Stepdaughter eating too much fruit

I've been in a similar situation. Not fruit and not living with us full time. I was on mat leave last year, the breadwinner and still paying off credit card bills. You definitely notice it when you're on mat pay.
The snacks she liked were getting more expensive and she would eat all of them meaning she wouldn't eat a proper meal. I reduced how much I was buying and she eats proper food more. I'd suggest create her own container for her fruit and one for you for the week but also put your foot down and say she needs to eat proper meals. You need to let dh know so he doesn't let her continue to help herself. I know she's been through a lot but she is in your care now and needs proper guidance and structure which she may not have had before.

My son at this age which was during lockdown was very similar. We instead of allowing him to eat all the fruit within sight, used to make it a fun creative task of making a suitable sized fruit bowl, getting him involved with cutting and presentation which he loved. Our children when smaller had their set meals each day then anything in between snack wise would have to be requested, I don’t think we really imbedded this into them but they just used to ask which was good as it stopped them eating crap.

That was a really unkind post. especially the comment about stinginess.

Did you read the OP's comments? She is on mat leave and they are finding the finances difficult. So yes, cost matters and many people have suggested changing the bulk of the fruit for apples/carrots

It's not just a bit of extra fruit - the child is eating a lot of non-seasonal (i.e. expensive and well-travelled) fruit.

I feel for you. Yes I can imagine it'd putting a lot of pressure on you money wise plus also you've just had your first baby so that in itself will be hard. I hope someone is supporting you.

Having a conversation about this is really important, she's having too much. Lay down some rules but let her have a say too. Explain that the quantities are too much, it costs a lot of money and when u go back to work you'll have childcare costs. And it is unhealthy as its not balanced, she'll have bad teeth. One of the rules could be she has to eat a proper breakfast, lunch, dinner then she can pick all the fruit in between but from a set quantity.

It sounds like she may be anxious so she'll need tlc.
X

When the fruit arrives chop it and ration it into 7 tubs and label them with days freeze them then just take one out of the freezer the night before

Firstly, some compassion for a small child wouldn’t go amiss.

This really takes the piss. All OP is doing is showing compassion. She’s worried about what DSD’s diet is doing to her, something her dad doesn’t seem to care about. Too much fruit is giving her an upset stomach and will be ruining her teeth. OP has been letting her do it anyway because she knows it’s more complicated than the actual fruit but she’s rightly concerned and now looking to make changes. She’s also paying for and arranging therapy for her.

Neither of her parents is actually looking after her, no, that’s being done by OP who also had a baby a few months ago and is supporting the family’s finances as well. See how compassionate you’d feel in the same situation, because you admit how much effort you have to make on your own relationship with a part time step child without the additional responsibilities OP has.

Yes that’s too much fruit and a lot of sugar. Fruit is good for you but not that much and that often and bad for teeth too.
I’d buy less fruit so it’s not a temptation and more snacks like carrot sticks, crackers and cheese (dairy Lea/laughing cow triangles or baby bells), hummus, bread sticks.
calling a 7 year old greedy is not very nice though and she is likely to be stressed at the moment so have some patience.

Of course not, and replies you'd get if it wasn't a step child would be different too!....you're expected to love them as your own but if you get frustrated or say no you're wicked Stepmum ... despite your own children making you feel same too

Hi @Katey83

I agree that all this fruit is likely to give her more frequent bowel movements. Start by cutting out the grapes which are known for this.

You are lucky that she likes fruit so much. That is good. But there is no way that I would let my DC eat that amount of the fruit you mention, primarily due to the cost and the environmental impact of all of these fruits. Of the "raspberries, three peaches, four tangerines, some grapes, a slice of melon and two bananas" she ate yesterday I'll happily bet that not one was grown in the UK. She needs to learn this and understand the impact of air miles.

I would just stop the weekly fruit shop with the exception of apples and a couple of more exotic fruits so that DSD doesn't feel too upset, and put them in the fridge. Keep bananas too as they tend to harden stools and will help fill her up if she's hungry. See how that works out for a couple of weeks. If you can move her onto apples as a main fruit that is going to be much cheaper and more sustainable in the long run.

For snacks have you tried carrot sticks (and maybe humous)? Similar taste but much cheaper

I think your DH and maybe you too need to sit down with DSD and tell her house rules as it's not acceptable to eat that much fruit in one day really not healthy and not fair on everyone else in the house she is 7 so she can understand that and if she struggles with it the allocated snack box idea does sound good so she knows her quota for the day,

sounds like your a great caring step mum so I can't understand the other posters saying otherwise as yes she will be having a tough time emotionally at the moment but doesn't mean you have to let her continue an unhealthy habit that impacts you all as a family there are other ways to support her emotionally and sounds like you do that already

Here is my suggestion.
Go to smiggle (7 year old girls dream) and let her pick one of their bento boxes.
There are lots of different sections, fill it with fruit for the day, even let her be involved with filling it. Explain that is her fruit for the day.
My daughter loves her smiggle bento box and I’ve used it to vary her snacks (and in my case get her to eat more fruit!).
As others have said apples/ carrot stick and be a good, cost effective bulking item

I am not sure why you are outsourcing the parenting to your husband

Because she's his child?

Split the finances. Once he has to pay for his dd I imagine he will stop her eating everything.

I didn't think about it like that, but you are totally correct. He has it very cushy right now, and I doubt he could handle being the main breadwinner, chef, chauffeur and cleaner all on his own.

When she first came to us she was also gorging like this on sweets - that’s been easier to nip in bud

500 posts in, I hope I've missed the one that picked up on this!

Young child has to leave mother's home to live with Dad & stepmum, who is naturally besotted with her own baby. Fairly natural she would show some maladaptive behaviours, and actually quite lucky she's landed on comfort eating.

Good to hear she's in therapy, @Katey83 (if you're still here!) Depending on her therapist's input, I'd say it's probably great that you've managed to get her to change to a less self-harming habit and too soon to start restricting the fruit as well.

Adding carrots, baby tomatoes, etc, into the mix is a sound idea. Good luck!

Every morning agree with your SD what fruit she wants that day, within reason. Let her select it and put into a fridge storage box. Explain to her your reasoning, and that it is important she can be trusted to just eat the fruit in her box. Also establish a rule that after school/before dinner she just has 2 pieces of fruit, as long as she then goes on to eat her meal.

Whilst it may be a pain to do, could you do a weekly shop minus the fruit and but fresh fruit every couple of days? That would ration her without deny it, but only gives her a set amount to have over a couple of days.

On the face of it, this post is about your dsd eating too much fruit but I can see that it's really about resentment OP. I totally understand that. You are working, supporting the entire family, shouldering the bulk of the physical and emotional workload and getting inadequate support from the person who is supposed to be your partner. Having a young baby in the house is hard enough but even more so when you have to support somebody else's child as well. It sounds like you have done and are doing as much as you can to help your dsd too. I think it may be time for you and your partner to sit down when you're both calm and not distracted. Have a talk what you both need from each other and what you think you need to do going forward so that you are not feeling so overwhelmed by the 'mental load'. I hope you can but, if you can't, please know that you are seen.

Outsourcing parenting to the actual parent?! The horror!
😂

Maybe interrogate what’s really annoying you here.

I think you need to look at the deeper issue here, what has she been through? How has she come to live with you full time? Does she still see her mum? Will she ever see her again? I'm not asking these questions to get answers, just for you to reflect on yourself. Obviously I don't know the deeper issue here. She is obviously living with you because it is better and safer for her to do so, but maybe she doesn't see it that way entirely. Maybe she misses her mum. At 7 years old we begin to form lasting bonds and it sounds like she may have been through more than a 7 year old should have to. Perhaps she's comfort eating. Can you try and ask her how she feels when she reaches for the fridge, and reassure her. Let her know that you are there for her to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on when she needs it. Tell her you hear her and you are there for her, let her know she doesn't have to go through her feelings alone. Set boundaries by all means but think about the deeper issue at play here. What may seem trivial to you may be too confusing for her to grasp.