to ask you to tell me honestly what you'd think of someone in my situation?

Just to add OP you don't need to explain your single status to anyone.

When I made friends that were single mums they were established single people. It never occurred to me to grill them about why. I have no idea "what went on" or "who left who". We just enjoyed each others company as any friend does.

People should take you as they find you. If someone asks "does your child see their dad" just say "no they are not on the scene" if they are nosy and you don't want to discuss it just say that. Mostly you will be busy making sure your kids don't eat lego.

I felt embarrassed and ashamed and a failure when my marriage ended when DC were little. I understand where you are coming from. You will find as your DC gets older you will meet more and more people in similar situations to you, I know quite a few that have no contact with their biological father. It makes it easier when you know others in the same boat.

But as for what I’d think, I think you were a strong and dedicated mum making the best of the hand she’s been dealt. There would certainly not be any negative judgement.

I'd just think you're just another mum doing the best she can. After being married for 16 years, I became a single parent to my 3 teens and it has never occurred to me to be concerned about how others see me.
This really is a worry for you rather than the people you meet. I would imagine the sheer stress of your partner buggering off at the start of the pregnancy has aggravated any insecurity you may have already had.
Seriously, it's okay, you are fine. Anyone that judges you for your situation would have been a prick to you no matter what was going on in your life. The rest of us are all good with the different situations people find themselves in.

I genuinely wouldn't give it a second thought, I know several single parents and it never crosses my mind to think anything of it.
I don't think they're doing any better or worse than those who have partners, it's just part of life.

Exactly this!!!

Is 38 a bad thing to be single?! Since when?

Came to write something like this too

I am in the same situation OP. My child is now well into primary school and tbh when I got to know a few of the mums a little better I realised that no one has a perfect life. My mum friends (and others!) Have an extremely low opinion of my ex but I don't think anyone else cares. Families come in all shapes and sizes, I wouldn't spend a second worrying about what others think. You are doing an amazing thing raising a child alone :)

...and OP..forgot to say my mum left my dad ...in the 70s too!

I wouldn't think anything at all.

If I did think anything then all it would be is a bit of empathy that it's a tough situation, also that most single parents deserve a lot of respect.

I know it's difficult but please try to turn this around. You shouldn't feel embarrassed you should feel proud.

We moved here when my DC were 4 and 1, no dad. Never felt judged in the slightest, the only comments I've ever had from parents in couples were admiration that I was doing it alone! My DC made tons of good friends, as did I, and since I've been seeing someone (met him when I was 45, so it's definitely possible for you if you want that) all I've had from other parents is excitement and helpful babysitting! Your therapist is right.

I had 3 children by the age of 18 and couldn't care less what people thought/think of me.

Your situation isn't something I'd even give a thought too.

I would have zero opinion of you tbh.

As in none. Not good, not bad, nothing.

I understand your need for another child but please really think again on using a donor. It is hard enough when children in a family have different dads that the mother knows as dads treat their children differently. One dad may be involved in everything, taking the child to Cubs, dance class or taking them on holidays like Disney land or the Costa's, making sure they have expensive presents for Christmas and birthday. Can you imagine how that would make the other child feel ? This child wouldn't even know who their father is. There is a lot of room for resentment resulting in at least the possibility of one unhappy child.
You can't just take your wants and needs into consideration here. The child you already have is dealing with years of unhappy parents, not becoming the big brother he was told he was going to be and now his parent's separating . His little life is being turned upside down, do you really think now is the time to add a baby into their chaos?
I really hope you find some peace and things turn out well for you and your son.

My honest answer:
Through no decision of your own you became a single parent. You have a great job and you get your child to nursery every day. All by yourself.
That's bloody fantastic.
People around you might think you're standoffish whereas really you're just lacking in confidence. So reach out as much as you can. Friends will make your life easier.
And if you can, ditch the naysayers.
💐

I wouldn't care at all. Not trying to be nice - I just genuinely would not judge someone in the slightest for being a lone parent, whether that was by choice or circumstance. I'd judge your ex as a tosser for not seeing his baby, but I wouldn't hold you responsible at all. I would be friendly and warm to you, as I am to any other parent I meet at school or nursery, would happily go for coffee, wouldn't mind if you wanted to chat about your circumstances or wanted to keep them private. You being a lone parent just wouldn't factor into my assessment of your character at all.

The things I judge a person for are all things within their control - are they kind to their children, are they friendly (or at least polite), do they contribute to making our community feel like a decent place.

(For my own background I'm married and a homeowner, have children at school and at nursery, work 4 days a week in a professional role).

ZOMBIE THREAD

You need to start your own thread or posters will keep replying to the OP of this thread.

Thank you. I realized so but couldn’t delete my post. I should post somewhere else. Best,

I'd post in relationships maybe, because AIBU can be a bit blunt! If you report your post on this thread, MN will delete it for you.