to ask you to tell me honestly what you'd think of someone in my situation?

You are trying to punish yourself. I hope the therapist can help you - you need to stop these thoughts are they are not helpful. No one thinks like this and if they do that's on them not you.

There's nothing to be judgemental about. You're a good mum doing well by the sounds of it - and that's by your own words, as someone down on themselves. Willing to bet the reality is even nicer!

@korey In the nicest possible way I wouldn't 'think' anything about your situation and why should I? Why do you think anyone is entitled to judge you or anyone else for that matter? You really are worrying unnecessarily and shouldn't give this anymore headspace than you already have. This is 2023 and people's lives vary greatly and people live in all kinds of situations, and no situation is seen as unusual or worthy of judgement. Anyone judging you is no friend of yours. Do you live rurally or in a very small community btw?

My therapist thinks I am more judgemental of myself than anyone else would be

And they are right. Stop beating yourself up. I don't judge people for being a single parent.

Give your head a wobble and start talking to people.

I would think you are lucky to have a child when so many do not have that opportunity so I hope you feel blessed that you have had the chance, even if not the way you planned

Your relationship status wouldn’t enter my radar

In the nicest possible way you are not unique. There are many many different styles of family units in this world. Please enjoy your little ones childhood as it will go so quickly. You need friends and your little one will need friends. Be a bit more open, smile and say hello, nobody will bite you x

Wouldn’t judge you at all. What’s there to judge? Good income, owns own house, child with no ex drama popping up.

Single parent here 👋🏻 no one is judging you or looking down on you! We're doing our best, we didn't leave we stayed and fought! We battled battles we didn't know we had to fight.

You and your children will come to know all of this, mine did! They are grown up now and appreciate everything I did for them and me.

You have a good job, own your home and are raising a child as a single parent - that adds up to someone amazing in my book.

Single mothers. Not just genetically for all single women!

I know a number of young widows with kids - because I know a lot of military people, and because a few friends have died very young leaving spouses and kids. If I found out you were a single parent I might wonder why - ie if you were widowed - but it would be a brief thought.

Like most here I would mostly just be really really impressed. I have a huge amount of respect for single women. I’m in awe of you having a high paying job AND a one year old and being able to manage all the competing stresses of those things. I think you’re probably amazing.

It’s bizarre you think so little of single mums. And quite rude, in fact

you probably rock up to nursery on the way to work looking professional so I'd assume a competent adult.
As its just drop offs I wouldn't think twice about Dad.

Also, +1 to this comment because in the early baby and preschool years it’s completely common to only get to know the parent that’s doing the nursery run. And then when you get chatting on a play date or at soft play birthday party or whatever you find out if there’s a second parent around. But most people get to know other parents 1-1 first, not as a couple.

Btw I’ve been in an abusive marriage with children, then a single parent and now I’m happily married. I’m not ashamed of any of it, I try to enjoy the present and look to the future. I’ve learnt from the bad bits, had lots of therapy and become someone that I quite like.

Absolutely would judge your ex - I would think you are doing brilliantly raising your DC with a successful job

It’s not pathetic! You are going to be fine, I promise!

If I only knew that you were a single parent but not the details I would not care. Doesn’t affect me in anyway.

If I knew the circumstances of you being a single parent then I would think that your ex is an arse. I wouldn’t judge you or your child, I would judge him.

Although unless friends I would be unlikely to know that you are a single parent (unless you wear a big hat saying ‘my dickhead ex left me while pregnant and look at me over here doing my best!’ (Maybe you should). My dc are grown up now but I only knew a few backgrounds of the children at nursery/school and then only because the parent/s told me.

Well, OP the posts as I write are 100%unanimous even if the poll is not quite there! And I am with everyone else. Your relationship status wouldn’t matter to me. And in a few years, when your DD starts making real friends, there will be many more single mums. One thing to be aware of however is that there are a few bitches everywhere and they are good at sensing shame. So that is another reason it is great that you are working on this in therapy.

I think it is possible that some who say YANBU mean ‘I understand your worries, particularly because of the bitchy villagers’.

I think you sound great.

Hi Korey, my Mum was a lone parent to me and my brother. This was back in the 80s, after our Dad opted out of our lives. There was still plenty of stigma; you may remember how 'single mothers' were demonised by politicians back in the day and blamed for many social problems. Sadly I think the shadow of that stigma still hovers around us today.

If I met you, I'd remember how hard it frequently was for my Mum and I'd admire you. If I had the chance to get to know you better, I'd probably think you seemed really nice and interesting. That's my focus really, everything else (a person's circumstances, their job etc) is just information.

I’d get to know you based on whether you smiled at me or not as I’m better at chatting to people who look up for a chat! and we would I hope get on and chat more.
If in time your story came out I would think your ex sounds like a selfish prick and you are bloody amazing for holding down such a good job, having your own home and raising a child alone. That would then become the least interesting thing about you I suspect as you sound pretty amazing so I’m sure we would have other stuff to talk about.

My DH has never met his Dad. He knows who he is and where he lives and that’s about it. My DH is also the most incredible human I’ve ever met- loving, grounded, kind, generous. Not knowing his dad has in no way reflected badly on him and I’ve never got the impression anyone has judged him for it. Tbh we wouldn’t want to be know people who would do that anyway.
Get out there and smile and be proud of who you are and who your DC is.

You didn't choose your situation. Your situation happened to you without your consent. Absolutely no judgement here and you should feel incredibly proud of the life you are making for yourself and your child.

Listen, you are bloody fantastic! Other parents will want your company so open up. It sounds you have deep rooted dissapointment around being a lone parent to your baby. Get to grips with this, your baby's father is financially 'doing the right thing'. If he isn't having a relationship it's his loss but he is better letting that be known now than fucking everyone up in 5 years time. The sooner you accept it and choose the exciting life you and baby will have, the better. Please, please stop judging yourself, it might not look like the fairytale but it can be even better. You can take your child anywhere, do anything. Be the firebrand they need and don't look back.

Sorry OP it must be awful feeling as you do. I honestly cannot see why you think it is so awful being a single parent. My mum brought me up by herself in the 70s....she didn't give a damn what people thought. I really hope you get through this fear. We are all muddling through our lives doing our best and yes some people will be judgey but so what says more about them!

You earn 55k so I assume in a fairly decent job, you probably rock up to nursery on the way to work looking professional so I'd assume a competent adult.
As its just drop offs I wouldn't think twice about Dad.

If I mentioned Dad and you said he wasn't around I'd be impressed that you're doing it all on your own and holding down a serious job.

If we got into the details over cake and coffee whilst the kids rolled around soft play, I'd tel you that he's the idiot for walking out on his kid and I'm sorry you had the misfortune to meet someone like him. I'd laugh kindly at the idea that at 38 you'll never meet someone else. If you said you were sad about DD being an only child I'd offer sympathy hut reassure you she'll be fine and that having got three of them, sometimes I wonder what eldest life would have been like as a single.

So yeah, I'd generally think you're doing a great job doing it all alone whilst many of us struggle with a partner so I def wouldn't judge you if you found it hard.