debt has reduced because the rental income pays it. I only found out about this arrangement by accident when asking for a copy of what we still owed, and his borrowings were on there too, inc the rental.

I can't seem to get anyone (brother or parents) to understand why i'm annoyed about this, and that this debt for an investment (which someone else is repaying - the tenants) is not the same as the debt for the homes we live in.

Does anyone have any pearls of widsom?

Thanks,
Sarah

@chocorabbit you are so right. My mum’s brother ( my uncle) got given 2 houses and my mum got the the literally nothing.
She fought hard to get one of the house as it was house originally build for her, my dad and me when I was born however my mum got divorced and cos of that she became a black sheep in our family.
In the end she got the house and owns it but her brother and his family completely stop speaking to us and guess what, it was my mum who took care of her parents in the end… he only grabbed all the money my granddad had and walked off leaving my mum pick up the pieces..

Exactly and you don't really own your house the bank does until you have paid it off!

Your parents are making a mistake. You’ve done very well to save up and buy your property. Your sister is virtually still a child and no way should your parents indulge her with a free house to reward her complaining. She should be encouraged to save as you did. Speak up now OP to help your parents avoid this awful favouritism

Very few people have reached their potential at age 20 so I find some comments comparing the sisters lives a bit silly. As you’d expect the younger sister has a lower income and no mortgage like most young people.

All these people saying "you own a house"....🤔Have you never heard of mortgages?

You are not being u reasonable. You saved a deposit and are paying a mortgage every month for years. Meanwhile your sister is getting a free house and no mortgage. Unbelievable that your parents cant see why that is a problem!!

A solution might be that your sister pays them "rent" as if she was paying a mortgage so she not just getting the house for free although that may well end before your .mortgage payments do. Also if they go ahead as planned is there any proviso in their wills re selling other house and dividing assets etc?

Hope you can get this sorted

I totally get it, OP. I know it's their house to do with what they wish but there is an element of unfairness in that you weren't provided with the same opportunities your sister was. It would make more sense to let her live there while she saves her money or to sell the house to her by way of taking monthly "rent" as if she was paying a mortgage of her own and once she has paid for it, the house can be transferred to her. I can't see them doing her any favours by handing her property ownership on a plate but I can also see why she would be in favour of this - anyone would be happy to be gifted a property.

I can't see that there is much you can do as it's their money and their decision but your feelings are very valid.

OP you sound like you did all the right things to get yourself set up in life and I can understand why you'd be upset by this. I remember my mum talking about her sister always being bailed out and it hurt she saw money being spent on her sister and not her. However, my grandmother used to talk to me about my mum and she would say things like how sensible she was, how she had done so well. When she talked about her other daughter (my aunt) it was always "poor X" who couldn't cope and "needed" her help.

It is misplaced/wonky thinking but if you attack, positions may become hardened. I would be gentle with your parents and try to understand their thinking. It may be that in asking a few gentle questions, more will emerge (for example they may loan the money to your sister as a mortgage registered against the property, for her to "buy" the property so that the debt will come out of your sister's inheritance) or they may have some other arrangement in mind. Hopefully, having heard them out you can put your point of view in a constructive way or make suggestions so as to find a solution that is fair. Be careful not to equate money with love- it is tempting to do that but they are not definitely not the same.

But she doesn't own the house out right. The sister will own house out right.

Strings - I'd expect some strings with 300-400k gift!

I'd say YABU. You own your house. A house as a gift from parents comes with strings attached. My own parents helped Dsis to build a house. But then they're quite controlling and I moved to another country.

Nah, usually the most entitled child gets a good deal because the parents know that the disadvantaged sucker has a good heart and will always care for the parents no matter what. The OP is saying that her parents and DS are good though, so I don't know.

Then they can split everything in half in their will. Nobody can know if they will have anything left to leave to their children.

But what if the parents need care and the house is sold? That's what I continuously read on mumsnet. Before they gift the house they should borrow an amount of let's say £100k and gift it to the OP so she can repay her mortgage, buy a bigger house or whatever she wants. The DS can put the house back on rent to recuperate any amount she wishes and move to the house in the future. She can continue to live with her parents and make contributions if the parents wish.

That is very unfair. If they sell they could give you half. I am sure even though you have your own house you still have a mortgage and all the years you were saving you probably were doing with out.

YANBU at all. I would probably be pissed in the same situation. I wonder though if they are planning to give you the house the currently live in when they pass? They may have thought that your sister needs one now and you can wait until later.

And it is reasonable to give the house to the child who does not own one.

OP doesn't own her house though, she'll own it when she's paid it off in a couple of decades.