Just realising how developmentally delayed my toddler is

I couldn’t read and run as like a PP I also had msny, many sleepless nights over my DS’s development.

Speaking as a mum of a child who hit ONE milestone in 3 years and as a teacher, these are my personal thoughts.

All children develop in their own time. My son didn’t talk until 2.5 and was still on nappies at 3.5. Now, 4.5 he can barely hold a pencil. However he’s in nursery, happy, sociable and genuinely loves life.

Communication is more important that talking.

The realisation that your DS’s development isn’t following the national average is crushing but you honestly won’t focus on it for long. It doesn’t define your child.

Stop reading milestones. It makes you feel shit and doesn’t help anything.

There is support out there but you’ve got to find it.

Children who develop typically don’t always have it ‘easier’ and vice versa so much depends on parental/ school/peer support.

Hardest one ever- don’t compare. Look at your child in their journey. What can THEY do now that they couldn’t before, what’s their progress and what’s going to be next. Once I started doing this I felt unbelievably better but it’s hard to get there.

Talk to people and when you find someone who really understands ask all the questions you need to.

Get the best nursery/early years provider you can. This can make a big difference.

Know you are doing an incredible job and recognise that you are the most important person in DS’s life. ❤️

Don’t look at developmental milestones. He will develop differently but will develop… and how lucky is he to have you!

You are so aware of what your DS can do, and understanding his frustrations is such a huge part of the battle. I have worked with toddlers with a similar level of need before and it is relentless, but there will be people in his life who love him for who he is and he will be making progress, just in smaller steps than his peers.

I appreciate that your post isn’t asking for advice per se, but have you heard of objects of reference? It sounds like your DS could use them for communication- there is a good guide here. Just use one or two to begin with. They work like picture cue cards but in a more accessible, multi-sensory way.

He is still very young. My son has dyspraxi a and didn't talk until he was 4, now he doesn't stop talking. Your son is still able to communicate in other ways. Some children just take their own time, this doesn't mean they are not intelligent or able to progress in the future.

These lists that focus on what your DS can't do are hard to read. But when you think about the challenges he has then really appreciate how far he has come, that baby who couldn't express himself is now able to do so much.
There are a few children in my life with degrees of disability, some through work and some in my personal life.
Some don't communicate with words but they all communicate, especially when loving parents and others try to understand them. Don't get me wrong, there might be times when you're frustrated trying to understand, and sad seeing how life is difficult for them, but your DS is your perfect boy.

I was reading this and thinking how clever your ds is for finding ways to express himself. An autistic child I know was similar, think he had some early speech therapy intervention iirc, and is now able to communicate verbally and fluently.

Bless him, please don't let it get you down. He sounds like he is coming along brilliantly in finding new ways to communicate. I know of many children who were none verbal who caught up. They might always need some level of support but with a loving home environment and the right support they can come such a long way. Just focus on ways of supporting your child (which it sounds like you are doing amazingly!) And rip up the milestone list for now!

Couldn’t not reply to this! My son isn’t autistic but was speech delayed (he is also 3) and I recall the sleepless nights I’d spend worrying about him and his development and that was without the extra challenges your son has. I’ve worked with autistic children for years, many could be described just like your son when they were 3. However many do ‘catch up’ as they grow at their own pace. For example one child was non verbal until age 5, however by age 10 you’d never have known! However some children remain non verbal but just think about how amazing and clever your son is to have learnt all those other ways of communicating! That’s really special.

Ive no doubt that you are going to support your son in any way possible with his development, however just because he can’t do the things you describe now, doesn’t mean that he won’t be able to in the future at his own pace. Far too much pressure is put on children and parents to conform to ‘milestones’ and ‘expectations’ however each child is different with their own challenges and imo a child is thriving if they have a loving supportive home which even just from you worrying about these things and posting this on here it sounds like your son has <3