Sending 7 year old to boarding school

All of the people I know who went to boarding schools from primary age are seriously messed up in one way or another. Either traumatised, lacking empathy, or overcompensating for everything, or just a total mess in their private lives and unable to form or sustain meaningful bonds or express affection in the normal way. Not seeing your parents for weeks or months at a time is not natural so it's not surprising.

Those who were day boarders seem to be mostly fine, unless they were at one of the particularly bad schools with terrible bullying.

It’s horrible. My DH boarded from 7 (same set up, SAHM but the children were sent away at 7) and is not an emotionally healthy adult - I’m still finding more and more damage after 17 years of us being together. It’s very challenging to be married to someone with this upbringing, that’s for sure.

Was it really necessary to drop that in there? Sending your child to nursery so you can work is essential for many people to provide for their child. Boarding school is not. Children who go to nursery spend every morning, evening, bedtime and weekend with their parents. It's not remotely comparable. And as I'm sure you know most of the countries that have high workforce participation from women with children going to nursery from when they are babies have better mental health scores for children and adults than we do, as well as less inequality and childhood poverty. No such outcomes from boarding schools.

I agree it's really cruel. I know 2 people who went to boarding school from 7 and they're both poorly developed people in terms of their emotions and happiness. They're both successful in their careers but have crap personal lives. I know what I'd prefer for my own children.

It works for some kids, not for others. There's no right or wrong way to raise children. I always wanted to go to boarding school but my parents couldn't afford it.

I think people romanticise family life at home, mother and father idyllically playing with their children far too much. For most families it isn't like that at all.

Sending kids at 5 (and especially) 3 does seem a bit young though. Junior school age is fine.

It’s barbaric. It should be illegal, unless it’s for serious additional needs.
My grandfather and his brother were sent at 5 and 3 respectively. To hear him talk about it, it was like he was still that baby left on a train station. He had to look after his brother who cried for months.
I know someone who was sent at eight, from an army family. He cried when he talked about it. I believe it creates a wound in a person that lasts for life. Many men who were sent away struggle to forgive their parents and struggle with relationships. Some are abused. Look up boarding school syndrome.
Consider saying something to your sister. At least then you have done all you can to protect your nephew from future damage. My heart breaks for him.

It sounds horrible, although it's her business so I don't think you saying anything will make any difference. I personally dont understand it, I've been looking at nurseries and some babies are there from 7.30am to 5.30pm as young as 6 months old, it's heartbreaking. It just doesn't make sense to me at all.

I couldn’t do it. I would miss the day to day stuff too much: bedtime cuddles in the morning, having breakfast with them, baking, taking them to clubs (some of the clubs we go to you stay and participate with your kid), having them jump off your sofa pretending to be a ninja, them having the freedom to go to the fridge and get out a snack, then helping you set the table, the whole bustle of getting ready for school, bedtime stories, then telling you about their day on the way home…why would anyone want to miss those things?

I can get head around day and occasional boarding at this age, it's very fluid and you can take your cue from your child. But full time boarding? Nope, no way, no how.

Never ever, could never send a little child off to boarding school. It is cruel.

Depends on the child.
I know 3 who went at that age, 2 loved it and still do, 1 liked it at first but doesn't anymore so has gone to half board instead.

I feel sorry for this child

im i unreasonable to think that 7 is just too young to be away from home
No you're not. It's far too young in my opinion.

My DD went to an independent school as a day girl but many of her friends boarded full time. One friend, a Chinese girl often stayed at our house over the half term because it was too far for her to go back home to China for 7 days. I must say none of my dad's friends seemed to mind boarding. I think it depends on the personality of the child. All DD's friends seemed outgoing and confident but I can see how a shy or awkward child might not like it.

I always hated boarding schools, I told my mum when I was about 8-9 I wasn't going to go and never did. I've had friends who have terrible times, more rate to have had a good time IME.
Now my own child is 14 and MH ASD issues have arisen as a young teen, I like them even less, I literally couldn't consider someone else who doesn't have any vested interest in my child's welfare raising them for me. It's lazy parenting for a 'better education'

Omg that's actually heartbreaking tbh. What a rejection for your poor DN

No chance!

For some army parents, boarding schools can be useful although I agree that seven or eight seems too young to me. I don't understand why your dsis would settle on this solution if she doesn't work, To me it would be a last resort.

Maybe she isn't keen on being a mum.

It's cruel and can cause lifelong trauma. End of discussion.

I'm sorry, I thought the child was a girl, but my opinion still stands. It's a horrible decision.

Your poor nephew - have you talked to her about why she's doing this? And why her husband is supporting her?

If your sister and BIL don't like parenting could she not get a job and a nanny? Or send nephew5 to an international school where ever it is her husband is posted, and sign him up to lots of aftershool activities?

I would lose all respect for my sister in this situation, and I doubt I would keep my opinion to myself. That poor little girl. Someone needs to speak up for her.

Can’t get my head around people wanting to have kids and then choosing to send them to boarding school, I can’t see how this wouldn’t be heartbreaking for everyone involved. On the other hand, I mean if you really didn’t want kids or find them impossible after having them - then maybe 🤷‍♀️

Why is your sister sending her child away when she doesn't even work? Even if her husband was posted to the middle East, she wouldn't go, she'd stay here and look after her child?!