To ask your experiences of having a doula?

@saxendaqs cackling at the idea of a midwife advocating for anyone 😂 Mine kept leaving the room when I was at the pushing stage, not that she did anything when she was there anyway.

@scotmumtobe I’m considering private midwives this time but I think a doula is a good halfway house if you can’t afford private (and I fully appreciate both are way out of pocket for most people). But if you can, a doula is cheaper than therapy.

Maybe find a doula that's confident in hospital settings then. Because I find they just don't feel comfortable in the hospital and fade into the background and you don't get much benefit from them being there.

Or change your mindset. You are in charge of your own care. Well that's a lie, your baby is really the only one in charge! They are the boss and we can't control what they do.

Anything offered to you is just that, an offer. You can always decline or ask what other options there are.

For example if you're offered to have your waters broken for you, you can ask what are the risks, what are the benefits, could you wait a little longer and see what happens, are there any risks to waiting? Ask, ask, ask! So you understand what is happening and why... and then you can make your own informed decision.

Yes staffing is awful at the minute but labour care is 1:1, there's no getting around that.

Maybe you could request a student midwife be with you as well if you feel you'd like a little extra support? There might not be any available but it's worth an ask.

Those who are saying don't bother your midwife will advocate for you -
Your midwife surely isn't available in the same way a doula is? And for pre and post natal care ? And so answer the phone or come round in the middle of the night ?

If you can afford one, I don't think you'll regret it

I had a doula and she was lovely. I think it’s very important to meet with a few and only go with one you click with.

I had a very long labour and she supported my husband in knowing how best to support me, gave me advice on comfort measures like different positions, provided refreshments for us both, provided factual non biased information about birth choices and generally cared for me so well. I wouldn’t give birth again without a doula to be honest. She really helped my husband be a fantastic birth partner.

it’s quite common in most cultures to have another woman experienced in birth to support you.

I wouldn't bother personally, the midwives who will be with you are Awsome and only want the best for you and baby.

I wouldn’t have got the (hospital) water birth I wanted if my doula hadn’t advocated on my behalf, so she was definitely worth having!

And when I say I was left to my own devices, I was labouring for about 6 hours, 3 of which were very intense, before the doula arrived. And there was still no midwife.

I had a doula for my hospital birth (first baby) and she was amazing. She was able to suggest things that might help in the moment like changing position, pressure on my lower back, tens machine etc. she reminded me to drink water and have the occasional bite to eat. She held the sick bowl. She scooped up the nugget of poo that my husband was just standing there staring at on the bed 🤣 all of this was done while there was no midwife in the room so I have to say I disagree with the previous poster (who is a midwife). I was basically left to my own devices for the majority of my labour (which was an induction). Having the doula definitely made a huge difference to me. I am pregnant again now and will again have a doula. I've told my husband that if we end up transferring to hospital this time (because I'm planning a homebirth), if we can't get childcare for our preschooler that I won't be upset that the doula will come with me, while he stays home with our preschooler.

I wish I had a doula in my first hospital birth. Someone to hold my space and transfer the questions from healthcare professionals to me and let me answer properly.
I am sorry but I don't agree with the PP midwife poster about midwives being your advocate. I have never experienced midwives listening or advocating for me except the designated home birth midwives.

I think if you are after an advocate for you and someone to help you communicate your wishes then a good doula would certainly help. But chat to multiple to find a good one.

See this would be wonderful! She sounds great.
I've just never experienced one like this before!

I'm a midwife so not really sure if you want my opinion.

They tend to have more of a role at homebirths in my opinion. I can only go off what I've seen.

In my experience doulas at hospital births don't do very much. I've worked with probably 10 doulas in the hospital and they've all been nice enough but I'm not really sure they did anything. They didn't support the woman, they didn't say or do very much at all. Maybe they just weren't very good doulas though!?

The doulas I've worked alongside at homebirths have been much better. They gave the women great support, they were a verbal and physical presence in the room. They knew the woman's birth preferences well. They offered helpful suggestions and did additional things like aromatherapy.

You get 1:1 care from a midwife throughout labour. The midwife is your advocate. Can you tell me more what you feel you'd need a doula for?

I had a doula, and she was amazing. The best thing for me was that she was totally focussed on me and looking after what I needed when I was having a stressy pre term labour where I had to be monitored all the time and stay on the bed. DH was there but I don't think he would have rubbed my back for hours or known how I could move to help the back to back pain. And when ds was born and whisked to SCBU, she made me tea, helped me get cleaned up and generally cared for me.

I’ve got a doula but only for birth preparation and post birth help. I don’t personally want her there with me during the birth, which she was fine with.
A friend recommended having a Doula to me and at first I thought it was a bit ‘hippie’ as I’m not really into a lot of things you mentioned too.

After a lot of research I found a lovely lady, she actually calls herself a birth consultant. She’s very straight talking and matter of fact which is exactly what I wanted. She’s been amazing at getting us prepared for birth and having a newborn as well as having a supportive person on the ‘outside’ to talk to. She’s also coming over in the early days to help support me with breastfeeding and anything else we need.

I’d recommend speaking to as many as you can and only going ahead with someone you feel is providing exactly what you’re looking for. I definitely wouldn’t have gone for one I didn’t feel comfortable with as it defeats the object of it really.